...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Day 2313: Mayday! Mayday! Prime Monster in Distress!


Just GO already!

And so the PROTRACTED demise of Lord Blairimort continues and, like in HAMLET, the entire COURT has been wiped out but the death scene STILL goes on FAR TOO LONG.

As ever, the Labour seek to use their spin machine to try to cover up what is really going on. Rather than face up to the peoples' decisions in Scotland and Wales and the local elections, the Labour – just like in the Hartlepool by-election, when Lord Blairimort first got himself into this mess – are PRE-EMPTING the results and trying to BURY any BAD NEWS.

This week saw Lord Blairimort celebrate a DECADE in POWER. Or, more accurately, two years of doing exactly what the Conservatories had said they would do and eight years of doing exactly what the Monkey-in-Chief said he should do.

Looking back on this time, Sir Mr the Merciless gave the Prime Monster a very generous 4 out of 10.

Lord Blairimort has read this report. He quoted from it extensively at Prime Monster's TV Quiz, listing the things Liberal Democrats say he has got right: an "ethical foreign policy" (terms and conditions apply), economic stability, Scottish and Welsh devolution and increased investment in public services.

Strangely, he did NOT read out the bits that say where he has gone WRONG. Increases in personal debt; widening of the gap between rich and poor; 2% rise in Carbon emissions when the Labour promised to cut them; more deficits in the NHS; failure to meet their pledge on class sizes; increased violent crime; and above all the worst foreign policy decision since Suez, the illegal invasion of Iraq.

Mr Jonny has draws lesson for us from this.

But Lord Blairimort is ALWAYS like this: he is only interested in PRESENTATION and only interested in THINGS THAT MAKE HIM LOOK GOOD.

"He has squeezed the VALUES out of British politics," Sir Mr the Merciless told the BBC, "That's why there's a real opportunity for a party of principle like ours."

Lord Blairimort's PARTISAN BLINKERS might get him some cheap laughs in the House of Commons, but really they just HURT the country. He believes that he can do no wrong – so he just sticks his fingers in his ears and goes "lalalalala" rather than listen to any criticism. And THAT is why he makes such DISASTROUS mistakes.

Which reminds me: Mr Balloon also joined the celebration.

"Tony Blair's time started with great hope but has ended with disappointment," said Mr Balloon, reminding everyone just how much HE wants to be like Lord Blairimort.

It is no longer the case – if it ever was in the first place – that the BLAME for whatever happens on Thursday can be placed on Lord Blairimort's shoulders and he will depart leaving a new and innocent Mr Frown in charge. Certainly that was never going to be Lord Blairimort's plan! And now, even Mr Frown is being forced to admit that he may perhaps have had some small hand in running the country for the last ten years.

But by rolling out an ongoing Lord Blairimort SAGA of will he/won't he be announcing his walking of the ceremonial plank, the Labour hope to distract the news media into covering that story more than any actual democratic process that might be going on. Leaking that the announcement might come BEFORE the elections on Thursday has enabled them to keep it going through several "news cycles" and focus the spotlight firmly on themselves – one way or another – for the whole election week. And they will keep control of the news agenda after the election by tantalising the press with hints of the moment when Lord B ACTUALLY resigns.

I am not QUITE sure how good an idea it is to campaign on the slogan "I'm out'a here; don't blame the lot I'm leaving behind". It is as likely to remind voters that this is their last chance to give Lord Blairimort a good KICKING in the BALLOTS as it is to make them think "ah, we are renewed with Mr Frown!"

Mind you, you'd probably have to be drinking DRAIN-O to wake up thinking "ah, we are renewed with Mr Frown!"

Even at this stage, Lord Blairimort has to GRIT his teeth in order to spit out an endorsement of his Chancellor, still unable to name his successor by name:

"In all probability a Scot will become prime minister of the United Kingdom," he said at a gathering of those party workers still loyal to him. Both of them.

Does he STILL think that Nice Mr Dr John Reid could have a go at dethroning the prince in waiting and waiting and waiting?

Actually, it has been a fairly TYPICAL week at the Home Office when even though they might have been TRUMPETING a good result with several nasty terrorist banged, er not in this context, locked up, they STILL manage to make a mess of it by accidentally letting on that they've been covering up for MI5's having probably made a cock-up over the July 7th terrorists.

"WE never knew who they were, nice Master; thought they were nasty thieving fraudsters, we did, Master, but not terroristses, oh no," said nice Mr Dr Reid.

He added: "of course we knew who they were, my precious; we followed them home and took lots of snapses with the cameras, Gollum."

Actually, catching terrorists is REALLY QUITE DIFFICULT, and we cannot expect our secret agents to get it right every single time. They have to make choices about who to target and which contacts to follow, and sometimes they are going to get it wrong.

It IS horrible when they get it wrong, but it is also quite rare. Remember, they missed one lot of terrorists because they were concentrating on another lot, who they went on to catch.

As usual, though, it is the COVERING UP afterwards that is the serious problem – how can we learn from mistakes if we are too busy pretending that they never happened? How can MI5 be accountable to Parliament if they only give Parliament the EDITED HIGHLIGHTS?

Funnily enough, this came up at Prime Monster's TV Quiz too. It was all VERY predictable. Or as Daddy Alex said: "So it has come to this, a PMQT Clips Show".

Mr Balloon called for an inquiry

Lord Blairimort said no.

Sir Mr the Merciless asked if anyone would take responsibility for the mistakes made in Iraq.

Lord Blairimort said no.

Sir Mr the Merciless told the house who was responsible: the Monkey-in-Chief took the decision, Lord Blairimort made the case, Mr Frown signed the cheques and the Conservatories voted it through.

Lord Blairimort (knowing Sir M was out of questions) said that Liberal Democrats would have let Mr Saddam stay in power. (Unlike Lord Blairimort who actually told the House of Commons that, er, he would let Mr Saddam stay in power.)

Mr Balloon asked if Lord Blairimort would say anything nice about his successor.

Lord Blairimort rattled off his prepared thousand-page list.

Mr Balloon sat down looking embarrassed.

We have seen it all before.

At least Lord Blairimort didn't say: "I'm enjoying this!"

Daddy watched it all with me on the Daily Politics with the voter-o-meters: it was interesting to see that Sir Mr the Merciless got very strong positives with his question – worth remembering for those thinking the Iraq debacle is now "old news" – and Sir M's support is strongest among younger voters. Lord Blairimort, on the other fluffy foot, got only lukewarm support for his answers and in particular, when he was being partisan, it polarised the voters along partisan lines too – meaning he can no longer convince anyone other than the few remaining people who are going to vote for the Labour anyway.

I wonder how Mr Frown will do.

The Newsnight Show has run a poll saying that 73% of voters would like to get rid of him straight away give him his own mandate with a snap election after Lord Blairimort goes.

They should be so lucky!

In fact, there is NO NEED for a general election: we elect our MPs and not our PMs. Mr Frown will be able to command a majority of the House of Commons – probably – and that means he gets to be Prime Monster. Just like Mr Minor did for the Conservatories or Mr Call-again did for the Labour last time.

Mr Frown should be allowed to have his two or three years in charge. Then everyone will see that he is just the same as Lord Blairimort.

Of course, a snap BY-ELECTION in SEDGEFIELD would be an entirely other question!

GOOD LUCK to everyone in the local and devolved elections!

Condensed version: "just GO already!"

1 comment:

John said...

Hello from Berneray (population 128) in the Outer Hebrides.

I have voted, and blogged, and taken pictures. See: