Day 2502: Found Guilty? Don't Worry – the Labour's Mayor's Office will back you!

Wednesday:


The Labour certainly stand by their CRIMINAL element.

No doubt you remember Ms Miranda Grell – found GUILTY of telling lies. The Labour have decided to fund her appeal, despite her own statement to the police admitting that she lied. She is reported as "suspended" from her job working for Deputy Mayor Ms Nicky Gavron – suspended as in NOT FIRED for being a convicted, self-admitted liar, then?

No doubt you remember Sir Ian Clone of Lord Blairimort – found GUILTY of putting the public in harm's way. The Labour's Mayor Mr Ken continues to stick by him, even though the TOOTHLESS London Assembly has passed a motion of no-confidence. Obviously the London Assembly was created by the Labour, so you can hardly expect them to have given any POWER to the democratically REPRESENTATIVE body, can you? (And how can Mr Ken claim to REPRESENT anyone if he IGNORES the views of anyone who disagrees with him?)

Ms Grell has put out a statement saying that she doesn't accept the court's judgement. So, scratch "law abiding" from her CV as well.

Her friends and family have started a campaign to overturn the court's verdict. They claim that they never heard any of the things she is meant to have said. Presumably they weren't in court then, when there was testimony from the people who INDEPENDENTLY reported her to hate-crime unit ALERT, or the further FIVE WITNESSES there to testify that she accused her opponent of sleeping with boys of 14, 15 or 16 or HER OWN LABOUR RUNNING MATE, Mr Nicholas Russell, who was "disgusted" by her attitude and also heard her claim her victim had a "fourteen-year-old Thai boyfriend."

No, apparently it's all some kind of RACIST CONSPIRACY. Hmmm, who EXACTLY is playing the RACE card, then?

In court, Ms Grell claimed that SHE was the victim… leading the prosecution barrister to label her a "fantasist".


And speaking of dangerous fantasists, Mr Ken continued to talk nonsense in support of his chum Sir Clone, claiming that there was a "Cynical campaign" against him.

The Cynics, founded by a pupil of Socrates, believed in leading a life of self-sufficiency and virtue, achieved by eschewing the false influences of wealth, fame or power. They reached the height of their influence in Roman times when their philosophy was honed down to responsibility and willpower.

Hmm, yes, they DO sound like the sort of people who would find Sir Clone's love of power without responsibility UTTERLY REPELLENT. On the other fluffy foot, I can't see them hanging around for two-thousand year JUST to campaign against HIM! Perhaps Mr Ken is thinking of someone else.

"Al-Qaeda must be laughing at us while we busy ourselves pillorying the police who keep us safe," said Mr Ken.

Well, no actually Mr Ken I suspect Al-Qaeda were laughing at us when the police started killing innocent Londoners for them.

If I believed for ONE SECOND Mr Ken's LUDICROUS claim that ONLY Sir Ian is competent to lead the Met then it would surely ON ITS OWN be a reason for Mr Ken himself to RESIGN IN SHAME for overseeing a police force composed of such incompetents.

I do NOT believe it! I think that there are MANY brave and capable people in the police and Mr Ken is NOT FIT to serve as Mayor if he is going to diss their talents like this!

It is about time that someone challenged the Labour in their complacency and arrogance.

PS:

One person who IS calling the Labour to account – in a small way – is Liberal Democrat Mr David "I am the" Laws. (We met him yesterday while on our way to see Mr Huhney-Monster!)

Mr David had CAUGHT OUT the Prime Monster. Mr Frown was giving a speech on education last week, and his office contacted the local paper in Yeovil, Mr David's constituency, to say that a local school would be mentioned – with quote from the speech – and they might like to give Mr Frown some jolly nice free publicity please.

Except, when he gave the speech – gasp – no mention of the school.

And then Mr David checked around and GUESS WHAT… several OTHER local papers in different constituencies had ALSO received a note from the Prime Monster's office, ALSO telling them that a local school would be mentioned, and ALSO giving the same quote. Only the names were changed to protect the GUILTY LABOUR SECRET STALINS in Number Ten.

It is so difficult to hold the Government to account when they have NO REGARD for the TRUTH.

But we said very well done to Mr David for at least catching them this time.

Day 2366: And the Winner Is…

Sunday:


Well, Mr Frown, obviously.

But much MORE interesting – well, interesting if you are a number anorak like Daddy Richard – are the results for the DEPUTY leader. Or as BBC3's news in 60 Seconds put it: Mr Frown gets to be Top Dog, but who gets to be Deputy Dawg?

Handily, someone has put the full results on the Wikipedia (thank you to Mr James for spotting this) and they make interesting reading (with the same caveat as above).


What is clear is that Mrs Harpic didn't just win in the LAST round – no, in fact she was a CLEAR winner in EVERY round… among the MEMBERS of the Labour. But she LOST in BOTH of the other categories EVERY TIME too!

Equally clear is that Mr Postman Pat, far from having the union vote all tied up as everyone supposed, was actually kept in the competition because he won the MPs and MEPs college EVERY TIME.

In fact, the Unions voted EVERY TIME for Mr Never Heard of Him from the Backbenches, only switching to Mr Pat in the final round when Mr Whoever He Was had been knocked out and taken away for interrogation tea and cakes by Mr Frown's SECRET STALIN secret police.

Now, you MIGHT say that there is a bit of a case for Union members to have a say in the Labour's leadership election. All right, SECRET STALIN fixed that, but you might say that they should have a say in the DEPUTY election, because they pay their money. Of course, under the present system there's no limit to how MANY Unions they can join so if they feel like it they can have SEVERAL says, which is kind of not right. Less one member one-third of a vote; more one member, how many votes would sir like to buy?

But the really OUTRAGEOUS thing is giving the MPs and MEPs SUPER-VOTES: there are three-hundred and fifty-one Labour Members of Parliament and nineteen Labour European Parliament Members, three-hundred and seventy in total; meanwhile, the Labour have around about a hundred-and-eighty-thousand members.

So an MP's vote is worth 487-and-a-half members. (That is a third divided by 370 over a third divided by 180,000… PLUS an extra one because the MP can vote AS a member AS WELL!)

This seems VERY UNFAIR – especially when the MPs can choose to LOCK OUT anyone they do not want to stand anyway… as a certain Secret Stalin managed to organise in the Leadership ballot.

Oh the WHOLE, it would be a lot fairer or at least a whole lot less peculiar if they just gave ONE EQUAL vote to every member and, if they want to, ONE to everyone who was signed up to a union too.

So the good news is – if you are Mrs Harpic – that you LOOK like you GENUINELY deserved to win, rather than having it fixed for you by Union Barons (or "My Husband", as Mrs Harpic calls one of them) or by Secret Stalins in Parliament.

Or so it would SEEM, except that we cannot REALLY know for sure, because in round THREE Mr Benny Hill was eliminated even though he actually came SECOND in the members' vote.

If Mr Don't Know Him Now and Never Will had been eliminated at that stage for coming last among the members, then who knows how his vote might have split up among Mr Benny and Mrs Harpic and Mr Pat? It might have been Mr Postman Pat eliminated at the fourth round and then Mr Benny and Mrs Harpic could have gone head to head!

Would a Blaiocratic stuffed effigy passing themselves off as the true inheritor of the Labour tradition have won in that contest? Who can possibly know?!


Never mind, Mr Benny, you can console yourself with the fact that you will probably keep your job in the Cabinet, maybe even get a promotion, while Mr Frown has acted quickly to say that the elected deputy leader can be Party Chair. Amid the huge applause for this decision, how many – I wonder – realised that what he was actually saying was "the elected Deputy will NOT be Deputy Prime Monster"?

I doubt that Mrs Harpic was expecting her promotion to Party Chair to mean she was being SAT ON!

Of course, if Mr Frown was a REAL Secret Stalin, he would IMMEDIATELY replace Mrs Harpic with a STEPFORD Harpic who would say she never said the government should apologise for Invading Iraq. Oh…

Day 2333: Freedom from Flip-Flops

Tuesday:


Guess what! It turns out that MP’s voting for the Secrecy of Information Bill last week was about as popular as a BUCKET OF COLD SICK, and much is the OPPROBRIUM that has been heaped upon them for doing so.

Well, being like a bucket of cold sick is NOT what Mr Balloon wants. Well, not since his Bullingdon daze days anyway. So he’s decided he wants to be against changing the Freedom of Information Act after all.

As it happens, the author of this pathetically SELF-SERVING bit of legislation, Mr David MacLean’s-Toothpaste, has found himself in the SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING position of having to explain why he wants to make MP’s expenses secret at the same time as buying himself a £3,300 quad bike on, er, his MP’s expenses.

Of course, the Daily Hate Mail were rather less, er, kind in their breaking of the story.

Still, that sort of thing is surely not going to influence Mr Balloon – or “Shameless Dave”, as they now appear to be calling him over at Hate Mail Towers.

Mr Balloon is USED to that sort of thing by now. In fact, sending the Conservatory Right into a tizzy is one of his best ways of pretending that he isn’t one of them! Mind you, this week he is posing as “Mr EGALITARIAN ANTI-ELITIST EDUCATIONALIST… FROM ETON” rather than “Mr I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE ANTI-DEMOCRATIC EEJIT… FROM ETON”.

So apparently, rather than doing anything useful like telling Mr Toothpaste to stop mucking about or even turning up in the House of Commons to vote on the issue, Mr Balloon is going to ask very nicely if the House of Lords Club will please pull his ballots out of the fire save democracy for him.

Well, roll my button eyes!

But you know what I say? Get the Flip-Flopper while he’s on OUR side!

Meanwhile, Mr Frown has now ALSO jumped on the bandwagon promised that this tiny slip up over Freedom of Information will be “corrected”.

Look out Mr Toothpaste, SECRET STALIN Mr Frown is on the case – you’ll be off to the House of Commons “correctional institute” before you know it. What a pity someone EXEMPTED the House of Commons from Freedom of Information – no one will EVER find you!

Day 2329: Freedom From Freedom Redux!

Friday:


Day TWO in the job and Mr Frown is RAPIDLY developing a reputation as the GREAT PRETENDER! PRETENDING to be in favour of something in public while PULLING SECRET STRINGS behind our backs to make sure that they are blocked, undermined and STOMPED ON!

Challenged by Sir Mr the Merciless to put a stop to the SINISTER Conservatory moves to UNDERMINE Freedom, Mr Frown has REFUSED, saying… no, I'm wrong, HAVING A SPOKESPERSON SAY FOR HIM(!):

"If MPs have voted this measure through then that is a matter for them."

Are you not an MP then, Mr Frown? Has power gone to your head so VERY quickly?!

First it was the leadership election!

Public Pretender Mr Frown: "Oh, I… uhh… would be perfectly happy… uhh… to face a contest."

SECRET STALIN Mr Frown: "Trevor, I want that… uhh… backbencher… uhh… eliminated!"

Now it is the Freedom of Information Act!

Public Pretender Mr Frown: "I want to see… uhh… more openness and… uhh… restore trust to… uhh… our democracy."

SECRET STALIN Mr Frown: "Okay, let's… uhh… round up the boys and… uhh… put a stop to all this… uhh… 'freedom' nonsense!"

The Bill was proposed by Conservatory backbencher Mr David Maclean’s-Toothpaste. His THIN VENEER of an excuse for hanging this monstrous bill around the neck of Parliament was the idea that somehow the Freedom of Information Act might be used to obtain an MP’s confidential correspondence. And not just his EXPENSES BILL.

And yet time and again Liberal Democrat superhero Mr Norman the Baker, with the help of interventions from Mr Power Cable and several other Liberal Democrats, demonstrated that such a risk does not exist! Not only are there EXTENSIVE exemptions in the ALREADY week and watery Act itself, but further protection is provided by the Data Protection Act from 1998. And if that isn’t enough for you, then you can have the belt and braces of the Data Protection (Processing of Sensitive Personal Data) (Elected Representatives) Order 2002.

The CRUX of Mr Toothpaste’s argument was that even with all these protections, some ignorant official might “inadvertently, by accident or design” release some confidence to the public.

Mr the Baker and Mr Hugs and many others pointed out how LUDICROUS this was! If they might release it BY MISTAKE today, how is passing ANOTHER bit of legislation going to stop them doing it BY MISTAKE tomorrow? Add to this the observation of Mr David Heath that IF this is such a problem, WHY have no cases been referred to the Information Commissioner?

Which reminds me, apparently Mr Frown’s chief scarecrow, Mr Man O’Straw had to apologise to the Information Commissioner in the House for, er, slightly fibbing about him having caused this whole problem by ALLOWING such a letter to be released under Freedom of Information. No such thing has ever happened!

And speaking of things that never happen: apparently the story that the Labour were putting around went like this: suppose that an MP in Scotland gets a letter from a constituent; they write to the local council that is (shocked mittens) no longer controlled by the Labour! Then someone on the council tips off a Scots Nasty MSP! Then the MSP uses Freedom of Information legislation to get hold of the original letter so that they can reply to the constituent before the Labour MP can!

Quite WHY anyone would engage in such a POTTY conspiracy ESCAPES ME – but besides, SCOTTISH MSPs have their OWN Freedom of Information Act and it is much better than the one the rest of us are lumbered with!

This was also the point of Ms Jo Swinson who pointed out how completely BONKERS it will be for her correspondence with Scottish public bodies will be covered by Freedom of Information, but writing to – say – the Department of Worthless Pensions (Whitehall Branch) will be exempt.

It is a recipe for CHAOS! In the muddle MORE things are likely to get released “inadvertently, by accident or design”!

Mr Toothpaste himself only spoke the once, and only took interventions from his friends, pointedly turning down Liberal Democrats but taking every opportunity to cast aspersions.

This exchange…

Ms Jo Swinson: “Will the right hon. Gentleman give way?”

Mr David Toothpaste: “No, the hon. Lady has been HARPING ON a little too much this morning.”

…is merely one of the more EGREGIOUS!

He finally goes completely into one:

Mr David Toothpaste: “The Liberal Democrats clearly intend to talk at length today. I intend to sit down in a moment and give them more opportunity to justify their position. If the whole Liberal Democrat party is opposed to this Bill, as its new leader is, it is a little late in the day making its opposition known…”

Oh well why even BOTHER having Parliament DEBATE things? Having slyly slipped it under the radar with a bit of a nod-and-a-wink from the government whips, did he REALLY just expect his Bill to go through on the nod?

You would almost think that no one else was AGAINST this nasty little measure, the way he was ignoring the fact that he was ALSO facing senior opposition from HIS OWN party and from the Labour too. He was clearly on a CRUSADE against Liberalism!

If you do not believe that he had an ULTERIOR MOTIVE, ask yourself the question that MP for VULCAN Mr John Deadwood asked: if Mr Toothpaste was concerned about maintaining the privacy of MPs’ correspondence… why then did he vote AGAINST the amendment that would have limited the scope of his bill to MPs’ correspondence?

The government spent much of the day and several of their speeches in the House protesting that they remained NEUTRAL. I have poured SCORN on the logic of this position before, but the MOST PERTINENT question came from Liberal Democrat Mr David Howarth MP - daddy and I heard it on the PM programme: I think it was a clip from the debate…

"If the government is as they claim neutral, why is it that the majority of members voting in the Aye lobby were government ministers, government whips or opposition whips?!"

Yes, that's right: OPPOSITION WHIPS too. Mr Balloon has been quick to renew his traditional UNHOLY ALLIANCE with the Labour and seal his NEW FRIENDSHIP with Mr Frown… with a SECRET KISS, no doubt!!!

But it is CLEAR where the REAL BLAME for this lies!

A total of seventy-eight Labour MPs supported the Conservatories' bill today. Seventy-eight! When Mr Toothpaste cold only gather EIGHTEEN of his own Conservatories to support his bill! SEVENTY-EIGHT! Including our own MP, the SHAMEFUL Mr Jim Fitzpatrick, aka ROBOT JIM! We were hardly surprised to see Mr Stephen "I'll Do Anything for a Pound" Pound in the Aye lobby, but the MP that daddy Alex stood against in Leyton and Wanstead, Mr Harry Cohen SHOULD KNOW BETTER! SEVENTY-BLEEPING-EIGHT! That is ONE in FIVE of the PLP – almost enough to nominate TWO DWEEBS to be Deputy Stalin!

Voting against the bill and FOR FREEDOM where nine Liberal Democrats, nine from the Labour, five Conservatories, Mr Hywel of the Welsh Nasty Party and Mr Gorgeous Pussycat Leotard.

The Liberal Democrats to be CONGRATULATED are:

Mr Norman the Baker,
Ms Lovely Burt,
Mr Tim Farron,
Ms Sandra Giddy,
Ms Julia Worth-her-weight-in-Goldsworthy
Dr Evan Elp Us Harris,
Mr David Howarth,
Mr Simon Hugs,
Ms Susan Kramer vs Kramer

Also, Ms Jo Swinson and Mr Alan Reid who were doing the counting up.

Honourable mentions too to Mr Lemming Icepick and Dr Power Cable who were present during at least some of the debate.

We managed to field a whole 20% of our Parliamentarians there, but at least every one of them voted the right way!

(And the REST of you can go and HANG YOUR HEADS!)

"This is a DAY OF SHAME!" said the Liberal Democrat’s Mr David Heath.

And he is RIGHT!