...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Day 2654: Brian Begins


Mr Brian has launched his campaign to be London's next Mayor, pledging a Contract with Londoners and springing into action with CSI Liberal Democrat.

He then clashed with the other candidates, the Labour's Mr Mayor Ken and Mr Balloon's bumbling bounder, Suicide Boris, on Newsnight.

Boris (Tessa Jowell isn't going to ban ME from calling him that!) had earlier been broadcasting in black and white to disguise his florid appearance emphasise his gravitas and seriousness. He was very serious. Very serious INDEED.

UNFORTUNATELY, Newsnight then proved that he DIDN'T KNOW the costings of his own centrepiece Bendy Bus policy.

(Hat tip: Dr Pax)

It is a shame that too few people watched this IMPLOSION for it to make a significant difference. Boris seems somehow able to ride out GAFFES like this, or like bragging that his house was worth SHEDLOADS to the SHELTER/CRISIS Hustings, or admitting to snorting cocaine to Janet Street-Pothead.

HOW are London's police supposed to reduce the drug crime (and associated knife and gun crime) that make people fear their own streets when the Conservatory candidate for Mayor thinks that Class A drugs are just something he "got away with"?

The fact that this CRIMINAL vacuum in rumpled suit and hair might end up being elected Mayor of London fills me with TERROR!

Equally, his inability to answer the question clearly filled Mr Paxo with fury, as Ms Featherweight reports.

Mr Ken was, understandably, trying to play up his SUCCESSES of the last eight years: like the way he has successfully slipped out of his promise only to stand twice, or succeeded in raising the Congestion Charge after promising not to. Er. He made another promise, to resign if he raised the C-Charge on smaller cars… you can decide for yourself what that's worth given his (stuck) record.

Of course, he was also keen to stress that anything that has gone wrong will be somebody else's problem. Problems on the tube… not him guv, don't you know he opposed PPP? Crime on the streets… can't blame Mr Ken, don't you know the Labour have solved all known crimes (so they've had to invent a load of new ones!)?

He's very good at his: "I'm a perfectly reasonable guy, honest as the day is long, no you can't ask me about the stolen money, that sort of thing happens all the time you can't expect ME to know how every penny is spent, can you?" shtick. He never answers the question, but he doesn't have to because Suicide Boris reliably goes into one of his "I yi yi yi yi've never been so, oh oh oh, goodness corks!" blusters and Mr Ken can just keep protesting innocence and no one hears that neither of them are saying ANYTHING.

A case in point was when Mr Brian as trying to press Mr Ken on the deadly bendy buses. One of Ken's minions had, apparently, threatened to cut off police funding if they investigated a death by bendy bus; Mr Ken whined on that the victim was three times over the legal limit. Yes, but he's still DEAD Mr Ken, and the police OUGHT to be able to investigate without your HEAVIES threatening them! Boris, though, just starts Oompah-pah-oompah-pah-ing about the buses and Mr Paxo let's Mr Ken get away with another non-answer.

If Mr Brian has a PROBLEM in this debate, in fact in this entire campaign, it is trying to get a word in edgeways. When he can get a chance to speak, it is clear that he KNOWS HIS STUFF, and is on top of his brief – on transport, for example, he had a clear message about trams as opposed to Boris's daydream of a new Routemaster, and a plan that would cost no more (over ten years) than the Labour's Mr Ken wants to spend on buses. Or on crime, where he's got the experience and the ideas and knows that what we need is to reconnect the local police with the people that they serve, to rebuild the trust so that we can cut crime TOGETHER.

Obviously he is TOO POLITE to use his police training to render Ken and Boris unconscious, but…

1 comment:

Knife and Spoon said...

I had hoped that Johnson standing for election would be an instant disqualification for the Conservative Party. The idea of having somebody so vapid and so cynical (ie manipulative "oh my giddy aunt" shtick) in any position of power makes me feel very depressed. And anyway, if anybody round and fluffy should be in the Mayoral seat it should be little Millennium!

Unfortunately Johnson seems to have somehow made his celebrity work overtime for him. Paddick seems to suffer the constant Lib Dem curse of being slightly invisible. My Mum doesn't trust Ken and can't take Boris seriously, but her reaction to Brian was more vague. "There's just something about him that's not right..."

Sorry business.