...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Day 1890: I.D.IOTs


Today Mr Blair is quite cross.

(You can tell that he is VERY cross when he starts appearing on the TELLY saying that people who do not agree with him are cuddling TERRORISTS or helping them to explode GRANNIES or something. He is not doing that today so he is only QUITE cross this time. This means that he sends a shaved teddy bear called Mr Clarke to do the shouting for him.)

Anyway, he is quite cross with some people called The HOUSE OF LORDS. Even though they are seriously geriatric (even older than HRH Sir Mr the Merciless!), they are actually quite clever some of the time. It must be because they get plenty of sleep.

What Mr Blair is cross about is I.D. CARDS. These are bits of card that tell you who you are. I do not NEED a bit of card to tell me who I am – I think I.D. must stand for IDIOT if they are for people who forget who they are! Personally I would be QUITE CROSS if someone told me I needed a piece of card to tell me who I am – but apparently this is NOT what Mr Blair is cross about.

The HOUSE OF LORDS have told Mr Blair that he cannot FORCE people to get an I.D.IOT card when they only want a PASSPORT.

(A PASSPORT is like a get out of jail free card for getting out of the country, and with Mr Blair in charge you will understand that they are VERY POPULAR at the moment!)

Funnily enough, last year Mr Blair wrote in his MANIFESTO that the I.D.IOT card scheme would be VOLUNTARY. I had to look up VOLUNTARY. In MY dictionary that means that people get to CHOOSE whether they want one or not. But Mr Blair often seems to be using a different dictionary to me.

The HOUSE OF LORDS told Mr Blair that since he promised that the I.D.IOT cards should be VOLUNTARY then that is what they should BE. Mr Blair says that this is against something that is called the SALISBURY CONFECTION (which I think is a sort of CAKE).

I think if Mr Blair promised something then he should keep his promises, but I am afraid that this will only get me LOCKED UP for GLORIFYING the HOUSE OF LORDS. Who are probably TERRORISTS by now. At least in Mr Blair’s dictionary.

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