...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Day 2584: Dither and Flip-Flops


General APOPLEXY grips the Conservatory Party once more on the news that they have comprehensively NEUTERED their attack over the Mr Peter Vain affair and lost themselves the chance to take pot shots at Postman Pat.

I'm referring, of course, to Mr Derek Con(servatory)way who has had to APOLOGISE to the House of Commons for finding a neat way around the Student Loan problems for his son (or indeed sons… or indeed sons and wife).

"It is a WITCH-HUNT!" says another of the witches!

Which must make Mr Balloon the WITCH-FINDER GENERAL!

"You're FIRED," he said, "LET'S BURN HIM!"

This leaves Mr Balloon without a line of attack on the Labour's money woes. Anything he cares to name will see Mr Frown knock him to the boundary with a straight bat:

"And they said I couldn't increase my majority over the Conservatories! You accuse us over some small… uhh… incompetences, but you've had to SACK one of your own MP's because he was… uhh… having it away with great sacks of my… uhh… taxpayers' wonga! That, Mr Speaker, is the difference between the Conservatories and the Labour: they're… uhh… crooked because they MEAN it whereas we are just… uhh… a bit RUBBISH… uhh… hang on…"

Mr Balloon's latest Flip-Flop, this Change of Mind to get "Tough on Crime; Tough on the Conservatories of Crime", has left Dave's Mate Mr "Mate of Dave" Robinson with egg on his face, after he explained earlier why Mr Balloon was going to chicken out of punishing Mr Con(servatory)way.

Obviously sacking him IS the RIGHT thing to do – if it had been someone working for Tesco or ASDA employing their kids to collect the trolleys, then handing out great big bonuses even when all the trolleys are still scattered around the far end of the car park, you can bet that the management would want to see their P45 printed pretty smartly! And Mr Balloon managed flip to the right conclusion after being wrong for only twenty-four hours – which is a record for him!

"There is no question of dither here," clarified Mr Balloon. "It's straightforward, Decisive Dave – yesterday I decisively decided to back Mr Con(servatory)way to the hilt; today I decided decisively to plunge my dagger into his back… to the hilt. Simple, no nonsense, diametrically opposed potions. That's my way, the new way, the Conservatory Way! (er, he's fired, by the way.)"

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