Late at night, Daddy Richard consults the DIGITAL TV GUIDE.
"There's the ITV play on in a bit, something called 'the Mint'."
You can see the hope in his little eyes: ITV may be rubbish in the daytime, but now that it's after midnight they've commissioned a late night play to fill the small hours with a bit of class.
Daddy Alex groans.
"That's not the ITV Play," he says through gritted teeth, "that's ITV Play – one of those 0898 phone in quiz shows."
Daddy Richard, hopes dashed, buries his head in his hands…
See you all at CONFERENCE!