Into the Valley of Death (or at least Newspaper Ridicule) rode the brave Davis David, Conservatory Shadow Home Secretary… sorry FORMER Conservatory Shadow Home Secretary, bold Mr Balloon waited all of NO seconds to give Mr David his full support and REPLACE him.
But this really WAS something from a different and bygone age. A politician fighting a by-election to raise a point of principle? Unheard of! No wonder this cynical, corrupt and bankrupt Government doesn't know what to make of it!
Of course it would have been more USEFUL for the thirty-six Labour rebels to resign THEIR seats! The Labour being bankrupt in actual CASH terms as well as morally would probably be SUNK if they had to try to defend thirty-six by-elections simultaneously.
Sadly, I do not think that the Liberal Democrats could afford to do that either, magnificent as it would have been to join Mr David's campaign! A solitary by-election will be treated as something of a silly season joke by the media; fifty-seven of them couldn't be ignored in the same way; it would MAKE people sit up and take notice. It would certainly be INTERESTING to see if the Conservatories would be willing to stand down against all of OUR MPs on this issue in the way that we have stood aside for them in Haltemprice and Howden.
The OTHER problem, of course, is that Haltemprice is no place for the Labour. It MIGHT have been on the horizon for the Liberal Democrats (though a combination of our candidate standing down and Mr Davis's very high profile have made even that more distant) but in all honesty, he could stand on a platform of making Thursday COMPULSORY NUDE DAY and he'd still get a decent majority there.
Personally, I have no doubts that Mr Davis David is completely sincere, but it makes it all too easy for the Labour to say: "Well, why SHOULD we come and get hammered in a seat in which we would get hammered regardless?"
Maybe it would have been better to say that when the next by-election in a Labour marginal (i.e. any) comes up THEN he would resign Haltemprice and Howden and he would contest the MARGINAL on this issue. That would have meant that there was a MEANINGFUL risk involved and would have sunk the Labour's claims that he is just SHOWBOATING.
Mr Clogg was, obviously, QUITE RIGHT to say that we would not be standing a candidate against Mr Davis David. How COULD we stand against him when the issue of Civil Liberties is even more important to us that it is to him? TO do so would be dishonourable. And we would look hypocritical too.
We aren't opening ourselves up to any long term risk. This is not a stunt that the Conservatories can pull very often, and I do not think that very many of them would have the COHUNES to try it!
We DO loose a bit of (or a bit MORE) ground in Haltemprice, and we DO lose a little of the kudos of the issue to Mr David. Although we COULD have lost a whole lot more if it hadn't been for Mr Clogg giving Mr David his full backing and Mr Balloon being a total sad sack on the issue.
In fact, thanks to Mr Balloon's EQUIVOCATION and MEALY-MOUTHEDNESS the Conservatories have tossed away what could have been a substantial advantage. Instead of a CLEAR and PRINCIPLED difference between their policy and the Labour it looks like they had to be dragged kicking and screaming through the right lobby and would now much rather join Miss Anne Widdyone in a snuggle up with the Magna-Carta-murders opposite.
The REAL downside is that because WE are not standing, it gives the Labour an excuse to say THEY aren't going to stand either.
That would have mattered less if a SUBSTANTIAL and CREDIBLE independent (or failing that a FAT MAN with the backing of a foreign BILLIONAIRE) had had the courage to stand on a Pro-42 days platform and make a proper debate of it. But now it seem like the Scum have BOTTLED it as well.
The Labour are SHAMELESS. (And if you are not MORTALLY EMBARRASSED when ALGERIA is criticising your Human Rights record then you HAVE NO SHAME!)
The Labour are not REALLY interested in DEMOCRACY either – they prefer to think that since they OBVIOUSLY know best they should be telling everyone else what to do.
So it is quite difficult to SHAME them into facing a challenge using the instruments of DEMOCRACY.
Mr Davis David is a ROMANTIC figure – no, not delivering milk tray and definitely not red roses. But he believes in the myth of one man making a difference. Like a pro-hanging Knight Rider with a broken nose. He believes that this is a matter of HONOUR and that HONOURABLE GENTLEPERSONS and HONOURABLE MEMBERS should settle this in the HONOURABLE way.
Unfortunately he might as well have demanded a dual from a machine for mechanically recovering meat steamed off the bone. Which, come to think of it, is exactly what he HAS done.
Bon chance against the cannons, monsieur!