...a blog by Richard Flowers

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Day 2440: Liberal Democrats Are Not Losers


Let's start with BIG HUGS for Mr Tom Papworth who is now Mr Councillor Tom!

After almost a hundred years of coming third in a race with no bronze medals, you can rest assured that Liberals and Liberal Democrats are well used to not making it to the podium, and doing it with DIGNITY.

Conservatories may throw their toys out of the pram when they lose; the Labour may go off in protracted sulks. But TRUE LIBERALS know that if we haven't won then it is the voters' way of saying we need to try harder. And that is why we DO try harder.

Take the Liberal Democrat Diary of the Year competition.

Last year I was NOT VERY GROWN UP AT ALL and got VERY cross-patchy when I lost out to Mr Deputy Lord Stephen, Mayor of A Liberal Goes to Washington. Er, or something. That was BAD of me!

My only excuse is that I WAS only six [R: or even five] AND I was up very late for a small elephant. But Daddy made me go and shake Mr Stephen's hand with my fluffy foot and we became PROPER FRIENDS again.

This year, Mr Deputy Lord Stephen is OUT OF THE RUNNING! Ho ho ho! All of his pictures of KITTENS will not help him to win again, oh no! This means that I have a VERY GOOD CHANCE of coming second to SOMEBODY ELSE this year! Hooray!

So let me say a VERY BIG thank you to all of the people who have Hey Nonny Nonimated my VERY FLUFFY DIARY as Liberal Democrat Diary of the Year for the SECOND YEAR RUNNING. I am IMPOSSIBLY grateful for your support and it makes my fluffy insides swell up with pride. Thank you!

It is a GREAT PRIVILEGE even to be read and liked by Liberal Democrats. I know that, unlike a lot of people, I did not manage to get ANY posts into the top one-hundred most-read diary entries on the Lib Dem Blogregator [mumbles: even if someone DID get to no. 49 for just saying they had READ my fluffy diary!], but I am always encouraged when I see those numbers-in-boxes that say that SOMEONE is reading what I have to say. "50th most popular outgoing link" is STILL a badge of HONOUR!

Here are the people who have been nonimated:


Some other folk

[R: you're supposed to be being nice]

Oh yes… okay:

Mr James

Mr Paul

And Mr Lord Jonathan of Bonkers

(There is a FUNNY STORY about that, actually – strangely, many of last year's finalists have MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED: Mr Lord Deputy Stephen has been elevated; the Apollo Project was lost on the dark side of the moon; and Mr Andy Mayer was last seen in a balloon floating away over BERKELEY SQUARE. Fortunately for Mr Lord Bonkers, he happened to be herding a small troupe of Mr Balloon's National Service Corps of Volunteer Orphans home to the Bonkers Sanatorium for Wayward Children when the poor mites tumbled into an enormous elephant unidentified-large-animal trap that someone had dug on his Rutland estate! WHO could have dug such a large hole? Without the timely warning of their pitiful cries, Lord B himself might have taken a tumble! Anyway, nobody found out about the orphans and the unidentified-large-animal trap because it was all covered up. Using a bulldozer.)


Is it not a TRIBUTE to the VARIETY of voices that you hear in the Liberal Democrats, that there is such a wide range to choose from? Mr James with his big bold anti-establishment rants; Mr Paul with his quickfire coverage of everything; Mr Lord Bonkers with his pithy asides and Daddy who is just REASSURINGLY EXTENSIVE™.

There are no limits to how much or little, long or short you can contribute to make a difference to the Liberal Democrats. And quite right too.

They have even had to introduce several more categories this year, because it's just TOO HARD to decide it all for one award.

The other categories this year are: Best New Diary, Best Designed Diary, Best Diary by an Elected Liberal Democrat, Best Single Diary Entry and Best GIGGLE!

(Sadly, the contest for "Best Diary for Kissing Up to Mr Dale Winton" has been CANCELLED for lack of time. I am sure we would ALL have been very interested in the nonimations for that one.)

I have therefore decided to start a NEW diary on the first of October to be called: "The Brand New Hilarious Guide to Designing a Better Dale Winton by Millennium Elephant, elected Mayor of My Sofa."

I think I might stand a chance of getting into the Best Single Diary Entry category with that, don't you?

Meanwhile, I have heard that Mr Rob – who is up for Best Design – says that he does not want to win because he did not design his "Posh Sounding Northumbrian" diary. But I remember that he DID design the Liberal Democrat Voice. And that is worthy of a PRIZE all by itself!

And I think that it is a BIG SHAME that Mr Mark Pax was not nonimated for his VERY EXCELLENT detective work during the Ealing Southall by-election. He WOULD have been on the shortlist, but his nonimations were being kept by a Mr Grant Mishapps… who has FORGOTTEN the password for his Internet account. Apparently.

But really, we are ALL winners. We are winners because there are so many different and excellent Liberal voices to hear, on all subjects and from all angles.

As Sir Mr the Merciless would no doubt say if this was Are You Being Served (by your elected Councillors): "You've All Done VERY Well!"


Never say this in REAL LIFE, Sir Mr the Merciless. I think we both know why!