...a blog by Richard Flowers

Friday, July 06, 2007

Day 2376: Ex-ex-gay


Listening to the The Today Programme before seven, my Daddy Richard caught an article about another of those WACKY Christian groups that claim that they can cure you of being a gay daddy.

They claim that being a gay daddy is not something that happens to you by nature, but a CHOICE.

What I want to know is: and that makes it a bad thing, why? And more importantly, that makes it ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, why?

(Of course "business" might be the whole point – not that I am thinking about the Silver Ring Thing Kerching Limited
at all – but, after all, these groups can CHARGE you to cure you of the thing that is making you UNHAPPY. Mind you, when the thing that is ACTUALLY making you unhappy is a bunch of evangelistas whining on at you, you might find that a RESTRAINING ORDER is a more effective cure.)

This kind of group originally comes from America – oh, do not even PRETEND to be SURPRISED! – where they operate under the UMBRELLA name of "Exodus". This just shows what BAD Christians they are – if they knew their Bible properly, they would be called LEVITICUS!

Anyway, some of the gay daddies and mummies who have been given the brainwashing treatment and worked out that it had not worked were meeting last weekend at the "Ex-gay Survivors Conference" in California.

Among these self-styled ex-ex-gays were several of the ORIGINAL LEADERS of the Christian Exodus "Ex-gay" programme. And here are some video interviews where they talk about their experiences.

It seems to me – although I AM only a fluffy toy – that being a gay daddy is about emotions and hormones and glands and yucky stuff like that that you do not really have much CONSCIOUS choice over. Whereas being an interfering busy-body is about reading a four-thousand year old story and deciding that you will ignore all of the modern scientific evidence that shows that most of the made up story was wildly wrong and CHOOSING to use that as a reason for sticking your oar into other people's lives and making them miserable.

So if it is a question of making BAAAAAAD choices…

After all, do they not also say that you cannot be a Christian unless you CHOOSE to accept the little baby Jesus?

But I do not think that being a gay daddy is like being a Christian. No, being a Gay Daddy is usually something that you are born with (some people say you get it from your mummy) but sometimes you can – with a lot of effort – convert. Sometimes gay daddies stop practicing and become lapsed. They talk in their own special type of language. Oh, and they are quite CAMP. Yes, it is like being JEWISH!

So I think that I have the SOLUTION: being a Gay Daddy should be declared to be a RELIGION.

This would have many advantages: ABBA records would become Tax Deductible; Mr Graham Norton could do Fart for the Day on the The Today Programme; Anne Atkins would spontaneously combust… There can even be different SECTS: those who worship THE MADONNA… and those who think she's gone really downhill since marrying Guy Ritchie!

But the BIGGEST advantage is that people who make the LIFESTYLE CHOICE to be BONKERS BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN would have to do what ALL THE PROPER Christians do and preach love and tolerance to ALL religions. Hooray!


If you feel you have experienced the WRATH OF GOD for reading this diary, please consult your local weather bureau and NOT the Church of England. Thank you.


If you were looking for eX eX eX Gay, you have come to the WRONG DIARY ENTIRELY!

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