...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Day 2024: Heatwave


More GLOBAL WARMING news, and Britain basks in the summer sun.

Well, except those of us smart enough to go swimming!

It is so hot, all the STICKY BUNS have melted – I am DISTRAUGHT!

MELTDOWN is also affecting our chums Mr Balloon and Lord Blairimort this week, as it turns out that the Liberal Democrats are the only party not ACTUALLY bankrupt (*).

It must be SUNBURN because you wouldn't normally see either of THEM as REDs!

The Conservatories have an enormous DEFICIT – that is they OWE more money than they can afford to repay. This is what is technically called BANKRUPT. And is what the Conservatories call VERY BAD when it is anybody else who can't pay their dues.

I have heard some Conservatories make the excuse that they could sell their HOUSE at 32 Smith Square and pay back their debts, but I have looked at their accounts and this is NOT TRUE.

Their house is valued at TEN million pounds, but the Conservatories owe loans of TWENTY million pounds.

And anyway, they CANNOT just sell the house because they have used is as SECURITY for their bank overdraft. This is a sort of PROMISE that the bank gets first dibs on the sale of the house. And not the sort of PROMISE that Mr Balloon makes which he tries to WIGGLE OUT OF either – they would have to repay the bank and another loan first before they would be allowed to sell it.

They are ALSO spending LOTS more than they have earned – in fact they DOUBLED their DEBT from THIRTEEN million pounds at the end of 2004 to TWENTY-SIX million pounds by the end of 2005.

That is what Mr Boy George Osbourne normally calls an awfully big BLACK HOLE.

I have noticed that not only did they spend more than they earned by FIFTEEN million pounds in 2005, the general election year, but they ALSO overspent by FIVE million pounds in the year before as well. Oh, and they overspent by THREE million in the year before that AS WELL!

I think we see the development of TREND, readers.

Are we REALLY sure that the Conservatories have learned how to control money? It seems to me that they are not a "tax and spend" party so much as a "spend and spend" party.

Or a "spend and spend and spend and spend and spend and spend and spend party", even!

Do not think that Lord Blairimort's New Labour are any better at keeping their EXCESSES in check, though!

The party of PRUDENT Chancellor, Mr Frown, currently owes almost THIRTY MILLION POUNDS to repay WITHIN THE YEAR, and only assets of less than FIVE million to cover their rather huge TAB.

Assuming he is not arrested first, Lord Blairimort might yet find himself facing a visit from the BAILIFFS!

Just like the Conservatories, they spent FOURTEEN million pounds more than they received in the general election year AND they overspent in the previous year to the tune of THREE million quid (though UNLIKE the Conservatories at least they did not overspend in 2003, even if they did BLOW the lot a year later – before going for, pardon me, BROKE in 2005!)

Compare this with the PENNYWISE Liberal Democrats: although they spent quarter-of-a-million pounds more than they received in 2005 because of the election, they had wisely put aside a HALF a million pounds the year before to cover this.

Also, the Liberal Democrats have enough money to repay the people that they owe.

Gentle reader, before you put the nation's finances into someone's hands, would you not rather CHECK OUT how they spend their OWN cash? Or – in the case of Mr Balloon and Lord Blairimort – the bank's cash?

I do not think that they should be ALLOWED to be so bankrupt. It seems very strange that the two parties that got most seats did it by taking other people's money and spending it like it was going out of fashion – it is almost as though they were just BUYING the ELECTION. And worse, doing it on the NEVER-NEVER!

That cannot be right, can it?

(*) Okay, in the interest of fairness, The Green Party is not bankrupt either.

(Though they have so few assets, I strongly advise them against taking Mr Balloon out to the shops for an afternoon!)

However, Plaid Cymru owes more than it owns (unless they sell off all their DESKS and TELEPHONES!) and the SNP are also in DEEP hock. They are less INDEPENDENCE parties and more DEPENDENTS on their banks.

Incidentally, the heat also seems to have affected my DIARY!

Does anybody know how to fix it so that my sidebar does not go sliding down to the very bottom like melted cheese?


Will said...

Looks like the cause might be the exuberant exclamation marks in the post about the West Wing panel game. The line isn't breaking because it's treating the exclamation marks as a word, and as a result the main column has become slightly too wide.

Millennium Dome said...

Thank you, Mr Will - you are VERY clever, and have fixed my diary.


MM xx