Anyway, speaking of SINISTER BUSINESSMEN, the controversy about selling ERMINE and RED LEATHER continues to dog Lord Blairimort, while Mr Balloon is constructing an enormous GLASS PALACE to throw bricks from.
First to the Labour, and Inspector "Lord" Yates of the Yard and his policemen have been around to call on every government minister… except Lord Blairimort!
Although it is his ministers who have been probed, the finger is now pointing firmly at Lord B as the ODD MAN OUT.
I do wonder what Mr Frown, and Nice Mr Doctor Reid and trustworthy Mr Man O'Straw have had to say about the man they all know affectionately as "our soon to be ex-boss".
One man who has had enough of all this is the Minister for Science and Home Economics, Lord Sainsbury. He has quit his job rather than
He will be leaving the government to spend more time with Jamie Oliver.
Clearly, it is a bad time to be Lord B. In a sticky situation like this, it is always good to know where your friends are. Lord Blairimort knows where HIS friends are – usually because he has put them in high government offices, friends like the Attorney General, Lord Goldfinger.
Lord Goldfinger, if you recall, has already helped Lord Blairimort out with one tricky moment by SUDDENLY DISCOVERING that the war in Iraq would be not in any way completely illegal after all.
Wasn't that handy!
You would have thought that being a CHUM of the person
But lo! Lord Goldfinger has once again SUDDENLY DISCOVERED that the British Constitution (not available in paperback for obvious reasons) does not allow the Attorney General to step aside. He cannot avoid the RESPONSIBILITY. There is no question of him standing aside!
Oh, isn't he dedicated!
Fortunately, Lord Goldfinger has given his PLEDGE that he will be completely impartial and will ask for independent advice, which he will publish afterwards. So we will all know if he SUDDENLY DISCOVERS a good reason to let Lord Blairimort off the hook. A reason like "if he really wants to".
Funny how Lord Goldfinger insisted that it would be COMPLETELY impossible to publish any of his advice (such as why it was SUDDENLY DISCOVERED that invading Iraq was not illegal) because it would set a TERRIBLE PRECEDENT that would make it impossible for anyone ever to be Attorney General ever again.
I guess he SUDDENLY DISCOVERED something that made it alright to publish his advice after all. He must work very hard to make all these discoveries, do you not think?
Meanwhile, Lord Blairimort's TENNIS PARTNER and ROYAL PRIVY HOLDER OF THE OFFICIAL PIN NUMBER NUMBER, Lord Levy says: "can't blame me; it was the Conservatories wot put me up to it guv!"
"Well," as MANDY RICE-DAVIS once said, "he would say that, wouldn't he!"
In fairness, though, it is not like it is as completely implausible as (say) discovering a bit of the British Constitution that just happens to mean you have to let your friend and boss off the hook. For example.
It is not like the Conservatories do not have FORM on this, what with having umpteen squillion in undeclared loans themselves during the last election.
But, that's not all!
No, apparently having gotten a nasty whiff of the way the way the wind was blowing on the secret loans front – and hastily repaying them with interest (though where THAT money came from is another interesting question) – they've already been exploiting ALTERNATIVE METHODS to
It seems like quite a lot of Conservatories were relying on some unfortunately shady-looking funding to keep their majorities propped up.
Yes, this is the news that so-called lobbying firm and alleged front-company for Conservatory bungs, the "Midlands Industrial Council" has been brought into the light by the BBC's Politics Show.
It is usually at this point, by the way, that the Conservatories start whining on about a man called Michael Brown.
(Spot the examples of their FULMINATING on The Liberal Review and Liberal Democrat Voice.)
Hint to the Conservatories – when you are caught with your hand in the cookie jar, "they did it too" is (a) not an excuse (b) a big fat fib.
Mr Michael Brown is a CROOK. He gave – or rather a company that he controlled gave – two-and-a-bit million pounds to the Liberal Democrats. The differences are:
- A gift not a loan
- Declared not secret
- Mr Brown got NOTHING from the Liberal Democrats in return, not so much as a smidgeon of a CBE, let alone a BIG FAT PEERAGE
It may turn out that it was not really Mr Brown's money to give to the Liberal Democrats, but that leaves us the VICTIMS of his con, not the perpetrators.
Contrast with the Conservatories DELIBERATELY getting their stickies on SIXTEEN (bit more than two-and-a-bit) MILLION POUNDS of UNDECLARED LOANS raised by ennobled-in-the-last-honours-list Lord Marland. Who EXACTLY is practicing to deceive here?
Conservatories say that they only want to CRACK DOWN on people who BREAK THE LAW – after all, if some one ADMITTED they had committed a crime (like taking DRUGS maybe) then the Conservatories would be all a clamour to make sure that they paid the proper penalty!
Unless of course, you know, they weren't.
If the Conservatories believe that they have behaved OPENLY and HONOURABLY then they really should be able to defend their own actions, don't you think, rather than running around trying to start distractions with smears about other people.
In the meantime, the Politics Show people have tracked down the link between the MYSTERIOUS "Midlands Industrial Council" and the Conservatory Parliamentary Party: Ms Julie Kirkbride (of Dracula), who was once sacked to spend more time with her family when Mr Something of the Night was in charge. This was allegedly because she is too liberal (though not, apparently, on the subject of gay daddies!)
Obviously it is an OVERSIGHT that her ex-officio position with an organisation that regularly hands hundreds of thousands of pounds over to her party does not appear on her register of members' interests.
She is clearly a very nice lady – look she has donated a picture of one of her business friends for national DOODLE DAY. Isn't that nice!
She is even married to another Conservatory MP – one from the Berks, apparently.
The Conservatories should be ASHAMED of themselves for getting a nice lady like that mixed up in slush funds and other dodgy goings on!
What WOULD Mr Balloon say!
Actually, he could tell her as her husband works for him as a special advisor.
Poor Mr Balloon: he can only reflect on the old saying:
"Do not build your glass house in Notting Hill – it is only a stone's throw away from Crystal Palace!"