...a blog by Richard Flowers

Friday, June 15, 2007

Day 2355: Frown Study aka Go Go GO Gordon!


If there have been mistakes, it is usually where we have…NOT…listened to the Liberal Party.

Fixed that for you there, Mr Frown.

He was in the House of Commons, trying to do a PUT DOWN to Mr Power Cable, but CLEARLY the Gord-zilla had FORGOTTEN that the entirety of his success, the economic stability of the last ten years, is based on his decision in 1997 to do LIBERAL DEMOCRAT policy and make the Bank of England independent.

Anyway, there is one of those MEME things doing the rounds like the SUMMER FLU: Mr Councillor Stephen, Mr Chris and Mr Duncan have all had a go, but it was Mr James who skipped up to me and said “TIG – YOU’RE IT!

Two things he should be proud of:

#1 being Scottish. At the very least this will stop his NAUSEATING attempts to convince us that he ISN’T. We are all very GLAD that he is proud to be British. (It would be even better if he was a proud European too!) But why does he have to PANDER to MR Balloon’s English Nasty Party agenda by seeming to DENY his heritage. Isn’t one of the BRILLIANT things about being British that we can be British AND Asian, or British AND Cornish or British AND Scouse or British AND a gay daddy or even, yes, British AND Scottish without there being ANY contradiction!

#2 looking out for his family. Irksome as it may be for other taxpayers to see him introduce a Baby Bond when he has a baby and Child Tax Credit when the baby becomes a child (soon no doubt to be followed by Teenager Capital Allowance and Free Student Grant… er, hang on), you cannot deny that he does whatever he can for his kiddies.

Two things he should apologise for:

#1 the war in Iraq

#2 the war in Iraq

Now, daddy says that that is actually the SAME THING TWICE, but I think it is such a BIG thing that it was worth repeating.

Oh, all right, I will do it properly

#1 The fact that his ludicrously over-complicated system of tax credits and benefits means that the poorest now cough up a HIGHER percentage of the tax take and receive a LOWER slice of the benefit cake than when he started. And that was BEFORE he arranged to give the better off a 2p tax cut paid for by a 10p tax rise for the lowest paid workers.

#2 the ENRON ACCOUNTING that means that the entire nation is now mortgaged to the hilt with off balance-sheet Private Finance deals

Two things he should do immediately on becoming Prime Monster:

#1 arrest Lord Blairimort. I recon he will have about three hours before Phoney Tony flees the country.

#2 call a general election. There is ABSOLUTELY NO constitutional reason that he should do this. But it would be a LAUGH.

Two things he should do while Prime Monster:

#1 spend a week working in TESCO and see if HE can support his family on that. For added VERISIMILITUDE he should receive a TAX DEMAND for OVERPAID Tax Credit of £100 billion on the Wednesday.

#2 it would be nice to think that he would address himself to the needs of genuinely poor people, rather than just trying to tip a few over the upper edge to make the poverty statistics look better...

...I suspect, though, that he may just have to settle for getting used to the fact that he's going to be the shortest serving Prime Monster since Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman.

(Look, I checked – Mr Neville Chamberlain served 1078 days from May 1937 to May 1940; but Mr Frown has AT MOST 1043 days from 27 June until he has to call an election on 5 May 2010.)

I will now use my BIG FLUFFY NOSE to bop Mr Jonny, Mr Marty, Mr Colin, Mr Theo, Mr Will, Mr Rob, Mr Andy, Mr Joe, Mr Charles Bullseye, Mr A Radical Writes, that Pink Dog and Mr Millipede!


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