Wednesday:
We all know that Mr Dr Vince "the power" Cable (currently slightly shorted) is a fan of the humble BEE.
In fact, Mr Dr Vince is a BIT like a Honey Bee himself, isn't he: a big golden thing that bumbles around making nice things and pollinating British industry. Not to mention the special dance. And, like the honey bee, plagued by irritating mites that are spitting poison.
Yes, it's the Tell-lies-o-graph continuing its vendetta against the Liberal Democrats with SHOCK REVELATIONS that Mr Vince is AGAINST A MASSIVE VESTED INTEREST and that other Lib Dems OPPOSE SCRAPPING BENEFITS.
Tomorrow, presumably, they lead on the news that Captain Clegg met Mr the Pope earlier this year and believes him to be a Catholic!
(And as for what Mr Paul Burblings could tell you about what he knows about BEARS and WOODS, well, let's just hope the Sunday edition is sufficiently… absorbent!)
Auntie Caron has more on how Mr Dr Vince behaves like a GENTLEMAN and the Tell-lies-o-graph is doing real DAMAGE to politics; while Auntie Jennie has a more PITHY response to the British meeja's recent choices for setting the agenda.
But what I GENUINELY do not understand is why we are supposed to be in ANY WAY "embarrassed" about this.
If ANYONE should be "embarrassed" it should be the Tell-lies-o-graph for getting CAUGHT out in a COVER UP, when their coverage suspiciously failed to mention the whole "going to war" against the Tell-lies-o-graph's commercial rival Mr Roger Stavro Moredick.
And if anyone ELSE should be "embarrassed" it's Hard Labour for leaping to the defence of a foreign plutocrat who already has way too much power (and pays far too little tax) in this country. I mean, nice to see that Hard Labour as still on the side of the ordinary billionaire in the street, isn't it.
Look, can someone explain to me how Liberal Democrat ministers discussing their honestly held opinions is "indiscrete" when Mr Dale Winton gabbing on the The Today Programme about the texts he's received from Tory's whinging that "it's not fair" are NOT indiscrete?
Isn't it COMPLETELY BACKWARDS that it's fine to tittle-tattle to a notorious GOSSIP behind people's backs, but actually come out and SAY what you believe, oh, the horses are frightened now!
And to those Conservatories who are spitting and hissing that a Conservatory minister would have been fired for such "indiscretions": HELLO! Have you already forgotten the DEFENCE SECRETARY, "fantastic" Dr Fox, blatantly leaking and briefing against his own government during the highly sensitive defence review? Special treatment for Liberal Democrats my BIG FLUFFY BEHIND; where's the public dressing down for Foxy, then?
It just seems very odd to me that we elect ministers to make DECISIONS on our behalf on the basis of their OPINIONS being ones we generally agree with, and then quite bizarrely expect them to exercise NEUTRALITY when it comes to MAKING those decisions.
Do you ask the waiter to recommend what's GOOD and then complain when she picks something from her own restaurant's MENU? Do you think she should be making a NEUTRAL decision and considering the benefits of the takeaway next door of the Pizza Tonight down the street, even though you've made some sort of choice to come and sit down in HER restaurant?
Yes, yes, I get it that where you want a decision made in a "quasi-judicial" way, you don't want the judge to start the case by saying: "good lord, this one's OBVIOUSLY a wrong 'um; I shall be directing the jury to find him GUILTY and am looking forward to extracting a sentence of the MAXIMUM VENGEANCE allowed by the penal code."
But Ministers are THERE to make POLICY; if you want someone to take impartial quasi-judicial decisions… get a JUDGE!
Okay, for those who insist on "playing" politics like a Game of Monopoly where all the squares are "Westminster", then the Liberal Democrats are "damaged" by this; Mr Dr Vince has set back his ability to do good things because his remarks are a little too VAIN for his own good.
But each of these "leaks" shows a Liberal Democrat considering the interests of the country: is it in the countries interest to reduce participation in the media? How will people cope with the housing benefit cut? Is the change to child benefit fair and considered? Was the tuition fees debacle a train wreck?
I can TOTALLY agree with the decision made by each and every Liberal Democrat quoted.
The decisions and compromises that our ministers have had to make have been painful and far from perfect, but they CAN say with confidence that they were made for the BEST POSSIBLE REASONS, and with the interest of the Country put first.
So this is the message to the wingnuts on the right of the Conservatory Party and the Colonel Blitherington Bufftons of the Tell-lies-o-graph: you are NOT going to get a Right Wing government if you bring down the Coalition. Look at the opinion polls you morons: if there's an election, Hard Labour will WIN. And the economic recovery is TOO FRAGILE to allow that to happen.
I can hardly believe I am saying this but: Conservatories, STOP PUTTING YOUR OWN PETTY INTERESTS AHEAD OF THOSE OF YOUR COUNTRY!
And the GOOD NEWS for Mr Dr Vince is that scientists think that they have discovered a CURE for his beloved Honey Bees.
Let us hope that we can find a CURE to clean some of the POISON out of our POLITICS too.
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