...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 3700: William Hague Announces: "I should Never have been Tory Leader"


GOOD NEWS: the AXIS of DINOSAURS in the House of Lords have been defeated and REAL people will now decide how THEIR representatives are elected.

Responding to the news, Mr William Vague, Folliclely Challenged Foreign Secretary of "Save the Pound" fame*, has rushed out a statement to supporters of the No2AV campaign saying:
"AV doesn't work. Rather than the candidate with the most votes winning, the person who finishes third could be declared the winner."

Um, you do realise YOU weren't the candidate with most votes when you won the Conservatory Leadership Contest in 1997, don't you Mr Vague?

Other Conservatories who should never have been leader include:

Mr Major Minor – shouldn't even have stood since Mr Heselswine was beaten by Queen Maggie on first preferences in 1990;

Mr Ian Drunken-Swerve – beaten by Mr Michael Portaloo on first preferences. And second preferences. And by Fatty Clarke on third preferences.

Oh, and the current bloke.

Mr Vague, have you really thought this No2AV thing through?

*Mr Vague's famously disastrous "Save the Pound"/"Save My Job" election campaign in 2001 means that he is EMINENTLY SUITED to the job of letting Captain Clegg talk to all of those nice people in Europe for him.

My legal people remind me that as part of the Coalition agreement I have agreed NOT to refer to Mr Vague as a twit, nincompoop, buffoon or ninny. Thankfully, a lot of half-witted Europhobic gibberish got dropped by the Conservatories in return.

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