...a blog by Richard Flowers

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Day 2063: Is Perpetual Motion a Con?


Perpetual Motion is a scientific FANTASY, a dream like turning lead into gold*.

To keep moving FOREVER, a machine that would have to produce AS MUCH as or MORE energy than it consumes. Forever.

So that would be a LIMITLESS SUPPLY of FREE energy.

Think of it this way, since matter IS energy (that's what EINSTEIN says, anyway) then you could create something out of literally (and I MEAN literally literally) nothing.

Which is, unfortunately, IMPOSSIBLE.

So, in order to find out how he creates something out of nothing, we asked the inventor… MR BALLOON!

Mr Balloon explained:

"Look, I'VE changed MY mind, now it's up to you; it may be impossible but it works!"

It seems that the KEY to Mr Balloon's theory is to generate simultaneous POSITIVE and NEGATIVE stories on the LEFT and RIGHT.

So while Mr Balloon WARMS the soft-hearted left with his APOLOGY for a foreign policy that not only did he have nothing to do with (well it IS a foreign policy) but is also fifteen years out of date, his chum Mr Boy George Osbourne injects the hard right with a COLD-hearted tax cut plan.

The result of these opposing stories is SPIN!

Mr Balloon is hoping that he can create enough SPIN for his Conservatory Party to achieve TAKE OFF without visible means of support!

Of course, this sort of "power from nowhere" device was first pioneered by Lord Blairimort, so you can see why Mr Balloon is mimicking it.

The reason for Mr Balloon's trip to South Africa is obvious even to a fluffy toy like ME: he has blotted his copybook recently over foreign affairs by failing to take any kind of position over the War in Lebanon. So he wants to appear on the "world stage" and say something that SOUNDS impressive, and what could get more headlines than something that SOUNDS like it is a big U-Turn.

Not that this really IS a big U-turn: ask yourself how many world leaders would say "we're sorry we backed those sanctions, it's a real shame that the Apartheid regime fell isn't it, Mr Mandela? Mr Mandela? Please stop backing away, Mr Mandela!"

As usual, Mr Balloon's idea of BRAVERY involves picking a fight with people who have ALREADY LOST. This is actually quite clever, as it is unlikely that they will punch him in his flabby head.

Other things that Mr Balloon is likely to consider "apologising" for:

  • Conservatory support in 1845 for Protectionism under the Corn Laws, led by founder of modern Conservatoryism Mr Disraeli (and his spiteful spiking of the Irish Bill that brought down his own government).
  • Conservatory support in 1819 for the Peterloo Massacre, led by then Home Secretary Lord Sidmouth which they followed with the introduction of draconian crackdowns on civil liberties to prevent "radicals" from holding meetings and to control newspapers.
  • Conservatory support in the 1670's for the Divine Right of Kings (specifically, James the VII and II), led by Baron Jeffreys (yes, he is THE Judge Jeffreys) which ended up with King James, er, getting a bit out of hand and, er, having to be, er, removed a bit (not deposd, dear me no) to avoid a second Civil War.
Far be it for fluffy little me to suggest that Mr Balloon might want to try picking something a bit more UP TO DATE to take on his own party over, but aren't the main world issues facing a potential prime minister today actually: Middle East conflict; free movement of people in Europe; international environmental action; and America?

The Conservatory Party is pretty BACKWARDS in all of these areas; it should not be that hard to pick a fight! Mr Balloon seems to be MISSING an OPEN GOAL here.

On the other fluffy foot, the OBSESSION with things in the PAST makes Mr Balloon fairly typical of the Conservatories. Just look at all the fuss that they are trying to make about the PREVIOUS Liberal Democrat Leader – possibly because they cannot take on the CURRENT ONE!

As my Daddy Alex suggests, it is possible that this OBSESSION lies in a yearning for their GLORY DAYS, back when Mrs Thatcher could impose the POLL TAX on the country on a WHIM.

Mr Boy George's tax promise (version 94…) is, it is EQUALLY OBVIOUS, part of the same strategy: the promise of red meat for the right wing and the illusion of soft soap for the soft left. (Or VICE VERSA.)

Trying to cover his tracks by saying that it is to PROMOTE PENSIONS is a bit SEE-THROUGH even for Mr Boy George.

This is more like promoting SWIMMING by abolishing stamp duty on mansions that have their own SWIMMING POOL!

There are other and better ways to re-invigorate people's pension plans, but none that lubricate the wallets appeal to the principles of rich city types so well as the offer of a few bucks off the cost of their gambling trading. Mr Balloon, who comes from a family of rich city gamblers traders, no doubt had not thought of PERSONAL GAIN when his chum suggested this wheeze.

It would be interesting to know whether Mr Boy George will CUT service for the poor in order to pay for benefits for the rich. (Although any suggestion that Mr Boy George is behind THIS mystery disappearance would be TOTALLY inappropriate!)

Protectionism for the interests of a small rich minority; belief in the divine right of these kings of the stock market; massacring the well being of the common people. Maybe Mr Balloon really SHOULD be considering those apologies!

*Actually, you OUGHT to be able to turn lead (which is heavier) into gold by smashing some of the PROTONS and NEUTRONS off of the lead nucleus. Probably with some sort of LASER! It is a bit FIDDLY though. And your gold would probably be a bit RADIOACTIVE. Still, glow-in-the-dark gold might be FUN!

Alternatively you could make gold by fusing IRON atoms, but the energy involved is literally (and I MEAN literally literally again) astronomical: it usually only happens inside STARS when they go all EXPLODE-Y in a SUPER-NOVA.

Meanwhile this chap claims to have invented a REAL perpetual motion machine. It is based on magnets and apparently, the secret is all in the POSITIONING.

Perhaps he could give Mr Balloon a lesson or two!

1 comment:

Bridgford said...

"smashing some of the PROTONS and NEUTRONS off of the lead nucleus ... "

[the voices in my head ... ] "the 'of' is superfluous, Tabman jnr!"

Brilliant stuff as usual, M.E. - your victory in the Blog Cometition is assured and well deserved!

As a PS - I dined with Ms Levene t'other night. And got some interesting snippets on series 3 ...