...a blog by Richard Flowers

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Day 2157: Home a Loan


It appears that the Labour are having ACUTE CASHFLOW PROBLEMS.

I am a CUTE elephant, so I hope that this is as nice for Lord Blairimort!

[R: groan]

Two of the Labour's big donors – Sir Christopher "where's my lordship" Evans (who advanced Lord Blairimort a million pounds) and "why aren't I even a Sir" Gordon Crawford (who bunged him five-hundred thousand) – are demanding the return of their money.

Nobody knows why.

Another thing that nobody knows is what will happen to the Labour if they actually go bankrupt. Three-hundred and fifty-five by-elections seems a little unlikely. I am strangely interested to find out!

It is interesting to look at the figures and compare them to the incomes of the different parties.

This is like what the BANK MANAGER does when you go for your mortgage or loan (unless you are like Clever Mr Cable and trying to reduce your personal debt).

The Labour have loans of £23.4 million pounds – and they received donations of £3.2 million: it would take them 7.3 quarters, almost two years, to pay back their borrowings, even if they did nothing at all else.

Mr Balloon's Conservatory Loans are actually going UP and now reach £35.3 million. In spite of getting donations of £4 million that means it would be 8.8 quarters to repay their debt – almost two-and-a-quarter years!

The frugal Liberal Democrats, on the other fluffy foot, only owe £1.1 million – and coincidentally, they received donations of £1.1 million in the quarter. They could pay off their overdraft almost at once.

Perhaps we could all hope for a period of PROFOUND SILENCE from the big borrowers who bought the election on the never never – at least until they are a bit less STONY BROKE!

Incidentally, the figures also reveal that the Conservatories have been a BIT NAUGHTY in forgetting to reveal some of the donations that they received during the election, even though it is a year-and-a-half ago now. Goodness, how scatterbrained, eh!

I do hope none of their FAMOUS CANDIDATES have any egg on their face because of this!

The Conservatories do seem to keep sticking to the line that their loans don't matter. They say they can always flog off their building to clear the debt.

Daddy reminds me that they ALSO said in their last set of accounts that that building was worth only £10 million.

He wonders how both of these statements can be true at the same time.

Also of note, the Scottish Nasty Party seem to be sitting pretty on a loan of only £0.5 million. But REALLY they are only campaigning for the votes of the tenth of the population who live in Scotland.

So on a per voter basis, that would be like having a £5 million pound loan if you were campaigning Britain wide.

And Welsh Nasties with their £0.3 million loan should think they are so clever, either.

In related news, apparently it is acceptable parliamentary language to refer to Mr Vague as "Mr Tosser".

I would not have thought little Mr Vague was big enough to hurl cabers around!

This is in fact a reference to the latest campaign that the Conservatories have launched. In order to get more in touch with young people, they have decided to start using PLAYGROUND INSULTS. They should be sent to Dr Tanya and the House of Tiny Tearaways if they are saying RUDE things just to get ATTENTION!

Anyway, Liberal Democrat Mr Cable has been saying for months that getting too much into debt is bad for people, and clearly the Conservatories have got the idea that this is worth repeating.

Not CERTAIN that a party £35 million in hock is QUITE the right role model for young people looking to ditch the debt though.

And a Very Happy 10th Day of Advent to All of you at Home!

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