So, after his CORE-VOTE CONFERENCE, Mr Balloon is trying on his OTHER FACE again, and sniffing around Liberal voters.
"I think that the Conservatory Party under my leadership is a liberal Conservatory Party, will remain one and will campaign as one."
That would be the Conservatory Party that wants to cut taxes for DEAD MILLIONAIRES; increase global warming by building MORE AIRPORTS; SLASH BENEFITS for sick people; and declare war on EUROPE.
I think if I WANT Liberal Policies, Mr Balloon, I will vote for a party that has GOT Liberal Policies – the Liberal Democrats!
Mr Balloon's DOUBLE DEALING – on the one fluffy foot saying sweet nothings to the right, on the other fluffy foot, offering sweet… nothing to genuine liberals – is just another reason why you can't trust anything he says.
"Come and join us… to build a stronger country, get rid of a Labour government," is his siren song.
Well, if you REALLY want to get rid of the Labour, here is my CHALLENGE to you, Mr Balloon – will you stand down your candidates in the seats where a vote for the Conservatories is a vote to SUPPORT the Labour Government: the fifty seats where Liberal Democrats (not Conservatories) are second behind the Labour?
Exchanging seats between us and your Conservatories neither hurts nor helps the Labour, though it IS a big waste of your efforts, Mr Balloon, if you GENUINELY want MORE LIBERAL votes in parliament.
But actively campaigning to undermine Liberal Democrats who could reduce Mr Frown's majority – why Mr Balloon, if you do that surely you cannot be SERIOUS about wanting to change the government.
(And NO, merely exchanging your Old Etonian Bottoms on the Cabinet Chairs for those of Mr Frown and chums is NOT the same as actually CHANGING anything, not when all of your policies and all of their policies are decided by the same SAT NAV.)
Meanwhile, the Conservatories are also throwing their toys out of the pram over party funding.
They claim that the Labour have gone back on an agreement to negotiate about donations from the Unions. The Labour say that Union donations are REALLY just lots and lots of small individual donations added together. The Conservatories say that the proposed £50,000 limit on donations should apply to the whole Union.
(Though, of course, I would say: what about those Conservatory dinners where a hundred people pay a thousand pounds each to sit through three courses of rubber chicken and Mr Vague? Wouldn't that blow the £50,000 limit – and twice over? Oh, is that suddenly different, then?)
Mr "Buff" Hoon, former nobody in Lord Blairimort's cabinet, now demoted to forgotten nobody by Mr Frown, had sparked the row by wanting to put a stop to Conservatory Lord Ashcroft (famous for accepting a British peerage while simultaneously avoiding British taxes) running a £2 MILLION a year
Auntie Maude went on the radio to claim that Lord Ashcroft's squillions were just to "level the playing field".
Well, if you REALLY want a level playing field, here is my CHALLENGE to you, Auntie Maude – will you GUARANTEE that not one penny of Lord Ashcroft's money is being spent in Liberal Democrat constituencies, or admit that that was a big fat FIB.
A rather BETTER use of great wodges of dosh is the FIFTY MILLION LOTTERY WIN up for grabs by one of four charities.
I admit I am very tempted by the idea of planting lots of tree in [woosh, ker-thunk] Robin Hood Land (where did that ARROW come from?)
But my vote will probably go to improving access to the national network of cycle lanes.