...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Day 1893: Mr Frown


This is BAD news: Mr BALLOON has BIRD FLU! It is NO FUN to have a nasty case of the SNIFFS!

Since Mr Balloon is unwell, today I will tell you about the LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION instead.

Here is an INTERESTING FACT: although TEN DOWNING STREET is the home of the Prime Minister, Mr Blair does not live there! In fact a man called MR GORDON FROWN lives at Number Ten Downing Street…

(…and Mr Blair lives in a HOLLOWED OUT VOLCANO!)

However, Mr Frown would like to be living in Ten Downing Street FOR REAL as the REAL Prime Minister.

Mr Frown is like a BANK MANAGER – he likes to keep all of your money and then sends you bills for things you did NOT want in the first place. Usually rubbish things like a LETTER telling you you have gone OVERDRAWN or a SMALL WAR in the MIDDLE EAST. That sort of thing.

When he first started out, Mr Frown was very good. Mostly this is because he did other people's policies instead of his own. He did the LIBERAL DEMOCRAT policy of independenting the BANK OF ENGLAND and he did the Conservatory policy of not paying any doctors or teachers or lollipop ladies any more money AT ALL for AGES.

This was called ripping off other peoples ideas being PRUDENT.

However, after a bit I THINK Mr Frown got a bit bored. I know I would have. So he decided to uses everybody's money to buy some nice new things. An IPOD. A BLACKBERRY. An entire new NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE. And so on.

Unfortunately even with everybody's money he didn't have enough, but fortunately some very nice people called LOAN SHARKS DIRECT and SELL US YOUR SOUL dot COM agreed to let him buy lots of schools and hospitals on the NEVER-NEVER. This means that all of you people will have to keep paying for them until they fall down. And probably for a bit after that!

This is called buying popularity likes it's going out of fashion being PRUDENT.

Recently he has been trying to change his image.

For a long time he has been seen as the HERO of OLD LABOUR; Mr Frown does NOT want to be the HERO OF OLD LABOUR – he wants to be PRIME MINISTER thank you very much, so he is trying VERY, VERY hard to be like Mr Blair.

This involves leaving his bank and going around the country meeting people saying:

"Hullo. Nice to meet you. What are your thought on the stability growth pact? Do you want to make poverty history? Oh, sorry that was last year! No! Stop! Please come back! I'll give you your wallet back!"

Apparently he has also had his teeth fixed, but I cannot tell because you people are STRANGE and keep all of your teeth inside your mouths where they cannot be much use AT ALL!

Personally, I suggest that he finds himself a nice WHITE CAT and a SECRET BASE IN THE ALPS.

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