This is the news that NOT-SO-Secret Stalin Mr Frown would like to have another go at abolishing the MAGNA CARTA.
Coming hard on the heels of Lord Blairimort's desire for more "stop and question if you're looking at me funny" powers for the police, now Mr Frown has weighed in.
You are not going to fool us by picking up sensible Liberal policies like admitting phone tap evidence when Civil Liberties campaigners warn that your plan amounts to INTERNMENT.
Apparently Mr Frown intends to "guarantee" our Civil Liberties by GETTING RID OF THEM!
MAGNA CARTA – coming up to the seven-hundred-and-ninety-second anniversary of if being signed[*] on 15 June – has been in the news again recently.
[*] okay, apparently
First, some NUMPTIES from the British Nasty Party have been boycotting the new Mayor of Sandwell because of the SOMEWHAT WRONG assumption that the document signed by NORMAN FRENCH monarch Mr King John bars FOREIGNERS from holding high office.
For the benefit of the British Nasty Party, here is a SIMPLE TEST to determine whether your ancestors were immigrants to the British Isles:
Q1: Are you a HUMAN BEING?
That is the end of the test.
If you answered mostly "YES" then YOUR ANCESTORS WERE IMMIGRANTS TO THE BRITISH ISLES!
Anyway… Magna Carta.
Now, Secretary of State for the Inquisition, Mr Ruth Kelly and Minister for Keeping Johnny Foreigner Out, Father Dick Byrne are calling for a "Happy Britain Day" Bank Holiday to celebrate the event.
This is because with 2 Bank Holidays in April for Easter and 2 Bank holidays in May it suddenly seems like a LONG TIME until the next Bank Holiday at the end of August. Like they would know, what with Parliament having more half-terms than a City McAcademy!
Actually, there is an even BIGGER gap between August and the Christmas Hols in December, so we REALLY need an extra holiday there too! Something at the end of October would break up these months quite nicely… so I suggest:
30th of October as MUFFIN THE MULE DAY
to celebrate the first television appearance of the famous fifties foal, and co-incidentally this also is the anniversary of Mr Orson Welles' INFAMOUS radio play production of the "War of the Worlds".
(might also be daddy Alex's birthday.)
Anyway… Magna Carta.
Generally thought to be the foundation of English Law and therefore all of the best laws in the world – in particular the Americans liked to think of their new Constitution as continuing the great tradition of Magna Carta – even though it was really more of an agreement by Mr King John to stick to the Charter of Liberties issued by his grandma's dad Mr King Henry the Oneth.
(In fact, Mr King Henry had much the same problem as Mr King John, namely he needed to keep the English Barons on side during a tricky war in France. His dad, William, and his brother, William (no relation… er, that's not right), had made a right royal pig's ear of running the country and – more importantly – running their own country at the same time and so Mr King Henry had to be nice and basically give the Barons back all the laws that they used to have before dad William, i.e. the Conqueror, er, conquered them all. But that's another story.)
Anyway, again… Magna Carta.
There may very well only be THREE or FOUR of its SIXTY clauses actually left in force, but a couple of those are QUITE IMPORTANT because they are HABEAS CORPUS which is LATIN for "We haven't KILLED him!"!
(39) No free man shall be seized or imprisoned, or stripped of his rights or possessions, or outlawed or exiled, or deprived of his standing in any other way, nor will we proceed with force against him, or send others to do so, except by the lawful judgement of his equals or by the law of the land.
(40) To no one will we sell, to no one deny or delay right or justice.
Which part of "NO DELAY" do you think it is that Mr Frown does not understand?
You would have THOUGHT that he would have had quite enough experience with Lord "I'm STILL Prime Monster for three weeks" Blairimort DENYING OR DELAYING RIGHT OR JUSTICE to know by now what a VERY BAD THING this is!