Stormtroopers, it would seem, are IN.
At the High Court in London, the Jedi Master of Lucasfilm, Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi (George "don't do that" Lucas), defends his right to use SITH LIGHTNING against anyone who tries cashing in on his multi-billion dollar merchandising EMPIRE.
Meanwhile, in London, Paris, San Francisco and worldwide, the People's Liberation
– have been manfully keeping alight the Torch of Freedom by, er, oppressing anyone who tries to get close to it.
The Olympic Committee are said to be considering doing away with the FORMAL SPECTACLE of the host country being forced to take it on the chin from all the people round the would that they've really p… bad-worded off.
I think that ending this ritual humiliation would be a SHAME, as it would deprive everyone of the chance to give Great Britain the reception we would deserve if we do not shape up our act. And anyway, SELF-FLAGELLATION is an Olympic event we'd be really GOOD at!
On the other fluffy foot, Mr Balloon thinks that we'd be world class at DITHERING – at least if Mr Frown were to put himself forward as a competitor.
(Mr Balloon is TOO MODEST: he and Master Gideon show great promise for the two by shall-we-shan't-we-privatise-the-Northern-Rock relay.)
Of course Mr Balloon is only trying to catch up with everybody else who has ALREADY said Mr Frown should not go to the opening of the Olympics in China.
Mr Clogg LED THE WAY, calling for a boycott last week.
Then Ms Hillary-Billary urged a boycott of the opening ceremony.
And so did Senator Barry O.
Finally, Mr Frown finked out of showing up.
BUT… he went and ruined any POSITIVE MESSAGE that he might have sent to the Chinese government, or to the rest of the world, by claiming that he had NEVER been going and confusing pretty much everyone.
"This is not a boycott," claimed No. 10, "we're just not going."
In his letter to Mr Frown, Mr Clogg reminded the Prime Monster that the Chinese PROMISED to improve their human rights record before the Beijing Olympics, a promise that they have NOT kept:
"Recent events in Tibet, broken promises over media freedoms, ongoing human rights abuses and intransigence over the humanitarian catastrophe in Darfur demand a response."
"Serious concerns cannot be swept under the carpet for the sake of ceremonial duties. Unless and until China takes steps to honour the spirit of the Olympics, as laid out in the Olympic Charter, I do not believe that the British Prime Monster can attend the Beijing Games in good conscience."
Mr Frown has completely missed the point by saying he won't be there for the opening – he's STILL lending his support to the brutality of the Chinese regime when he turns up to ceremonially collect the official Zippo torch-lighter and keys to the Olympic shed.
Rather than taking the opportunity to stand up for Freedom and Human Rights alongside the other leaders of the world, Mr Frown has managed to make us look small and stupid and wasted another chance to help the people of Tibet.
"Too often Gordon Frown does the right thing under pressure, rather than out of conviction," commented Mr Clogg.
It is just SILLY to think that there is no POLITICS in SPORT. If that were true why would there even BE bidding for the Olympics?
To quote the Olympic Charter:
"Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles."
What could be MORE political than "universal fundamental ethical principles"?
The Chinese promise to clean up their Human Rights record was a POLITICAL STATEMENT too, and every response to them breaking that promise – protesting against it OR saying it's not your business, doing nothing and letting them get away with it (and yes, I DO mean the athletes as well as Mr Frown) – that is a POLITICAL response.
I fully understand that for many people this may be their only chance to take part in the Olympic Games and that it could be a very difficult choice to decide between your personal ambition to take part or the nebulous and probably unachievable goal of supporting Human Rights for people you've never met.
But at least our athletes – and Prime Monster – live in a country that LETS them make the choice for themselves.
Now, the question is, will Mr Frown's new CEREMONIAL BLACK ARMOUR for the closing ceremony get him SUED by Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi?