...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Day 2575: Oh Carolina!


News from the United States of Amnesia*.

Michigan voters decided that the Republican contest was too much fun, and kept the whole circus alive by making Senator Mitt Mormony into the "Comeback Creep".

He has also picked up the Nevada caucus, with a huge 51% of Nevadans voting for the "please don't invade us, Utah" option.

But from South Carolina, where Mr Mormony was pressed into a humiliating fourth behind Fred Flintstone, rival Senator Mick Hucky-Mucky-Puppy delivered a STINGING rebuke to the Moron from Mass, saying "the following Replutocrats were real swell fellas: Senator Oven-Chip… that is all!"

What all of this means is that the Replutocrats are in more of a muddle than ever. The dividing lines in the party between the rich-as-Croesus faction and the lunatics-for-Jebus wing (as in President Bush's Brother, O Jebus Bush) are only getting worse.

The ultra-rich look increasingly like they are going to hold their noses and vote for superannuated war maniac Senator Oven-Chip; while Senator Mucky-puppy is out trying to appeal to the Jebus-ite tendency who, as I've said before, are mad keen for another folksy monomaniac, so long as he's not the current folksy monomaniac who, hard as this is to believe, isn't down with Mr God enough for them. Senator Mormony is probably going to fall between two stools by trying to wear both HATS – not easy, but at least he has TWO FACES to go with them.

(That joke, © Yes Prime Minister)

None of this is good news for the man famous for ranting at his staff, late starter Mr Rude-y Giuliani, one-time head guy in New York – I think that means they called him Don Giuliani, though now he is retired he must be Don Rulin'.

HE had hoped to be the one to pick up the anti-religious (aka "I'm Sane") votes but it seems Senator Oven-Chip may have beaten him to the punch, there. We'll have to see what happens in Florida to see if Don Rude-y can pull it back, or if he'll be swimming with the fishes.

Things are so much simpler for the Democrats now, where it has turned into a straight BITCH-FIGHT between Hillary-Billary and Barry O. And you don't need to be a fluffy toy to know which of those two is the b… est candidate. Ouch!

Bad week though for Senator John Edwards, whose cunning plan after Iowa – to hint that he might throw his weight behind Mr Oklambama – seems to have BACKFIRED spectacularly, with the voters in Nevada squeezing him out almost entirely. Far from positioning himself as kingmaker, and potential vice-presidential material, he seems to have made himself irrelevant in the eyes of most voters. Which, of course, he is.

Since last I wrote about this, Governor Richardson has dropped out of the race, seeing which way the wind was blowing and bowing out gracefully. I still wouldn't rule him out completely for the vice-president's ticket, though: Hillary-Billary seems to be picking up votes in two KEY Democrat constituencies: women, obviously, and also the Hispanic community who, traditionally, organise better but below the radar compared with the more vocal black constituency that are tending to support Mr Oklambama.

Next the Democrats follow the Replutocrats to South Carolina, and Mr Barry is hoping to do well which will help him bounce back, then everyone is off to Florida for Mickey-Mouse's vote before super-double-duper Tuesday in February really starts to sort things out.

Mr God Bless Amnesia*

*Where all Replutocrats are campaigning as the "pro-change, anti-Washington" guy and seem to have forgotten just exactly WHICH party is currently IN the White House! They've certainly forgotten to remember to invite the Monkey-in-Chief to any campaign functions!

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