"Tony, Polls say you're a Phoney; Mr Frown will take us Down;
"Margaret Bucket might just F… Wreck It; Dr Reid's Not what we Need;
"Alan Johnson known by no one; Mr Benn, no not again!
"Millipedes both Ed and Dave, Labour Party cannot save!
"Tried with Douglas Alexander, manifesto sure to flounder.
"Only chance to win election: go for radical selection.
"Market research, should you care; says leader must be Rupert Bear!
"You Suck; We're a Shambles.
Downing Street has said they do not know anything about this memo that says the do not know anything about what is going on.
"What is going on?" said a Downing Street spokesperson.