I cannot let Christmas pass without wishing a very Happy Season to MR BALLOON, last seen by my fluffy agents on the Thursday before Christmas getting VERY CROSS leaving HMV in London. I do hope the special edition "Lord Blairimort's Greatest Speeches" DVD that he wanted from Santa wasn't out of stock!
With the CASH-FOR-HONOURS scandal still flapping about like a loose ermine robe, Christmas gifts are in SHORTER SUPPLY this year. No longer can Mr Balloon look forward to finding a cheque from a Saudi Arms Dealer in his Christmas stockings.
Still, Mr Balloon is never one to be downhearted, and it turns out he has been cheering himself up with a slap up meal or two Chez House of Commons.
Unfortunately, the Inspector of Standards has been tipped off that not all of Mr Balloon’s guests were there as, er, guests and that they may have been, er, paying for the privilege of eating in Her Majesty’s Palace of Westminster.
Chair of the Conservatory Party, Auntie Maude appeared on the Radio 4 World at One to explain.
“It is a bit of a GREY area,” Auntie told us. “The rules say that what we’ve been doing is quite wrong but we’ve been getting away with it for ages and had hoped this meant we still could. I am grateful to the Inspector for clearing up the fact that in fact we can’t, and that we’ll have to ask Lord Ashcroft to siphon off another million quid through Banko de Bananama. Oh, is that ANOTHER grey area…?”
Meanwhile, I am struck by fluffy déjà vu when the Conservatories announce all over again that they want high speed MAGIC LEVITATION trains.
Didn’t little Mr Boy George announce this back in AUGUST? Oh yes, so he did.
Announcing the SAME THING several times over, isn’t that just a bit NEW LABOUR? Oh…