Thursday:
No, I have NOT blasted Daddy Richard into orbit!
This is SCIENCE and news that the European Space Agency has discovered a way to let marigolds grow on moonrock.
I'm sure you must realise that this is quite IMPORTANT if we are ever going to build a successful MOONBASE.
In the CARBON CYCLE, plants absorb CO2 and water and sunlight to make carbohydrates and oxygen; elephants and people and animals then eat carbohydrates and breathe oxygen to get energy and make CO2 and water as by-products. If you want to keep breathing you have to keep these in BALANCE.
Unfortunately, the Moon does not have any atmosphere at all. So we will still have to import lots of air and water in order for plants to grow, unless we are able to FIND some up there: deposits of WATER (or at least ICE) on the moon are much sought after as they would provide not just drinks but Oxygen for breathing and Hydrogen for rocket fuel.
But that wouldn't be enough on its own.
There is also a NITROGEN cycle, because all living things build their bodies out of PROTEINS which are big carbon-based molecules that are like carbohydrates BUT have extra NITROGEN as well as Carbon, Hydrogen and Oxygen. Fortunately there is LOTS of Nitrogen about because the Earth's atmosphere is mostly (more than 70%, in fact) made of it! Unfortunately, plants CANNOT turn nitrogen GAS (N2) into protein directly; they need help to turn the Nitrogen into a NITRATE that they can absorb and use, help that comes either from special bacteria or occasionally from a blast of LIGHTNING! Nowadays they ALSO get help from FERTILISER.
So, you will need to ship a load of fertiliser to the Moon too. (Don't think I don't know what you're thinking!)
All of which makes it VERY SILLY for the Head of the ESA to dismiss lunar colonisation as "Science Fiction"; things are RARELY this difficult in FICTION!
Meanwhile, a Dr Watson of East Anglia has estimated that the chances of meeting another intelligent life form are "extremely low".
Clearly, he needs to try moving away from the University of East Anglia.
No, sorry, apologies to the good people of UEA, the thing is that this is a very SILLY estimate, because we have almost no EVIDENCE on which to base it.
For a start, it seems that Dr Watson has said that the chances of intelligent life emerging on a planet like Earth inside of four billion years are 1/10 (for the chance of simple single-celled animals evolving) times 1/10 (for the chance of complex cells evolving) times 1/10 (for the chance of complex, multi-celled animals evolving) times 1/10 (for the chance of an intelligent species with language evolving) which makes 1/10,000 or 0.01%.
Well, this is the sort of "plucking numbers from the air" that CREATIONISTS do when they want to "prove" life evolving by chance is "impossible". WE simply DO NOT KNOW what are the chances of self-replicating chemicals occurring (like DNA did on Earth). It may be VERY COMMON, it may even be CHEMICALLY INEVITABLE given the right mix of elements; or it could be remotely IMPOSSIBLY unlikely without some fluke event like a comet strike or passing Spaghetti Monster with a whim. Without assessing more than one Earth-like planet we aren't going to be able to find out, either.
Similarly, we are only BEGINNING to understand what drives evolutionary processes. Intelligence and language may be rare or common in terms of things that crop up, we can't be sure – although the distinct possibility that dolphins, whales, elephants and humans have all developed communicating intelligences ought to be taken into some consideration.
And even if these ever-so-arbitrary looking numbers are SPOT ON, we do not know even vaguely how may Earth type planets that there ARE even in our own galaxy.
But we do have some evidence that our planetary system isn't UNIQUE. So, since we're not living entirely by chance on an unnatural fluke, it's not unreasonable to assume that other systems of planets like ours have developed.
With at least two-hundred billion stars in the Milky Way (never mind any of the trillions of other galaxies) even if the chances of another star having a Solar-System-like system of planets are ALSO 1/10,000, there could STILL be over a THOUSAND worlds with intelligent life on them, probably avoiding us because of CRICKET!
Anyway, this ENTIRELY overlooks the possibility that it only takes ONE intelligent species to go INTERSTELLAR and the galaxy will be FULL of inhabited planets. Which brings us back to colonisation, and apparently it's quite urgent as there are only a billion years until the shops close. And melt.
Showing posts with label Millennium on the Moon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Millennium on the Moon. Show all posts
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Day 1916: Sausage and Mash
Sunday:
We have gotten safely back to Earth.
I tried to persuade Flash Gladstone to clip a bit off of BIG BEN (like the SLITHEEN did last year in DOCTOR WHO) but he said "No!" because he got into enough trouble when he winged WEMBLEY STADIUM a couple of weeks ago.
No sooner do I get back than I discover that my Daddies have been inviting people to dinner in my absence! How rude is THAT!
Daddy Richard has been using MY recipe for SAUSAGES AND MASH, and if HE can use it, then so can you.
Here is what to do:
Buy some NICE SAUSAGES and MARIS PIPER potatoes. Use lots because this is yummy.
Start by chopping up the POTATOES. Chop them up QUITE SMALL and bung them all into a STAINLESS STEEL pan. Put water in the pan too, so that it covers the potatoes. Add a pinch of salt to help them boil.
Put the pan on the COOKER. Heat it up to that the water boils and then let it SIMMER. KEEP an eye on it – if it is too hot it will boil over and you will get an INCREDIBLE potato mess to try and clean off your cooker before Daddy comes back!
Put the SAUSAGES under the GRILL. You CAN fry them if you MUST, but this is already BAD ENOUGH for you with all the starch and butter in the MASH!
Remember to turn the sausages or they will turn to CHARCOAL on one side and taste YUCKY!
After about quarter of an hour, TEST the potatoes with a knife – the one you chopped them up with will do nicely. Spear one of the bits of potato. If it stick onto the knife then they aren't done yet. If it slides off then they are ready.
Drain off all the boiling water. Put the pan back onto the hot hob and leave it there for a bit in order to steam off the rest of the water. DON'T forget about it though, or the potatoes will BURN.
Take the pan off the hob again and add BUTTER, Daddy chops three or four thin slices off of the end of an ordinary sized block of butter. Stick the butter slices into the potatoes and let them melt for a moment or two.
Then get an ELECTRIC MIXER and PULVERISE those potatoes.
This is why you must use a stainless steel pan or your pan will be RUINED! The potatoes should smear into nice creamy mash quite quickly. DON'T do it for too long or you whisk lots of AIR into the mash which makes it taste all thin and watery.
Don't forget to do GRAVY!
We have gotten safely back to Earth.
I tried to persuade Flash Gladstone to clip a bit off of BIG BEN (like the SLITHEEN did last year in DOCTOR WHO) but he said "No!" because he got into enough trouble when he winged WEMBLEY STADIUM a couple of weeks ago.
No sooner do I get back than I discover that my Daddies have been inviting people to dinner in my absence! How rude is THAT!
Daddy Richard has been using MY recipe for SAUSAGES AND MASH, and if HE can use it, then so can you.
Here is what to do:
Buy some NICE SAUSAGES and MARIS PIPER potatoes. Use lots because this is yummy.
Start by chopping up the POTATOES. Chop them up QUITE SMALL and bung them all into a STAINLESS STEEL pan. Put water in the pan too, so that it covers the potatoes. Add a pinch of salt to help them boil.
Put the pan on the COOKER. Heat it up to that the water boils and then let it SIMMER. KEEP an eye on it – if it is too hot it will boil over and you will get an INCREDIBLE potato mess to try and clean off your cooker before Daddy comes back!
Put the SAUSAGES under the GRILL. You CAN fry them if you MUST, but this is already BAD ENOUGH for you with all the starch and butter in the MASH!
Remember to turn the sausages or they will turn to CHARCOAL on one side and taste YUCKY!
After about quarter of an hour, TEST the potatoes with a knife – the one you chopped them up with will do nicely. Spear one of the bits of potato. If it stick onto the knife then they aren't done yet. If it slides off then they are ready.
Drain off all the boiling water. Put the pan back onto the hot hob and leave it there for a bit in order to steam off the rest of the water. DON'T forget about it though, or the potatoes will BURN.
Take the pan off the hob again and add BUTTER, Daddy chops three or four thin slices off of the end of an ordinary sized block of butter. Stick the butter slices into the potatoes and let them melt for a moment or two.
Then get an ELECTRIC MIXER and PULVERISE those potatoes.
This is why you must use a stainless steel pan or your pan will be RUINED! The potatoes should smear into nice creamy mash quite quickly. DON'T do it for too long or you whisk lots of AIR into the mash which makes it taste all thin and watery.
Don't forget to do GRAVY!
Day 1915: Escape… to Danger!*
(* It’s TRADITIONAL, okay!)
Saturday:
Sorry to my loyal readers. Because my nose is sore, I have not been able to type my Diary into the Internet, and it has taken a few days to get Daddy to have to type it in for me. I am bashing his nose against the kweeboard as I type…
[R: I’m sure this would be easier if you let me use my fingers!]
Don’t fuss, Daddy!
Anyway, dear reader, you will be pleased to know that I have escaped from the clutches of the Clangers.
Fortunately, my friend Flash Gladstone was able to repair his rocket ship using one of the Clangers' dustbin lids and some double-sided sticky tape.
In honour of him rescuing me, I have decided to rename his rocket ship "THE MILLENNIUM IRON CHICKEN" after another famous space ship!
[R: errrr]
Fortunately it appears that Mr Blair's stormtroopers are NOT coming to get me, but instead are coming to get MR FROWN. This is a bit of a relief as we have decided that MONGO is probably too far away to get to, so we are coming back to Earth.
And this will be just in time, because the BBC have started showing a NEW SERIES of DOCTOR WHO. The first episode was only a minute long. I was a bit confused, because it was just DOCTOR WHO in the TARDIS worrying about the MONSTERS he might run into, and doing a funny BLURRY thing when he stood up, but I THINK that there will be longer episodes soon.
DOCTOR WHO is the favourite programme of both of my Daddies, so I have to watch it lots as well. Which means you will get lots of it in my DIARY too!
It is OKAY, so I do not mind much, and the Doctor's TARDIS is ALMOST as good as a CAR. (Although my FAVOURTEST Doctor Who was JON TWERPEE and he DID have a car called BESSIE which was VERY cool INDEED!)
Last year, Dr Who was CHRISTOPHER ECCY-THUMP (who is from the North, though he keeps quiet about it) but he got killed by eating too much TIME VORTEX (which is a bit like BLUE STRING SOUP only more glowy) so now Dr Who is DAVID TENNANT.
David Tennant has been in quite a lot of things recently (Blackpool, Casanova, Quatermass, Secret Smile, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The Lady Chatterley Trial) but we knew him BEFORE all that because he used to work with the Big Fish people to make Audio Adventures. The BESTEST story is that he turned down working at the NATIONAL THEATRE in order to work with THE DALEKS!
My Daddies hope this means that he will not quit after one year as Dr Who like Mr Eccy-thump did.
Keep an Eye out for more Doctor Who from Easter weekend!
Saturday:
Sorry to my loyal readers. Because my nose is sore, I have not been able to type my Diary into the Internet, and it has taken a few days to get Daddy to have to type it in for me. I am bashing his nose against the kweeboard as I type…
[R: I’m sure this would be easier if you let me use my fingers!]
Don’t fuss, Daddy!
Anyway, dear reader, you will be pleased to know that I have escaped from the clutches of the Clangers.
Fortunately, my friend Flash Gladstone was able to repair his rocket ship using one of the Clangers' dustbin lids and some double-sided sticky tape.
In honour of him rescuing me, I have decided to rename his rocket ship "THE MILLENNIUM IRON CHICKEN" after another famous space ship!
[R: errrr]
Fortunately it appears that Mr Blair's stormtroopers are NOT coming to get me, but instead are coming to get MR FROWN. This is a bit of a relief as we have decided that MONGO is probably too far away to get to, so we are coming back to Earth.
And this will be just in time, because the BBC have started showing a NEW SERIES of DOCTOR WHO. The first episode was only a minute long. I was a bit confused, because it was just DOCTOR WHO in the TARDIS worrying about the MONSTERS he might run into, and doing a funny BLURRY thing when he stood up, but I THINK that there will be longer episodes soon.
DOCTOR WHO is the favourite programme of both of my Daddies, so I have to watch it lots as well. Which means you will get lots of it in my DIARY too!
It is OKAY, so I do not mind much, and the Doctor's TARDIS is ALMOST as good as a CAR. (Although my FAVOURTEST Doctor Who was JON TWERPEE and he DID have a car called BESSIE which was VERY cool INDEED!)
Last year, Dr Who was CHRISTOPHER ECCY-THUMP (who is from the North, though he keeps quiet about it) but he got killed by eating too much TIME VORTEX (which is a bit like BLUE STRING SOUP only more glowy) so now Dr Who is DAVID TENNANT.
David Tennant has been in quite a lot of things recently (Blackpool, Casanova, Quatermass, Secret Smile, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The Lady Chatterley Trial) but we knew him BEFORE all that because he used to work with the Big Fish people to make Audio Adventures. The BESTEST story is that he turned down working at the NATIONAL THEATRE in order to work with THE DALEKS!
My Daddies hope this means that he will not quit after one year as Dr Who like Mr Eccy-thump did.
Keep an Eye out for more Doctor Who from Easter weekend!
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Day 1914: Nose Trouble
Friday:
Heave! Heave! Heave!
The Clangers have succeeded in pulling me out of the hole in which I was stuck. Major Clanger tied his fishing line around my big fluffy nose and they all PULLED.
My nose is VERY sore now!
Back down on Earth, I cannot BELIEVE how totally RUBBISH Mr Balloon has been about I.D.IOT cards, even after I told you all how VERY BAD the government's not-really-a-compromise was!
Even WORSE! Mr DAVIS DAVID who is SUPPOSED to be Shadow Home Secretary and TOTALLY against I.D.IOT cards only went and VOTED FOR the government’s amendment!
As my Daddy might say: construct a popular phrase or saying using the following words not necessarily in this order: TURKEYS CHRISTMAS VOTING FOR WHY WAIT SHOOT US NOW.
Mr Blair is laughing so hard we can hear him ALL THE WAY UP HERE IN SPACE! Even if there IS a vacuum between the Earth and the Moon.
Looking down on the Earth from up here, it is very LOVELY, even if you people are making it a bit GRUBBY! Could you not tidy up a bit?
Speaking of tidying up reminds me that it has turned out that tidying up all of you NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS is going to cost a lot more billions of pounds more that you thought it was.
Even though I am in favour of ELECTRICITY for television and DVDs and the Internet, I am a BIT worried about making it out of atom bomb material that you have to import from abroad. And leaving radioactive waste that lasts as long as the whole world and might make GIANT MUTANT LIZARDS is not a completely clever energy policy. I am not sure that the MAGIC FORCE FIELDS of Mr Blair’s I.D.IOT cards can protect us from GODZILLA!!
Here on the Moon, the Clangers make all the electricity they need to run their television from RENEWABLE sources. In fact it is Mother Clanger wearing NYLON stockings and taking a brisk walk around the craters – the static build up provides enough charge to run the telly all night!
However, if Britain does not have enough fast moving sock matriarchs, then perhaps you could consider some other renewable resources instead. Perhaps you could generate some electricity from Mr Balloon’s FLIP-FLOPS?
The Clangers do not seem very sympathetic about my SORE NOSE! In fact they keep giving me BLACK LOOKS and hooting amongst themselves.
This does NOT look good: now they appear to be constructing a GIANT MUSICAL CATAPULT…
Heave! Heave! Heave!
The Clangers have succeeded in pulling me out of the hole in which I was stuck. Major Clanger tied his fishing line around my big fluffy nose and they all PULLED.
My nose is VERY sore now!
Back down on Earth, I cannot BELIEVE how totally RUBBISH Mr Balloon has been about I.D.IOT cards, even after I told you all how VERY BAD the government's not-really-a-compromise was!
Even WORSE! Mr DAVIS DAVID who is SUPPOSED to be Shadow Home Secretary and TOTALLY against I.D.IOT cards only went and VOTED FOR the government’s amendment!
As my Daddy might say: construct a popular phrase or saying using the following words not necessarily in this order: TURKEYS CHRISTMAS VOTING FOR WHY WAIT SHOOT US NOW.
Mr Blair is laughing so hard we can hear him ALL THE WAY UP HERE IN SPACE! Even if there IS a vacuum between the Earth and the Moon.
Looking down on the Earth from up here, it is very LOVELY, even if you people are making it a bit GRUBBY! Could you not tidy up a bit?
Speaking of tidying up reminds me that it has turned out that tidying up all of you NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS is going to cost a lot more billions of pounds more that you thought it was.
Even though I am in favour of ELECTRICITY for television and DVDs and the Internet, I am a BIT worried about making it out of atom bomb material that you have to import from abroad. And leaving radioactive waste that lasts as long as the whole world and might make GIANT MUTANT LIZARDS is not a completely clever energy policy. I am not sure that the MAGIC FORCE FIELDS of Mr Blair’s I.D.IOT cards can protect us from GODZILLA!!
Here on the Moon, the Clangers make all the electricity they need to run their television from RENEWABLE sources. In fact it is Mother Clanger wearing NYLON stockings and taking a brisk walk around the craters – the static build up provides enough charge to run the telly all night!
However, if Britain does not have enough fast moving sock matriarchs, then perhaps you could consider some other renewable resources instead. Perhaps you could generate some electricity from Mr Balloon’s FLIP-FLOPS?
The Clangers do not seem very sympathetic about my SORE NOSE! In fact they keep giving me BLACK LOOKS and hooting amongst themselves.
This does NOT look good: now they appear to be constructing a GIANT MUSICAL CATAPULT…
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Day 1913: A Non Standard Comment
Thursday:
Daddy Richard spotted this billboard on his way home last night:
Someone appears to have defaced it!
Daddy Richard spotted this billboard on his way home last night:
Someone appears to have defaced it!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Day 1912: In the Soup!
Wednesday:
Q: When is a Compromise NOT a compromise?
A: …when it's being offered you by the GOVERNMENT!
No, it's NOT a very funny joke, is it!
That's because I'm talking about I.D.IOT cards again.
In spite of Mr Balloon's side letting me down over GLORIFICATION OF JAMES BOND (hence me being ON THE MOON at the moment), the HOUSE OF LORDS club have still been trying to stop Mr Blair REDEFINING the word "VOLUNTARY" so that he can have a go at imposing his I.D.IOT card scheme.
Today, it seems we are being offered a "compromise".
As far as I can tell, this means that you STILL get all the HORRIBLE BAD THINGS of Mr Blair's scheme – like basically losing all your PRIVACY to the ENORMOUS expensive INSANE super-computer that goes MAD and tries to take over the world!
[R: if it's already "insane" then it can't GO mad…]
Whatever, Daddy!
[R: I'm just saying!]
So you get the BAD things and without even the benefit of the USEFUL piece of PLASTIC to scrape ice off your CAR with!
What, you think it's useful for anything ELSE???
Meanwhile…
I have escaped from the MONSTER! …but I seem to have fallen down a bit of a HOLE!
I VERY NEARLY fell into the BLUE STRING SOUP. But fortunately, my fluffy bottom was big enough to stick in the hole on the way down.
All the Clangers have come to stand around me.
They do not look HAPPY.
Q: When is a Compromise NOT a compromise?
A: …when it's being offered you by the GOVERNMENT!
No, it's NOT a very funny joke, is it!
That's because I'm talking about I.D.IOT cards again.
In spite of Mr Balloon's side letting me down over GLORIFICATION OF JAMES BOND (hence me being ON THE MOON at the moment), the HOUSE OF LORDS club have still been trying to stop Mr Blair REDEFINING the word "VOLUNTARY" so that he can have a go at imposing his I.D.IOT card scheme.
Today, it seems we are being offered a "compromise".
As far as I can tell, this means that you STILL get all the HORRIBLE BAD THINGS of Mr Blair's scheme – like basically losing all your PRIVACY to the ENORMOUS expensive INSANE super-computer that goes MAD and tries to take over the world!
[R: if it's already "insane" then it can't GO mad…]
Whatever, Daddy!
[R: I'm just saying!]
So you get the BAD things and without even the benefit of the USEFUL piece of PLASTIC to scrape ice off your CAR with!
What, you think it's useful for anything ELSE???
Meanwhile…
I have escaped from the MONSTER! …but I seem to have fallen down a bit of a HOLE!
I VERY NEARLY fell into the BLUE STRING SOUP. But fortunately, my fluffy bottom was big enough to stick in the hole on the way down.
All the Clangers have come to stand around me.
They do not look HAPPY.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Day 1911: Monster!
Tuesday:
Help! Help! There’s a MONSTER in these caves! Help!
Run away! Run away! Run away very VERY fast!
Help! Help! There’s a MONSTER in these caves! Help!
Run away! Run away! Run away very VERY fast!
Day 1910: A for ‘Orses
Monday:
BBC4 showed us “A for Andromeda”, which is a remake of a serial which they made a long time ago and (like some of the DOCTOR WHO) “mislaid”. It was rather good and Daddy got snuffly at the end.
However, early on, one of the scientists said something like: “all this happening by chance, it seems a bit improbable”.
And this reminds me of something that got Daddy Richard hot under the collar on “Thought for the Day” on the radio last week, when the man said: “either it all happened by chance or there was a designer.”
This is what Daddy calls a FALSE DICHOTOMY.
(A Dichotomy is a choice between two things and NOT a system of government based on being ruled by GREG DYKE, which is what I thought.)
If you were to jump out of the window, NOBODY would say that what happens next is a choice between the chance of flying off in a random direction or being dragged down to Earth by Cuddly Chtulhu.
No, you would say that there is a physical law called GRAVITY.
Then you would say “Arrrgh, SPLATT!” so DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
People get a bit confused because they think that the universe goes nothing, alakazam, stars+planets+people+lollipop ladies+radio four etc.
In fact it takes lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and LOTS and LOTS of tiny little baby steps over a VERY long time. MUCH longer than the attention span of most people. Perhaps it would be easier to notice if it took place in the ADVERT BREAKS on ITV1.
Anyway, watch out for people saying the FALSE DICHOTOMY, because it is a BAD argument! It is REALLY saying: “this happened MY way or in this very silly way that is nothing like what other people really say.”
BBC4 showed us “A for Andromeda”, which is a remake of a serial which they made a long time ago and (like some of the DOCTOR WHO) “mislaid”. It was rather good and Daddy got snuffly at the end.
However, early on, one of the scientists said something like: “all this happening by chance, it seems a bit improbable”.
And this reminds me of something that got Daddy Richard hot under the collar on “Thought for the Day” on the radio last week, when the man said: “either it all happened by chance or there was a designer.”
This is what Daddy calls a FALSE DICHOTOMY.
(A Dichotomy is a choice between two things and NOT a system of government based on being ruled by GREG DYKE, which is what I thought.)
If you were to jump out of the window, NOBODY would say that what happens next is a choice between the chance of flying off in a random direction or being dragged down to Earth by Cuddly Chtulhu.
No, you would say that there is a physical law called GRAVITY.
Then you would say “Arrrgh, SPLATT!” so DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
People get a bit confused because they think that the universe goes nothing, alakazam, stars+planets+people+lollipop ladies+radio four etc.
In fact it takes lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and LOTS and LOTS of tiny little baby steps over a VERY long time. MUCH longer than the attention span of most people. Perhaps it would be easier to notice if it took place in the ADVERT BREAKS on ITV1.
Anyway, watch out for people saying the FALSE DICHOTOMY, because it is a BAD argument! It is REALLY saying: “this happened MY way or in this very silly way that is nothing like what other people really say.”
Monday, March 27, 2006
Day 1909: It’s not ALL sleaze, you know
Sunday:
Daddy Alex has gone up to Manchester and is spending Mother’s Day with, er, his mother.
While he is away, Daddy Richard is building a clockwork dinosaur. I DO hope Daddy Alex gets home soon!
There is still a lot of fuss on the telly about Mr Blair doing favours for people who have given him money. And now it seems that Mr Blair’s people are having a go at Mr Balloon’s people for doing the same.
In fact, we listened to “Any Questions” and Mr Gerald Kaufman was trying to smear EVERYONE, including the Liberal Democrats, but he got that WRONG because the Liberal Democrats were checked out by the ELECTORAL COMMISSION and were told that it was OKAY!
I think that is VERY BAD to be trying to SMEAR EVERYONE. It is already bad enough that QUITE A LOT of people didn’t bother to vote at the last election last year and this is only going to make things WORSE.
VERY NEARLY ALL of the people who do politics are actually GOOD and HONEST. Yes, even in the Labour and the Conservatories. People do not do politics to get RICH. It is too much hard work! Occasionally, rarely, once in a while, someone (NOT looking at YOU, Mr Blair) will go a little bit PECULIAR. But this doesn’t mean that everyone else is ROTTEN.
What is DOES mean is that the other people have to work EVEN HARDER to make politics clean again.
Mr Blair was QUITE RIGHT when he said that they had to be WHITER THAN WHITE. It is a shame he was not listening when he said that!
In this case, people from the Labour (like maybe MR FROWN) should say to Mr Blair:
“Look, urr, I’m sorry, urr, Tony, but you cannot be on our team any longer. Urr. We cannot work with you, because you, urr, make it look like we’re all a bunch of CROOKS.”
Because if they don’t then it WILL look like they are all a bunch of CROOKS!
And Mr Balloon should stop keeping quiet about where his party got all its money from either.
If the people who gave himbungs loans still do not want to admit they are friends of Mr Balloon, then it is very simple: Mr Balloon should GIVE THEM THE MONEY BACK! Then he will have CLEAN HANDS and not look SHIFTY.
Also, if you think that a charity auction won by RICH FOREIGN BACKERS might be going to look like it is a SCAM… that is because it IS going to look like a SCAM!
Now, because the Electoral Commission said that the Liberal Democrats were OKAY, I do not know what they need to do, but it is no good me being smug about this because if I am something will turn up to bite me on my FLUFFY BOTTOM! SO the Liberal Democrats should make sure they are CLEAN too!
Plus, this means all the other parties too. Even that one led by CATWOMAN off Big Brother.
ANYWAY, that’s just what I think.
And now, the Clanger want to have the Internet back so that they can sell BLUE STRING SOUP on eBAY.
These hooting sock people are starting to give me a headache. I think I will go and explore some of these MOON CAVES!
Daddy Alex has gone up to Manchester and is spending Mother’s Day with, er, his mother.
While he is away, Daddy Richard is building a clockwork dinosaur. I DO hope Daddy Alex gets home soon!
There is still a lot of fuss on the telly about Mr Blair doing favours for people who have given him money. And now it seems that Mr Blair’s people are having a go at Mr Balloon’s people for doing the same.
In fact, we listened to “Any Questions” and Mr Gerald Kaufman was trying to smear EVERYONE, including the Liberal Democrats, but he got that WRONG because the Liberal Democrats were checked out by the ELECTORAL COMMISSION and were told that it was OKAY!
I think that is VERY BAD to be trying to SMEAR EVERYONE. It is already bad enough that QUITE A LOT of people didn’t bother to vote at the last election last year and this is only going to make things WORSE.
VERY NEARLY ALL of the people who do politics are actually GOOD and HONEST. Yes, even in the Labour and the Conservatories. People do not do politics to get RICH. It is too much hard work! Occasionally, rarely, once in a while, someone (NOT looking at YOU, Mr Blair) will go a little bit PECULIAR. But this doesn’t mean that everyone else is ROTTEN.
What is DOES mean is that the other people have to work EVEN HARDER to make politics clean again.
Mr Blair was QUITE RIGHT when he said that they had to be WHITER THAN WHITE. It is a shame he was not listening when he said that!
In this case, people from the Labour (like maybe MR FROWN) should say to Mr Blair:
“Look, urr, I’m sorry, urr, Tony, but you cannot be on our team any longer. Urr. We cannot work with you, because you, urr, make it look like we’re all a bunch of CROOKS.”
Because if they don’t then it WILL look like they are all a bunch of CROOKS!
And Mr Balloon should stop keeping quiet about where his party got all its money from either.
If the people who gave him
Also, if you think that a charity auction won by RICH FOREIGN BACKERS might be going to look like it is a SCAM… that is because it IS going to look like a SCAM!
Now, because the Electoral Commission said that the Liberal Democrats were OKAY, I do not know what they need to do, but it is no good me being smug about this because if I am something will turn up to bite me on my FLUFFY BOTTOM! SO the Liberal Democrats should make sure they are CLEAN too!
Plus, this means all the other parties too. Even that one led by CATWOMAN off Big Brother.
ANYWAY, that’s just what I think.
And now, the Clanger want to have the Internet back so that they can sell BLUE STRING SOUP on eBAY.
These hooting sock people are starting to give me a headache. I think I will go and explore some of these MOON CAVES!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Day 1908: Invasion
Saturday:
Do not PANIC! This is not a plot by the CLANGERS to overrun the Earth – “Invasion” is a special place called a DOCTOR WHO convention.
Even though I am now on the Moon for my own safety, I still have friends on the Earth and – like JAMES BOND! – I will give my SECRET AGENTS special code names to protect their identities from Mr Blair’s SECRET POLICE. They will be known only as DADDY A and DADDY R!
So, my Daddies went to the Invasion convention yesterday and have told me all about it. Daddy A concealed himself in the queue for autographs and Daddy R mingled with the crowd in the main hall listening to the GUEST SPEAKERS.
The FIRST people on the stage were MR WARIS HUSSEIN and MR DERREN NESBITT.
Mr Waris is a lovely man and he was also the very first ever person to direct an episode of DOCTOR WHO which is called AN UNEARTHLY CHILD and YOU can watch this if you get the DVD like we have!
Mr Derren is an actor who appeared in the fourth ever DOCTOR WHO story, which is called “Marco Polo” (which was ALSO directed by Mr Waris!) and is about the FAMOUS EXPLORER Fiat Polo. Unfortunately you cannot watch the DVD of Marco Polo. This is a bit of a sore point with my Daddies, because the BBC BURNT the only copy of the DVD!!! However some very clever people have done the NEXT BEST THING, and this is very good too.
We HAVE been watching a lot of Mr Derren recently, wearing a variety of wigs and sticky on beards, as he is usually GUEST VILLAIN in SIR LANCELOT. This is an exciting adventure serial which I would enjoy very much EXCEPT that it has a VERY AWFUL theme song that makes my fluffy ears ache!
Mr Derren told us about when he was in ITALY and ate at the same trattoria every day and had the SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE every day! Eventually he asked Mama Trattoria how she made spaghetti bolognaise so that he could make it for himself when he came home. So for years afterwards he could only make bolognaise in a HUGE pan enough to serve fifty people. (I think my Daddies have this same problem!)
The NEXT people on stage were the very lovely people from BIG FINISH audio adventures. They were: Mr Simon and Mr Ian and Mr Joe and Mr Dick Darlington (the handsome Australian barman) and the very lovely Mr Russell T Gary who is the producer of DOCTOR WHO.
Big Fish make DOCTOR WHO stories on CD (as I have said before CDs are like DVDs but without pictures). They ALSO do CD adventures of PROFESSOR BENNY SUMMERFIELD who is a friend who used to travel with Dr WHO but who doesn’t need a Time Lord to do cool stuff! And they do BOOKS too!
Agent Daddy R was particularly excited by the news that they have just recorded a Doctor Who adventure for COLIN BAKER and NICOLA BRYANT with CLAUDIA CHRISTIAN and that they will be publishing a book about Benny from BEN AARANOVICH.
My Daddy says that I have a Big Finish, but I THINK that he means I have a Big Bottom!!! He is VERY mean!
After that, the THIRD person (if you count the Big Finish people as one person, otherwise he was theSEVENTH EIGHTH) on the stage was Mr RICHARD BRIARS. Apparently he was in DOCTOR WHO once too – and he apologised for his underplayed and understated performance.
But he is much more famous for lots of other stuff. In particular playing Mr TOM in THE GOOD LIFE. This is still very popular THIRTY YEARS after they made it! Mr Richard thought that this was because it was not like the television on telly today, and that it is quite a relief to most viewers that Margo DOESN’T come in with a six inch knife dripping in blood! I think he has a POINT there!
However, since he enjoys being an actor, Mr Richard says that (much as he loves the Good Life) he enjoyed the acting more in EVER DECREASING CIRCLES. I think this is one of the VERY FEW things my Daddies do not have on DVD! No doubt they will correct this soon.
But the BEST thing about Mr Richard is that he is the voice of RHOOBARB AND CUSTARD who are my very favoritest cartoon green dog and pink cat. (Do not try watching all of the cartoons in one go though or the Nuh-nuh-nerrr Nuh-nuh-nerrr theme tune will drive you around the bend! Even more than the Sir Lancelot song!)
After this Daddy R went to see where Daddy A had got to. This was very naughty of him as it meant that he missed the talk from Mr KEV McCURDY who worked on the fights and stunts for the new telly series of DOCTOR WHO. Fortunately, Daddy A met him for his autograph and said he was very, very nice and probably the most genuinely pleased that people WANTED his autograph!
In the afternoon, Daddy R waited with Daddy A in the long queue for autographs from MISS CAMILLE CODURI. Even though this was a very long queue, it actually moved rather quickly and was organised very well! Even so, this meant that Daddy R missed the talk from Mr Dirty Den. Another black mark for Agent Daddy there!
However, he did return to the hall to listen to MISS SARAH SUTTON who once played ROO in WINNIE THE POOH and was in the MOON STALLION before she got to travel with TWO Dr Whos as Nyssa, who is a fairy princess from the planet Traken.
She was asked about her “notorious SKIRT DROPPING scene!” and told us that the producer had said to her “you’ve got such PRETTY underwear and it’s such a shame that no one gets to see it!”
I have looked up the word NAÏVE!
Both of myDaddies Agents were in the hall, and so was almost everybody else, for the first convention appearance for the fabulous MISS CAMILLE CODURI who plays ROSE TYLER’S MUM on telly. She may have been a bit nervous to start with, but she soon hit her stride when she realised that the audience loved her.
[R: And loved a bit of Jackie innuendo!]
She also gave us a bit of a TEASER TRAILER for the SECOND series: apparently Jackie will TIME TRAVEL, and it will be funny how it happens! Daddies are gagging for the new series more than ever now!
After the RAPTUROUS applause for Miss Camille had died down, the day was rounded out with a panel of four excellent people who had all been MONSTERS! Mr Barnaby Edwards and Mr Nicholas Pegg had both trundled and terrified as shiny scary gold DALEKS; Mr Simon Day was the STEWARD who got cooked by THE END OF THE WORLD; and Mr Alan Ruscoe was lots of monsters, but the most terrifying was certainly the ANNE DROID!!!
Anyway, I must go now because I have lots of things to explain to the CLANGERS who have not seen the new series of DOCTOR WHO yet – they have been having to make do with some old films of THE DALEKS MASTER PLAN and FURY FROM THE DEEP.
Do not PANIC! This is not a plot by the CLANGERS to overrun the Earth – “Invasion” is a special place called a DOCTOR WHO convention.
Even though I am now on the Moon for my own safety, I still have friends on the Earth and – like JAMES BOND! – I will give my SECRET AGENTS special code names to protect their identities from Mr Blair’s SECRET POLICE. They will be known only as DADDY A and DADDY R!
So, my Daddies went to the Invasion convention yesterday and have told me all about it. Daddy A concealed himself in the queue for autographs and Daddy R mingled with the crowd in the main hall listening to the GUEST SPEAKERS.
The FIRST people on the stage were MR WARIS HUSSEIN and MR DERREN NESBITT.
Mr Waris is a lovely man and he was also the very first ever person to direct an episode of DOCTOR WHO which is called AN UNEARTHLY CHILD and YOU can watch this if you get the DVD like we have!
Mr Derren is an actor who appeared in the fourth ever DOCTOR WHO story, which is called “Marco Polo” (which was ALSO directed by Mr Waris!) and is about the FAMOUS EXPLORER Fiat Polo. Unfortunately you cannot watch the DVD of Marco Polo. This is a bit of a sore point with my Daddies, because the BBC BURNT the only copy of the DVD!!! However some very clever people have done the NEXT BEST THING, and this is very good too.
We HAVE been watching a lot of Mr Derren recently, wearing a variety of wigs and sticky on beards, as he is usually GUEST VILLAIN in SIR LANCELOT. This is an exciting adventure serial which I would enjoy very much EXCEPT that it has a VERY AWFUL theme song that makes my fluffy ears ache!
Mr Derren told us about when he was in ITALY and ate at the same trattoria every day and had the SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE every day! Eventually he asked Mama Trattoria how she made spaghetti bolognaise so that he could make it for himself when he came home. So for years afterwards he could only make bolognaise in a HUGE pan enough to serve fifty people. (I think my Daddies have this same problem!)
The NEXT people on stage were the very lovely people from BIG FINISH audio adventures. They were: Mr Simon and Mr Ian and Mr Joe and Mr Dick Darlington (the handsome Australian barman) and the very lovely Mr Russell T Gary who is the producer of DOCTOR WHO.
Big Fish make DOCTOR WHO stories on CD (as I have said before CDs are like DVDs but without pictures). They ALSO do CD adventures of PROFESSOR BENNY SUMMERFIELD who is a friend who used to travel with Dr WHO but who doesn’t need a Time Lord to do cool stuff! And they do BOOKS too!
Agent Daddy R was particularly excited by the news that they have just recorded a Doctor Who adventure for COLIN BAKER and NICOLA BRYANT with CLAUDIA CHRISTIAN and that they will be publishing a book about Benny from BEN AARANOVICH.
My Daddy says that I have a Big Finish, but I THINK that he means I have a Big Bottom!!! He is VERY mean!
After that, the THIRD person (if you count the Big Finish people as one person, otherwise he was the
But he is much more famous for lots of other stuff. In particular playing Mr TOM in THE GOOD LIFE. This is still very popular THIRTY YEARS after they made it! Mr Richard thought that this was because it was not like the television on telly today, and that it is quite a relief to most viewers that Margo DOESN’T come in with a six inch knife dripping in blood! I think he has a POINT there!
However, since he enjoys being an actor, Mr Richard says that (much as he loves the Good Life) he enjoyed the acting more in EVER DECREASING CIRCLES. I think this is one of the VERY FEW things my Daddies do not have on DVD! No doubt they will correct this soon.
But the BEST thing about Mr Richard is that he is the voice of RHOOBARB AND CUSTARD who are my very favoritest cartoon green dog and pink cat. (Do not try watching all of the cartoons in one go though or the Nuh-nuh-nerrr Nuh-nuh-nerrr theme tune will drive you around the bend! Even more than the Sir Lancelot song!)
After this Daddy R went to see where Daddy A had got to. This was very naughty of him as it meant that he missed the talk from Mr KEV McCURDY who worked on the fights and stunts for the new telly series of DOCTOR WHO. Fortunately, Daddy A met him for his autograph and said he was very, very nice and probably the most genuinely pleased that people WANTED his autograph!
In the afternoon, Daddy R waited with Daddy A in the long queue for autographs from MISS CAMILLE CODURI. Even though this was a very long queue, it actually moved rather quickly and was organised very well! Even so, this meant that Daddy R missed the talk from Mr Dirty Den. Another black mark for Agent Daddy there!
However, he did return to the hall to listen to MISS SARAH SUTTON who once played ROO in WINNIE THE POOH and was in the MOON STALLION before she got to travel with TWO Dr Whos as Nyssa, who is a fairy princess from the planet Traken.
She was asked about her “notorious SKIRT DROPPING scene!” and told us that the producer had said to her “you’ve got such PRETTY underwear and it’s such a shame that no one gets to see it!”
I have looked up the word NAÏVE!
Both of my
[R: And loved a bit of Jackie innuendo!]
She also gave us a bit of a TEASER TRAILER for the SECOND series: apparently Jackie will TIME TRAVEL, and it will be funny how it happens! Daddies are gagging for the new series more than ever now!
After the RAPTUROUS applause for Miss Camille had died down, the day was rounded out with a panel of four excellent people who had all been MONSTERS! Mr Barnaby Edwards and Mr Nicholas Pegg had both trundled and terrified as shiny scary gold DALEKS; Mr Simon Day was the STEWARD who got cooked by THE END OF THE WORLD; and Mr Alan Ruscoe was lots of monsters, but the most terrifying was certainly the ANNE DROID!!!
Anyway, I must go now because I have lots of things to explain to the CLANGERS who have not seen the new series of DOCTOR WHO yet – they have been having to make do with some old films of THE DALEKS MASTER PLAN and FURY FROM THE DEEP.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Day 1907: I was NOT driving!
Friday:
We have CRASH LANDED on the MOON!
I am appealing to the CLANGERS for POLITICAL ASYLUM!
What do you mean "OO-oo OO-OOO-oo-oo OOO"?!?!?!
We have CRASH LANDED on the MOON!
I am appealing to the CLANGERS for POLITICAL ASYLUM!
What do you mean "OO-oo OO-OOO-oo-oo OOO"?!?!?!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Day 1906: In Space!
Thursday:
After yesterday, I have had to escape in a ROCKET SHIP with my new best friend FLASH GLADSTONE! (He is related to the FAMOUS PRIME MINISTER Richard Gadstone!)
We have BLASTED OFF for the planet MONGO in the hope that His Imperial Supremacy HRH Sir Mr the Merciless will be able to protect me!
Fortunately, we can still get telly here in space!
We were going to watch “Questionable Time”, because Mr David Laws is on it and this means that I can plug Daddy Alex’s blog!
But what’s this? Mr Boy George has just popped up on the telly. Isn’t this after his bedtime?
Anyway, he says that Mr Frown is a jolly rotten stinker and yah boo sucks to him. He says that Mr Frown has ruined the entire country by charging oodles of tax and taking all the sweeties ‘n’ stuff. But don’t worry ‘cos things would be whizzo and double splendid under Mr Balloon who promises to, er, not do anything different ‘cos that would frighten the horses, what ho!
Now let’s raid the tuck shop: lashings of ginger pop all round!
[R: Millennium is crediting the shadow chancellor with more charisma than he actually demonstrated.]
After yesterday, I have had to escape in a ROCKET SHIP with my new best friend FLASH GLADSTONE! (He is related to the FAMOUS PRIME MINISTER Richard Gadstone!)
We have BLASTED OFF for the planet MONGO in the hope that His Imperial Supremacy HRH Sir Mr the Merciless will be able to protect me!
Fortunately, we can still get telly here in space!
We were going to watch “Questionable Time”, because Mr David Laws is on it and this means that I can plug Daddy Alex’s blog!
But what’s this? Mr Boy George has just popped up on the telly. Isn’t this after his bedtime?
Anyway, he says that Mr Frown is a jolly rotten stinker and yah boo sucks to him. He says that Mr Frown has ruined the entire country by charging oodles of tax and taking all the sweeties ‘n’ stuff. But don’t worry ‘cos things would be whizzo and double splendid under Mr Balloon who promises to, er, not do anything different ‘cos that would frighten the horses, what ho!
Now let’s raid the tuck shop: lashings of ginger pop all round!
[R: Millennium is crediting the shadow chancellor with more charisma than he actually demonstrated.]
Day 1905: In Hiding
Wednesday:
Well, the RadioTimes have managed to make Daddy Richard look VERY stupid, because Mr Poirot is back next week and the week after in “After the Funeral” and “Taken at the Flood” so he was wrong BOTH times!
In the meantime, I was going to write a special piece about Mr Frown’s budget but I tried watching it and FELL ASLEEP! Did he say ANYTHING interesting at all? I know he has been doing it for ten years, but it seemed like he went on for ten years ALL IN ONE DAY!
I woke up when Mr Balloon appeared and started shouting. He was very excited about something, but I find it hard to believe it was Mr Frown’s speech. Maybe he had just swallowed a wasp.
But there is MUCH MORE serious news than Mr Frown boring the pants off everyone – Mr Balloon has BETRAYED ME! He has stopped his team in the HOUSE OF LORDS club from voting against GLORIFYING JAMES BOND and now it will be the law!!
I must go now, because I think Mr Blair has sent his STORMTROOPERS to GET ME!!!!!
Well, the RadioTimes have managed to make Daddy Richard look VERY stupid, because Mr Poirot is back next week and the week after in “After the Funeral” and “Taken at the Flood” so he was wrong BOTH times!
In the meantime, I was going to write a special piece about Mr Frown’s budget but I tried watching it and FELL ASLEEP! Did he say ANYTHING interesting at all? I know he has been doing it for ten years, but it seemed like he went on for ten years ALL IN ONE DAY!
I woke up when Mr Balloon appeared and started shouting. He was very excited about something, but I find it hard to believe it was Mr Frown’s speech. Maybe he had just swallowed a wasp.
But there is MUCH MORE serious news than Mr Frown boring the pants off everyone – Mr Balloon has BETRAYED ME! He has stopped his team in the HOUSE OF LORDS club from voting against GLORIFYING JAMES BOND and now it will be the law!!
I must go now, because I think Mr Blair has sent his STORMTROOPERS to GET ME!!!!!
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