...a blog by Richard Flowers

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Day 2298: No Confidence in the Conservatories


Apparently, the Conservatory Shadow Chancellor and Minister for the Tuck Shop, Mr Boy George Oboe, is to call for a vote of no-confidence in Mr Frown.

On the scale of STUPIDITY this lies somewhere between a JADE GOODY and a DARWIN AWARD WINNER.

Liberal Democrats would be well advised to have nothing at all to do with it.

FIRST, the COMPLETELY OBVIOUS reply that Mr Frown should make is to start his response by saying:

"Clearly, this motion should be one of no confidence in the SHADOW CHANCELLOR, Mr Boy George Oboe, who cannot add up, tie his own shoe laces or even spot it when I take a tax cut away with the same hand that I give it. And if, as I fully expect to do, I carry the House today, I hope that he will consider his own position."

And Mr Boy George will say: "Err..."

The Labour will win and Mr Boy George will have effectively no-confidenced HIMSELF.

So he either resigns (not a chance) or admits that Conservatory motions are worth less than the paper that they are printed on.

SECOND, Mr Frown needs only to remark:

"Ten years ago you voted against this measure and you have voted against every finance bill since. Throughout those last ten years, this country has seen the longest period of sustained economic growth since ever. Which proves that I was right. And you were wrong. In fact, consistent opposition to a successful economy appears to be the ONLY policy that you have kept over the course of those ten years, because you don't have a single other policy left do you?"

And Mr Boy George will say: "Umm..."

The complete LACK OF COHERENCE to the Conservatory economic position will be LAID BARE. Mr Boy George Oboe cannot convince anyone that he could govern the economy better than the man who has – though a lot of luck but some judgement – kept it rather well for a decade because he DOESN'T HAVE ANY POLICY for what he would do instead.

They try to trot out some nonsense about married couple allowances; they quickly row it back. They try to launch a green-ish tax agenda; they quickly bury it. Every shadow minister and his old Etonian House Master promise a bit more spending here there and everywhere; Mr Boy George has to disavow all of them and say he won't write his budget until he's in the treasury. So never then. He is the IN-OUT-SHAKE-IT-ALL-ABOUT Shadow Chancellor, desperately seeking something, anything to gain a bit of traction.

Plus it looks like Mr Boy George has only just caught up with what the rest of us spotted TEN YEARS AGO. Way to look on the ball, Georgie Boy.

And THIRD, Mr Frown will simply say:

"Oh, you want to talk about ten years ago, do you? Well, ten years ago the Labour had just replaced a Conservatory government that squandered billions on Black Wednesday, doubled the national debt, starved the NHS of cash, broke up the railways, took cash for questions and ATE BABIES! This is the record of the Conservatories and this is what they want to talk about!"

And Mr Boy George will say: "Oops..."

All of Mr Balloon's efforts to put the past IN the past will be undone because the Conservatories THEMSELVES are putting "ten years ago" in play as relevant to today.

There are only two reasons for calling a vote of No Confidence. One is if it is a point of ABSOLUTE PRINCIPLE: e.g. the Prime Monster should not have lied about going to war. The other is if you might be in a position to WIN.

This is neither.

The Conservatories are just trying to make Mr Frown look BAD by muck raking over old news that just happens to have a topical flavour. I know that the Labour have made an ART FORM of announcing and re-announcing policy launches to make them seem new, but now the Conservatories appear to have started re-announcing their OPPOSITION to things! It is POLITICAL OPPORTUNISM GONE MAD.

We should say so and say loudly that we are not interested in supporting them.

They have had TEN YEARS to bring this up and there are so many IMPORTANT things to do now instead. Is this REALLY the most important thing they can think of to do?

It is like the other day on Mr Andy Marr's programme when Mr Balloon said that the first thing he would want to do on getting into number ten would be to hold an inquiry into the Navy letting a couple of sailors sell their story. WHAT?!?!?! What about the ENVIRONMENT? Or CIVIL LIBERTIES? Or NHS reform? Or any of the things that are supposed to be part of the NEW Conservatory agenda. Nope, hold an inquiry. Hold an inquiry into something really minor that everyone will have forgotten by then. That is just TYPICAL of Mr Balloon's Conservatories. Let's not have any policies; let's just hold endless inquiries!

Our MPs should all announce that they will leave the chamber and go and do proper work for their constituents rather than wasting Parliamentary Time with the ALL TALK NO ACTION Conservatories!

If you want something DOING, get a Liberal Democrat!

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