...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Day 3426: Who's On First? Good Luck Ms Diane Abbott-and-Portillo


Congratulations today to Ms Diane Abbott-and-Portillo, not just for discombobulating Mr Naughty on the The Today Show with her surprise announcement, but also for totally opening up the contest to be the next loser leader of Hard Labour.

The contest was looking increasingly like a choice of pale-male mini-me's to be Hard Labour's Mr William Vague.

Now we have a genuine choice! Will Mrs the Queen's Loyal Opposition be led by the next Mr Vague or… the next Mr Michael Foot!

Seriously, though, it IS a relief to see a genuine lady-person in the contest for the top job.

And, as well as being – as Mr Frown might point out – a woman, Ms Abbott-and-Portillo also represents one of the MINORITIES for Hard Labour: yes, she actually BELIEVES in things…

Because, of course, the REAL significance of Ms Abbott-and-Portillo is NOT that she LOOKS different to the other candidates, but that she THINKS different to the other candidates.

If you can get past the fact of her "celebrity comedy career" as part of a double act – famous for their "Who's OFF First" routine – with one-time Conservatory leadership contender Mr Michael Abbott-and-Portillo (no relation) AND that she radiates more than enough SMUG-ON radiation to have prematurely aged her share-ee of Mr Brillo Pad's sofa, even in spite of his natural OIL SHEEN of protection, you have to admit that she stands for a distinct BREAK from the Labour of Lords Blairimort and Mandelbrot.

It was GOOD to hear her wanting to re-engage Hard Labour with the CIVIL LIBERTIES agenda. It's about time they recognised that BURNING the MAGNA CARTA does not a happier safer country make. And, after what Daddy would have said in his speech, it was EXTRA good to hear her speak up AS a child of immigrants for a BETTER debate about immigration, particularly when she went on to say that the real problems were housing, jobs, services… hey! has she been reading my diary?

She'd be definite lurch to the left. But for a Party that was starting to make Mr Genghis Khan go "phew, they're a bit right-wing", that's really no bad thing. And she'd assuredly try to reconnect the Party to its roots… as bunch of well-off middle-class Islingtonians writing manifestos for poor people they've never met and certainly wouldn't want their kids to share a school with. Sorry, what?

Still, if you can't get over where she keeps her reproductive organs, or the amount of melanin she has about her person, I think it really HELPS the country see itself AS one country if people of all colours and genders and backgrounds can be seen to be in with a shot at being Prime Monster, so Ms Abbott-and-Portillo is to be warmly congratulated for stepping up to the plate for that reason too.

Parliament was already looking like it was reverting to a debating club for boys even before Mr Balloon set up a Cabinet which only included FOUR women to replace "reforming" Mr Frown's Hard Labour Cabinet… which, er, only included FOUR women.

But it would be really SAD if people thought you HAD to look like Hair-of-Blair to get anywhere in politics.

Well, of course, ACTUALLY, Mr Bully Balls is more Hair-of-Brown than Hair-of-Blair… and the Millipedes are more SPAWN-of-Blair than Hair-of-Blair… and Mr Andy Crash-and-Burnham is closer to We-Don't-CARE-of-Blair than Hair-of-Blair…

…I'm drifting!

Look, I'll admit it: it didn't help when Captain Clegg put five Liberal Democrats into the Cabinet and they all had "Y" Chromosomes.

Of course, the Liberal Democrats DID have a great many REALLY REALLY good lady candidates at the election – and in "winnable" seats too – but, by one of those HUGELY IRRITATING quirks of the voting system, most of those winnable seats LOST, making us LOOK a bit rubbish on the representation front. We'll have to mend that.

I think we can all guess that if Ms Julia Good-as-Goldsworthy had not lost, she'd have been a hot tip for the Chief Secretary job; and if Ms Susan Kramer-versus-Kramer had lost out to snotty-nosed rich-boy, er, valued Conservatory ally [retch, barf] Mr Slack Goldfinger she would have been a sure pick for the negotiations team and a fast track to a top job there too.

(Not that the boys aren't BRILLIANT, but you do see what I mean: we could have gone for 60:40 gender split with no loss of talent if the voters hadn't decided otherwise.)

Anyway, Parliament is supposed to represent the whole country and all points of view so that we can be SEEN to be coming to good decisions TOGETHER. At least that's what the NEW POLITICS should mean. So a Parliament that represents ALL people is a BETTER Parliament!

And anyway, as Auntie Stephmog says: Ms Diane Abbott HAS to win, if only so Mr Balloon can say, "I was arguing with a black woman last week…"


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