...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Day 2618: Where's the Rush(ia)


President Count Vlad of Transylvania Russia has agreed to step aside constitutionally, and pass on his throne to his anointed successor, Mr Dmitry Mediocre.

Mr Mediocre has sworn to continue the Count's Mr Vlad's work even though election monitors have suggested that the former President's heavy hints that anyone who did not vote as they were told could expect to be on the next train to SIBERIA might have influenced the outcome just SLIGHTLY.

Meanwhile, the Count will retire to the office of Prime Monster for a quiet life of contemplation and controlling Mr Mediocre like a puppet… er…

Mr Mediocre is described as a modern pragmatic liberal. This means that he does exactly what Count Vlad tells him. Recruited by the Count in 2000 from St Petersburg (formerly Putingrad), his most widely known talent is as being "the one who makes the coffee" for Kremlin meetings.

He is said to be highly computer literate, claiming that he looks at the Internet TWICE a day... to see if anyone else in Russia will be allowed to read it.

The elections in Russia are a bit like those in Great Britain except no one is allowed to know about any of the other parties than the government. (In this country that only applies BETWEEN elections!) Apparently this is good for STABILITY. As is having most of the other candidates rounded up and arrested as traitors.

So, under the circumstances, we might as well be thankful that the election managed to be as contested as it was! The communists' candidate did surprisingly well, polling almost 18% and still breathing. Which you have to say is an achievement.

European observers – the few who were actually able to be there observing – described it as "not fair" and "a denial of the 'democratic potential' of the country's voters"… which is actually a lot BETTER than the report that everyone was expecting!

Democracy takes time, and it relies upon a sound economy and reliable laws before people are able to start exchanging ideas and challenging each other. When every day is a struggle to survive, letting Mr Strong take charge often seems a better choice than having to MAKE choices of your own.

And you have to be honest and say that a lot of Russian really DO like Count Vlad. His no nonsense approach of stripping to the waist and destroying all enemies of Mother Russia have won their hearts. Also, they're quite fond of his not getting drunk on cheap vodka and dancing on tanks while the rapacious American money men compete with the Mafia to make off with large chunks of the nation.

Funny people, the Russians.

1 comment:

Alasdair W said...

Very good points. Although the Communist getting 18% was apparently because people who wanted an effective vote against Medvedev, who we know definetly isn't a liberal. The liberal candidate got 1% of the vote, that's a sign of lack of democracy. Don't be fooled by the Liberal Democratic Party of Russia who got nearly 10% they're actually nationalists. I can't see that Medvedev will just let Putin pull all the strings, the President of Russia has a lot of power and unless he's basically a dumb pupet I can't see him letting Putin do everything. However how many people have seen Medvedev speak or do very much, Putin has been running the campaign, so maybe he is a dumb pupet. The press coverage has been constantly following Medvedev, so much that Russians being interviewed by the BBC didn't know anything about him, but liked him. Well at least our democracy is slightly better.