Headless-chicken impersonator and VERY MUCH full time, in her own words "every waking moment", chair of Lord Blairimort’s Labour Ms Hazel Bleary has a bit of a problem.
She was on the Radio anyway, having to make the usual excuses for her boss, Lord Blairimort.
Asked about whether His Lordship was off on a freebee with a Bee Gee or would in fact pay his own way, Ms Bleary told us how DISAPPOINTED she was with the public and that really we all ought to be doing better.
"If you don’t buck your ideas up, you won’t DESERVE Lord Blairimort!" she warned!
Anyway, THAT’s not HER problem.
Here’s what has happened:
Her constituents have discovered that Lord Blairimort’s government has a plan to abolish their hospital and replace it with a nurse and some sticking plasters. They are not completely chuffed about this and have organised a protest. Good local politics in action.
However, Ms Bleary’s problem is not QUITE the same problem as her constituents.
HER problem is that where she is MP, there are three constituencies but only enough constituents for two seats, so like a game of MUSICAL CHAIRS one of the seats has been taken away. Oh dear, where will Ms Bleary be sitting when the music stops?
In order to demonstrate her LOCAL CREDENTIALS, Ms Bleary has quickly joined the protestors on the picket lines.
"My first and foremost job is to represent Salford and the people of the area," said Ms Bleary.
It would appear that Ms Bleary’s constituents would prefer to be represented by someone who will OPPOSE the government rather than be PART OF IT!
How does Ms Bleary respond to the accusation that she is being a bit TWO FACED?
"My first and foremost job is to represent Lord Blairimort and the people of the Labour Cabinet," said Ms Bleary. "And I see no contradiction in that."
Ms Bleary has the FULL SUPPORT of Mr Ivan ("Ivan’t it both ways") Lewis, who is Lord Blairimort’s HEALTH MINISTER!
Who better to say that you should oppose government health policy that one of the government health ministers! He’s even protested against government health policy himself! At least he won’t have to look to far to give the person responsible a GOOD TALKING TO!
"Anyone can approach Secretary of State, Patricia Hewitt," he said. "Just don’t expect to come out of there AWAKE!"
But what about COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY, I hear you ask – that is where all the members of the CABINET agree that they will support government policy once it has been agreed, no matter what they argued in the Cabinet discussion.
Anyone breaking that code would have to report themselves quick smart to the person in charge of party discipline and maintaining the party line: the chair of the party, er… Ms Hazel Bleary.
Mr Shaun Ley of the World at One wondered if this would have any effect on Ms Bleary standing for the role of Deputy Leader of the Labour when Minister for Magical Accidents John Prescott
"There’s no chance of me standing for that!" Ms Bleary DID NOT say. "Think how embarrassing it would be for the Deputy Leader to be deselected because none of the local constituencies can bear the sight of her!"
What she actually said was: "there is no contest yet."
We shall have to wait for the announcement of who is standing from the person in charge of internal elections: the chair of the party, er… Ms Hazel Bleary.
It is a GOOD JOB she is used to wearing SO MANY