How to tell if you have stolen Mr Balloon's BICYCLE:
1: It keeps pulling to the right
2: The back wheel seems to want to go in the opposite direction to the front wheel
3: this Lexus keeps following you around with your shoes…
Seriously, though, this is pretty dreadful. The pie-faced PR-merchant will be using it ALL the bleedin' TIME to claim that he's just like the rest of us and that crime is rampant.
The rampancy of crime is questionable, but most of us DON'T have chums on the radio offering rewards for return of our property (however swiftly retracted).
I have to admit it must be horrible and frustrating to have your bike stolen, but Mr Balloon is one of the few people actually in a position to say "we shall make it a policy to have proper bicycle parking outside all supermarkets and in places on local high streets"
Oh look, he's got it back. Do you think that he'll be adding a bit to his "broken society" routine that says "but actually, if you get the community on side you CAN get things made better?"