...a blog by Richard Flowers

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Day 2144: Where Could All That Money Have Gone?


It is worth remembering how hard our MP’s work.

Case in point: Liberal Democrat Spokesperson for Trees, Mr Chris Hewn, has been doing some DETECTIVE work in The Case Of Mr Millipede and the Missing Millions.

You may remember that over the last few years, when it was actually under the guiding caravan of Mrs Bucket, DEAthRAy, the Ministry for Making Sure Farmers Don't Starve kind of forgot to pay the farmers any money. And then Mr Frown sent them all tax bills on the money that they hadn't been paid.

Well, lucky Mrs Bucket was sent off to the war zone in Iraq in time to avoid taking the blame and dropped the hot potato in Mr Millipede's lap.


Because of all the messing about, the Department has OVERSPENT by £200 million!

Mr Millipede has been given his orders from Mr Frown that he must cut all the spending on VITAL things like FLOOD DEFENCES and VETINARY INSPECTIONS.

So when your cows are frothing at the foot and mouth you can be glad that the deluge will wash them all away! A good flood might even help the British Waterways which can no longer be looked after because all the staff have had to be sacked.

Well now it emerges, thanks to Mr Hewn, that DEAthRAy has ALREADY spent £170 million on MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS!

And now they have to come up with £200 million in savings – could these facts be connected?

Mrs Quisling for the Department said: "Defra uses management and business consultants to help deliver front-line public services - from climate change to food production - more effectively."

Not that we often see the suits from Andersons or Pricewaterhousecoopers (...andlybranddeloiteross (...touche)) mopping up on the front line if there's a flood – or elbow deep in a cow on the front line delivering the beef (my little joke).

In other news, Mrs Margaret Hedge-Hodge, the Barking MP, has volunteered for active service in Basra.

And a Happy 3rd Day of Advent to everyone at Home!

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