...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Day 2876: Master Gideon Gaffes Again!


Young Master Gideon Oboe, the ESTEEMED* Shadow Chancellor has now become so SPECTACULARLY inept that he's managed to turn even "statin' the bleedin' obvious" into an OWN GOAL:

"Sterling Collapse! Run on the Pound, Yah Boo Sucks!"

he told the Times. Wise words, I think you'll agree.

But this simple statement, following the Pound's loss of a third of its value on the international money markets, that the British Currency MAY be in a spot of bother seems to have provoked YET MORE opprobrium for the gormless Gideon. Indeed the Labour now accuse HIM of causing the Sterling Crisis (as though the City would pay a blind bit of notice to anything the little squit had to say).

It’s come to a pretty pass when you are letting Chancellor Sooty (of all people!) come on the telly and say, more in sorrow than anger, “It’s really very SAD. Last month the Conservatories were talking about bipartisan approach to the crisis; now they’re attacking us. Last month Mr Balloon was in favour of greater borrowing; now he’s against it. It’s clear that they haven’t any plan at all.”

Now Master Oboe is sticking up for himself (more, noticeably, than his chum Mr Balloon is willing to do, these days) saying:

"It's my JOB to tell the TRUTH!"

This, of course, is a STARTLING departure from his USUAL position, and I for one look forward to him telling the truth about all those times when he and his Conservatory colleagues have EXAGGERATEDLY claimed that Britain has the largest debt in variously the World, the Western World, the Developed World or indeed any other formulation that they can that can come up with but still manage to include Americaland.

And speaking of the I.O.USofA, the wingnut fringe of the Conservatories are attacking Master Gideon from the other side, demanding he back tax cuts (which he is currently against… maybe they should just wait a month) and citing President Ray-Gun’s so-called VOODOO ECONOMICS. That’s the theory that cutting taxes can lead to greater revenues as the economy grows. The Newsnight Show’s Mr Michael Crick, doing his bit to show that he knows EVERY BIT as much about finance as Master Gideon himself, is quoting this and nodding sagely as though this is an interesting paradox, while Daddy Richard hurls things at the eejit’s smug face on the screen.

You see, there’s only one thing wrong with this theory: it turns out, after a decade of trying in the eighties, that IT DOESN’T WORK And after ANOTHER decade of trying in the noughties that IT STILL DOESN’T WORK, and it doesn’t work for the simple reason that it is UTTER UTTER BOL… cue Blackadder music…

Meanwhile, Master Gideon’s problem remains acute. Nothing he tries appears to work, so he keeps CHANGING what he’s trying. He doesn’t actually KNOW enough to comment sensibly, and now people doubt him so much that they have to go and check when he tells them what bears do in the woods. And now he has to face the fact that Mr Balloon is drafting Mr Oily Letwin to finish Gideon’s homework for him draw up some emergency tax plans.

At least everyone has forgotten about his CRAZY Fuel Tax Yoyo… what’s that you say, Dr Pax?

Still, with all these people calling for his head, that’s the LAST thing Mr Balloon can afford to give them!

*the Value of the Shadow Chancellor’s esteem may go down as well as up; your home may be at risk if you do not fix the roof while the sun is shining.

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