subtitle

...a blog by Richard Flowers

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Day 2507: THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES: Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane Smith?

Monday:


DO not panic, it is NOT the Big Tent on fire… it is merely the Olympics!


London's Burning
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Oops!

And we thought the London Olympics weren't meant to be a disaster until 2012!

Anyway, we were NOT watching that, we were watching THIS: Sarah Jane, again!

Here is Daddy Richard with another review. (Spoilers ahoy, of course!)
As I'm sure you know, 1994's short play for Radio 4 "Whatever Happened to Susan Foreman" saw the real Susan (Carole Ann Ford) replaced by Jane Asher. Guess what…

We're back on spooky territory this week, after the more sci-fi "Warriors of Kudlak", with a sinister cloaked figure altering the timeline with a wave of a finger, making Faustian bargains and trading in eerie puzzle boxes.

This is a more obviously Buffy/fantasy episode and we are clearly in the realm of magic: we take it for granted that sinister cloaked figures can do this sort of thing because, well, that's what sinister cloaked figures do.

Credited as "The Trickster" he has a terribly familiar line to any fans of the old Doctor Who: particularly those who remember a certain duck-hatted blackguard from the twentieth season, with a love of chaos, a penchant for sinister bargains sealed with strange trinkets and use of the line "waking or sleeping". On the other hand, the Black Guardian would seem a little out of proportion to Sarah Jane and this Trickster's keenness to encounter the Doctor suggests that he hasn't met him yet. Referring to Sarah as an "Ephemeral" is more reminiscent of the Eternals from "Enlightenment", though of course they had a connection to the Guardians too. "Eternals" have been mentioned a couple of times in the new Doctor Who (throwaway remarks in "Army of Ghosts" and "The Shakespeare Code"… by TV's Gareth Roberts, coincidentally!) and form an intriguing part of the series "greater mythology" in the post-Time War universe.

Alex though suggests, and I think he's right, that this fellow is most like the Shadow, the Guardian's stooge from "The Armageddon Factor"; even his half-made face is similar to the Shadow's half-skull visage, as though neither of them are quite real enough.

Of course, robbing some of the fruitier episodes of Doctor Who gives him an excellent line in dialogue and he glides through the proceedings like a malevolent spectre. He appears in a mirror, as did the Shadow to the Marshal of Atrios. But interestingly, he appears to Andrea in a mirror which, in the altered timeline, hangs on the attic wall where Mr Smith would normally reside. Which might be worth thinking about.

Andrea herself (Jane Asher, obviously) is the lady who lives across the road, a slightly earthy woman who paints, either for a living or as a hobby, and likes parties, especially her own. Well, no she's not, but the Trickster has changed history in order to wipe out Sarah Jane. The usual outcome of this situation is that the alternative Andrea would be either an obvious sinner who doesn't deserve to take Sarah's life, or a saint to make it poignant that she cannot have the life that belongs to another. But she's actually quite an interesting character, a real person, obviously not evil but not above being played as selfish and occasionally spiteful. Who wouldn't want to live if faced with death and given a second chance? We all know she made the wrong choice, but could we really know we would make the right one in her place?

Of course, Andrea doesn't really have a dilemma at the end, because there's a dirty great asteroid falling on her house – her choice is death or death, so it isn't so very hard to put right what she did wrong all those years ago. But it does need Maria to be there to point out that she has the choice to make – she'd never have realised that she'd been cheated… if it weren’t for those meddling kids. (Something that the Trickster should probably have thought of!)

With Sarah and Luke banished to limbo and Clyde relegated to "some boy from school" by the altered history, much of the episode hangs on the young shoulders of Yasmin Paige as Maria. I admit it: think she's probably the weakest as an actor of the three regular kids – though Clyde's character is least well-drawn, which somewhat undermines Daniel Anthony. But she does pretty well here, holding the story together as the traditional "only one who remembers". Since we, in the audience, have seen the Trickster casting his spell we are way ahead of her, but she manages not to look stupid as she catches up. At least not too often.

Then, in a seriously unexpected twist, Maria gets the same "taken out of time" treatment – with Graske cameo (and you've got to admire a series confident enough to just throw the Graske in with need to make it 'returning main villain') – leaving dad Alan to be the surprise hero. Clearly they've decided to quickly forgo the Buffy-esque "Dad never spots that Maria is the Slayer" theme and indeed the story ends with him expecting an explanation. Development, then, is being worked into the series' longer story, and a good thing too.

The time paradox story, someone changing the present by changing the past, oddly enough doesn't crop up in Doctor Who proper very often. Usually, the TARDIS takes the Doctor straight to the source of the interference. The usual example is "Pyramids of Mars" where the Doctor shows Sarah a future where he doesn't finish the job and stop Sutekh the Destroyer. The new series, of course, showed us the inside of a paradox in "Father's Day" and it's implied that the Daleks changed the history of the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire, and that the Doctor altered Harriet Jones' timeline as Prime Minister (which Russell T Davies has admitted is what allowed the Master to step in and seize power).

So this "there's something not right with the world" type of story actually owes more to "Star Trek the Next Generation" – think "Yesterday's Enterprise" – or even "Sapphire and Steel".

But unlike those series, "Whatever Happened…" takes the trouble to be a part of an ongoing "real world". In fact a story that by its very nature demands a reset switch seems to be the least reset-y of the series so far.

Writer Gareth Roberts has thought about the questions that the viewer is going to ask. He has Sarah demand of the Trickster what happened to the previous stories, all those invasions that she stopped – the Bane, the Slitheen, the Gorgons – which is certainly what I was asking, and what a lot of regular viewers will have been asking. And we don't mind the Trickster airily dismissing them with an "I sent them away", because at least the question hasn't been ducked. It's implicit that the entity had to work to find an alternative timeline that would still be valid up to the point where his random asteroid smashes the Earth. (Which also satisfies the "and why aren't you doing this all the time?" question.)

This series of Sarah Jane Adventures just keeps on getting better (fingers crossed for the final story). To me, they seem to be better at the genuine ghostly stories – ironic, given the dismal nature of the witchcraft plot in "K-9 and Company: A Girl's Best Friend". Or maybe not, since that was just total Scooby Doo – no alien / extra-dimensional intruders at all, which clearly misses the point of what Sarah's life ought to be about: finding marvellous things, here on Earth.

Next time… Could Luke have had a life before Sarah Jane rescued him from the Bane? And what happens when a Smith goes bad? Someone is out for revenge on "The Lost Boy".


Day 2506: Mr Balloon Gets Tough on Crime – he employs a Criminal

Sunday:


The funny thing is that I BELIEVE in people who are sent to prison being given the chance to REFORM. I believe in prison being better if it is a place to RE-EDUCATE. I believe in people REDEEMING themselves after prison.

What I do NOT believe in is Mr Jonathan Aitkin
, creator of the famous Aitkin's Diet ("Indulge yourself and then lie about it – you're bound to lose pounds!")

You don't put an alcoholic in charge of wine-testing for Threshers and you don't put a Minister who was imprisoned for PERJURY over CORRUPTION in a position of public trust.

Mr Aitkin's-Diet is quite clearly NOT a reformed character, because he can't stop himself from trying to cosy back up to the Conservatory Party.

Remember, this is the gentleman who wanted to try and stand for Parliament again for his old Party in his old seat. Which, of course, would have been slightly AGAINST THE LAW because he is disbarred, having been sent to prison for more than a year. What was he thinking? That the Conservatories would change the law just for him? Maybe he was.

Even this morning, he was refusing to admit what his lies were covering up – dismissing the lost libel lawsuit against the Grauniad as "all in the past".

If it had been Mr Frown offering Mr Aitkin's-Diet a job on prison reform then I would not have minded – reaching out with the fluffy foot of friendship to help a man trying to make a better way and all that. But this just STINKS of the Conservatories finding a nice, cushy job for one of their own.

I realise that this may not seem COMPLETELY fair – Mr Aitkin's-Diet has done his time and that should be that. But the PENALTY for abusing the trust that the public place in you has ALWAYS been MORE than just a time Chez Her Majesty's. (NOT the Paris Hilton courtesy of an Arabian Prince, by the way, the OTHER Chez Her Majesty's.)

The penalty for abusing that trust is that you DO NOT try and get your grubby fingers on the levers of power ever, ever again.


The IRONY is that now, Mr Balloon – or "plumber Dave" – is tooting his dog-whistle with a speech saying that some sentences are just NOT TOUGH ENOUGH.

(Which, in itself is a COMPLETELY USELESS solution to the low success rate in rape convictions – if the problem is that you are not catching and convicting ENOUGH people, then taking it out on the ones that you DO catch is just POSTURING and doesn't help ANYONE, least of all the victims!)

Once again, the Conservatories saying that it is one law for themselves and one law for everybody else.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Day 2505: S.O.B. Story

Saturday:


General Must-be-having-a-laugh of Pakistan continues to STRETCH, SQUEEZE and otherwise REDEFINE what it means to be a Democracy, by expelling three British journalists for their use of FOUL LANGUAGE.

Here is the Friday leader from the Daily Torygraph that got them condemned.

The offensive term is, apparently, describing General Must-be-having-a-laugh as "OUR son-of-a-Mrs-Lady-Dog". And goodness me, yes, that IS rude.

To give you the PROPER language, it should have read: "I want these Mr Samuel L Jackson-ing SNAKES off of this Mr Samuel L Jackson-ing DICTATORSHIP!!!".

Of course it is WORSE for people IN Pakistan, where local television stations and newspapers have been closed down pending a promise that they will not say anything nasty about General Must-be-having-a-laugh.

Information, freely available to everyone, is key to a modern county's wellbeing. Access to information is essential to the proper working of a liberal FREE MARKET, in order to make sure that everyone knows about the best and worst prices, otherwise the market won't work. And free speech is the lifeblood of democratic politics: if you cannot hear both sides of any argument (or however many sides there are), then how can you freely decide between them?

General Must-be-having-a-laugh has promised that the elections will be held in January, but so long as that means that the emergency laws to stop anyone from campaigning will still be firmly in place, then how can that be a REAL democracy?

But the people of Pakistan are not so easily kept in the dark, and there has been a RUSH to obtain satellite dishes and internet access in order to get around the news blackout.

Meanwhile, many of the now switched-off independent cable television channels remain available in next-door-neighbouring INDIA. This means that – IRONICALLY – ordinary people in India may know MORE about what is going on than the ordinary people in Pakistan.

This is IMPORTANT. For all of the hustle and bustle on our news about Mr Millipede saying THIS, or Ms Condescending Rice saying THAT, it is the people of India who – after the Pakistanis themselves – have most at risk in this situation.

Initial reaction from the Indian Government was said to be cautious and muted with careful talk of "regret" for their neighbour's "difficult times"

But the world's largest democracy grows increasingly worried by the situation.

It would appear that it is not the General's actions PER SE – in fact, as a figure of stability with whom they have developed a workable relationship, India might prefer it if he stays – but that the INSTABILITY of the situation is likely to set off the militants and separatists on either side of the highly disputed boarder.

After the last few years – with the General cracking down on the hotheads - having seen a general improvement, the tensions are now on the rise again across the "Line of Control" that divides Indian from Pakistani Kashmir.

For us in the West, it's a pretty SCARY idea of Pakistan (with her atomic weapons) slipping into the hands of Islamic lunatics like the Taliban who infest their border with Afghanistan – and whose training schools and Madrassas General Must-be-having-a-laugh has conspicuously failed to close down. But for India it must be a LIVING NIGHTMARE!

(Nor should we forget that China – a THIRD nuclear power – also shares a border with Pakistan and has significant interests there, being Pakistan's biggest trading partner.)

Free access to information is a NECESSARY antidote to the fringes of religious extremism too. Yes, I know that you can find all sorts of TERRIBLE websites out there promoting all sorts of dogmas and doctrines. But for every end-of-days nutter website or evangelising television channel, you can find a dozen with free clear news, and open argument, and opinions of every stripe to widen and broaden your understanding.

The more people know the more they will THINK, and the more they THINK the more they are able and likely to take decisions for themselves, and not leave the power in the hands of a medieval theocrat or a man who cannot take off his uniform.

In the end it does not matter if anyone is "our" son-of-a-Mrs-Lady-Dog or not. Because it really isn't OUR call. We can offer to help, and ask for help in return, but the decision has to remain with the people.

Day 2504: The Do Nothing Decisions that will Haunt Mr Frown

Friday:


Mr Power Cable, our stunt-stand-in for Sir Mr the Merciless, is right: the big surprise about Mr Frown's "vision" for the country – as laid out in Mrs the Queen's Speech – is not after ten years of waiting and planning how much he wants things to CHANGE but how much he wants them to STAY THE SAME.

Although he will ALWAYS be remembered for the invasion of a Middle Eastern Country, the REALITY of Lord Blairimort's regime was built around the triple pillars of a target culture, a surveillance society and a corrupt executive.

And Mr Frown ain't changing nothing.

Off Target
Typical Frown-ite policies reinforce the "command from the centre" ideology, as though the Government knows better than people what is good for them. For example, the proposed Planning Reform Bill will be taking powers away from local accountable control and giving them to yet another quango, the Independent Planning Commission – independent as in taking its orders from Secretary of State for Imposition of Airports, Mr Ruth Kelly.

Meanwhile, "Nanny Frown" is raising the school leaving age to eighteen, described as an "ambitious" solution to the "problem" of "NEETs" (or "NEILs" as I shall call them: "Not Earning or In Learning").

This is NOT "ambitious": it is OVERBEARING. Sixteen year-olds are old enough to make up their own minds. Give them the OPPORTUNITY for a place a college, YES; but do not FORCE them to go, or worse FINE them if they don't.

Is there any REAL benefit to deferring their entry into the labour market by two years… until after the next general election… ah, I may have answered my own question!

As Liberal Democrat Mr David "I am the" Laws points out: six-hundred-million pounds earmarked for HUNTING DOWN teenagers and DRAGGING THEM OFF to school could be BETTER spent on solving the problems of why they can't read and write in the first place!

Big Blairimort is Watching YOU!
Increasing the government's power over your life (in the name of protecting you from the terrorism that Lord Blairmort himself helped to stir up) has long been the watchword of the Blairimort regime, and Mr Frown promises us more of the same.

Detention without trial in Great Britain is already longer than anywhere else in what we LAUGHINGLY describe as the civilised world.

Why, then, do we need yet another POINTLESS debate about increasing it?

"There is not a shred of evidence that such a radical change in the law is needed," said Liberal Democrat, Mr Clogg.

Especially when the Government is also proposing to ACCEPT the Liberal Democrat call to allow terrorist suspects to be questioned AFTER they have been charged, thus ending the pointless guessing game of:

"You are being held under the Terrorism Act 2000."

"With what am I charged?"

"I am afraid I cannot tell you THAT, sir!"

And do not forget that even if you are NOT locked up, the Government still wants to keep track of your every thought and deed by means of an I.D.iot card. They've now admitted that the cost is going to rise to £5.6 billion. And they will not stop a single terrorist.

Dame Shirley of Williams was on CRACKING FORM on the Radio Four Any Questionables about this (well worth a Listen Again, till Friday), roundly condemning the intrusion, the obsession with centralisation, the waste of all that money. Particularly the INSANITY of the Government toying with proposals to recoup some of the cost by SELLING ON your private data!

"And would YOU refuse to carry an I.D.iot card," asked Mr Jonathan Dimble-donkey, slyly.

"Of course!" stated our Shirl without a hesitation or a breath!

Conservatory Quisling Mr Alan Dunkin' Donuts got his panty-hose well and truly twisted up as he frothed over to condemn Dame Shirley, and leadership candidates Mr Clogg and Mr Huhney-Monster, for joining the pledge not to co-operate with Operation "Bar-code the Nation".

"How VERY DARE you!" he spat, "How DARE you, as legislators, the holders of the people's sacred trust! How dare you stand up for the rights and freedoms of the British People! And you in the audience can stop booing too! We'll know where you live!"


A government elected on barely a third of the votes cast certainly cannot be said to have a mandate to make such a FUNDAMENTAL change to the nature of British citizenship. If the Conservatories are SOooooo up in arms about one little European Reform Treaty, why are they not demanding a referendum on I.D.iot cards too? Or would they rather just roll over and go along with them?

Ker-ching
The Cash for Coronets DEBACLE has wound its weary way to the end of its road to nowhere, leaving nothing to show but a large snap Autumn election-shaped hole in Mr Frown's war chest.

But the recent visit of King Ablutions – boycotted by Mr Power Cable and the Liberal Democrats – reminds us of the big bribes scandal that still hasn't gone away: Lord Blairimort's decision to stamp out the Serious Fraud Office investigation into BAE and their deals with the House of Saud. That decision has now been challenged in the High Court.

Was that REALLY a treat to National Security? Or just a threat to BAE's sale of another four-point-four billion pounds worth of Eurofighters to the Arabians this September?

Mr Power Cable welcomed the decision to allow a judicial review.

And Mr Frown's love affair with Big Business doesn't end with ARMS DEALERS. No, that's not HIGH RISK enough for him! He's also backing the NUCLEAR INDUSTRY, sticking to Lord Blairimort's line and wasting billions of pounds of YOUR money on more dangerous atomic power stations instead of investing NOW in good British renewables like windmills and wave-turbines.

Because the WORST example of Mr Frown's lack of ambition is the proposed Climate Bill that aims only for an INADEQUATE 60% reduction in British carbon pollution by 2050, reliant on importing dangerous Uranium.

"It has all the hallmarks of another monumental letdown," sighed Mr Lemming Öpik for the Liberal Democrats.

And Liberal Democrat Shadow Environment Secretary, Mr Huhney-Monster condemned it as "full of holes".

Why not REALLY GO FOR IT and take the Liberal Democrat challenge to make us a Zero Carbon Britain? Lead the world, and reap the rewards of new clean technology and safe reliable energy independence.


What Mrs the Queen's Speech REALLY spells out is that Mr Frown doesn't have any ambitions beyond the cautious management of Lord Blairimort's poisonous legacy. It is not a menu of opportunities, only a catalogue of regrets.


And if he regrets Lord Blairimort meekly going along with the Monkey-in-Chief's Middle Eastern Adventure (part one)… well, Mr Frown may still very soon have his chance to take part in part deux!

PS:
OBVIOUSLY it would be unseemly to raise any further questions about Conservatory Peer of the Realm and possibly Resident of the Realm, Lord Ashcroft.

Asked about his residency in the United Kingdom, a spokesflunky said:

"That's a private matter between Lord Ashcroft and HM Revenue and Customs."

Asked about the ATLANTIC OCEAN, they added:

"That's a private matter between Lord Ashcroft and HM Revenue and Customs too."

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Day 2503: Whatever happened to It's the Economy, Stupid?

Thursday:


Well, the OBVIOUS answer is that STUPID got into the White House and the economy got chucked straight out the window.

Normally, I do not worry about money, because my Daddies give me enough pocket money to buy all the DVDs that I want. But the price of sticky buns seems to be going up and up right now, so I am wondering it there isn't something big going on!

In fact, there seem to be FOUR big things going on in the world of MONEY at the moment: oil and wheat, mortgages and dollars.



Droughts in Australia and poor harvests in Canada have seen the supply of wheat cut dramatically, just at a time when China and India are increasing their consumption. The price of wheat on the commodities market has gone past $9 a bushel for the first time.

This isn't just affecting my sticky buns – and the average loaf of bread in the supermarket is APPRECIABLY dearer too – food giant Sara Lee has taken a hit to the profits because their cakes cost more to bake because their cakes cost more to bake, and Dominos saw their share value fall after warning of pricier pizzas.

Even the Christmas Turkeys are under threat and the people of Italy have been asked to go on Pasta Strike!

The biggest worry, though, is probably the effect on China. With the price of wheat, maize and rice up by 8.4% on the year to August, INFLATION is gripping the Middle Kingdom.

For the last ten years, Great Britain has had a stable and prosperous economy. Is this not down to Mr Frown, you ask? Well, no. Quite apart from the BIG IDEA of independence for the Bank of England being a LIBERAL DEMOCRAT idea, inflation has been kept LOW by the constant supply of economy-value consumer goods from CHINA.

If China is gripped by inflation, they will put up their prices… and WE will be gripped by inflation!

But that's not all.

China currently holds most of her foreign currency reserves – i.e. her piggy bank – in US Dollars. For years and years this has been the safest currency to keep because the US economy was so powerful that the Dollar held its value.

But not so much any more.

The Dollar is taking one heck of a nosedive at the moment – and when you have a big fluffy nose like mine, that is even WORSE than it sounds – this week reaching new depths against the Pound and the Euro.

In part, this is because the Monkey-in-Chief has been running the American government on the never-never and has run up one awfully big bill. But in the main, it is because the American banks were doing something that THEY thought was very, very clever and turns out to have been very,, very DUMB.

Essentially, they thought that they had a MAGIC FORMULA so that they could make some EXTRA interest from RISKY loans to people who probably couldn't pay it back – and then MAGICALLY get rid of the risk by doing swapsies with other banks.

So the front men were, instead of taking deposits and loaning that out, borrowing the money from other banks – at the so-called Interbank loan rate – and then loaning that out at a higher rate. They were getting money for nothing on the difference… so long as not too many people defaulted; and the banks could say that they were loaning the money to nice solvent people and not the highly risky "sub-prime" (and that very much means NOT Optimus Prime) mortgagees.

But that is the thing about riskier loans… they are the ones that ARE more likely to default! Particularly when the US economy has been sacking people at the low end of the payscale in order to ship their jobs off to – where else – China.

The level of defaulting doesn't matter, though, so long as you still have money coming in from your backers to hoik in yet more sub-prime victims who will keep paying the higher interest as long as they can and so you can keep making a return to the bank.

It's a sort of Ponzi Scheme. Investors at the front keep getting their money so long as new investors keep coming in the back.

At some point the banks suddenly realised this, That actually there was no more than a thin tissue of lies protecting them from the risk. So they did what banks always do – hoisted up their skirts and ran screaming back to mama in Threadneedle Street. In PRACTICAL terms they declared that they were all VIRGINS again and no, they were certainly NOT lending any money to strange men with sub-prime mortgages to be had, WHAT sort of girls did you think they WERE?!

No one is quite sure how far the risk goes – such is the web of loans and re-insurance and interdependence among the cartel of big banks – which is why rumours sweep the city faster than the one about Mother Superior and the Cardinal goes around the convent.

Last week it's the head of Citigroup for the chop; this week it's Barclays who are alleged to be over-exposed.

Shutting off the flow of cash going into the scheme was like cutting off the flow of lubricating oil and the whole lot suddenly fused into one giant economic meltdown.

Suddenly EVERYONE is losing their home – except the Money-in-Chief who gets to keep the big White one for yet another painful year! – and those repossessed houses, flogged off cheap by the banks to try and get SOMETHING back, drive down the price of houses even further AND stomp on the building industry – who needs new houses when there are cheap ones going begging – putting even more people out of work and leading to yet more repossessions…

To try and fix the housing crash, the Federal Reserve has had to lower interest rates… so investing in dollars doesn't get you as much money… so people sell their dollars and invest elsewhere… so the value of the dollar falls again.

As the value of the ol' greenback is driven down, the US economy looks more and more like a BASKET CASE and less and less like a safe BASKET to keep all of your EGGS IN.

Which means in turn that China – who are, naturally, the ones who've been LOANING all that money to the Monkey-in-Chief to pay for Son-of-star-Wars and a couple of Invasions here and there – suddenly have cold feet about the deal and are talking about DIVERSIFYING and maybe selling a load of dollars and buying Euros instead. And THAT doesn't help to steady ANYBODY'S nerves in the currency dealers' rooms and the dollar falls even lower.

Everybody piles OUT of currency and into COMMODITIES: wheat – again, and in short supply – and gold and OIL. So that drives up the wheat and gold and the oil PRICES.

Of course, everyone is TERRIFIED about the oil anyway, what with the Monkey-in-Chief looking likely to invade Iran sometime next Autumn (or, as the Americans call it "election time" "Fall")… so long as he can borrow another couple of trillion from China in order to pay for it all.

So the oil price spirals up to $93 sorry $95 sorry $96 sorry $97 sorry $98 etc…

It's added $5 a barrel in a week – though because your actual pound buys you more dollars at the end of the week than it did at the start, that's only an increase to US of £1.70.

In fact, Great Britain has been CUSHIONED a lot for the last twenty to thirty years by having North Sea Oil. Which just goes to show how VERY IMPORTANT independence of energy supply is, and why we should be maximising farming of our own free wind rather than dependence on foreign gas or, worse, uranium!

And of course we've also been CUSHIONED by our closeness to Europe. The Euro is seen as a safe haven for currency speculators, they've dabbled a little in the pound as well, what with OUR interest rates being a good couple of percent higher than Europe's just to make pounds tempting enough. Which just goes to show how VERY IMPORTANT remaining a firm part of a strong European Union is.

What does it all add up to?

Well, first, we could REALLY do with a President in America who can ADD UP.

Second, we're in for a tougher time of it – credit will be more expensive and probably so will imports; and it's the cheapness of both of those that has been keeping the British economy moving. This will be the REAL test of Mr Frown – is he a FAIR WEATHER Chancellor or does he have some IRON in him for real?

And third, I could REALLY do with a sticky bun after all of this!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Day 2502: Found Guilty? Don't Worry – the Labour's Mayor's Office will back you!

Wednesday:


The Labour certainly stand by their CRIMINAL element.

No doubt you remember Ms Miranda Grell – found GUILTY of telling lies. The Labour have decided to fund her appeal, despite her own statement to the police admitting that she lied. She is reported as "suspended" from her job working for Deputy Mayor Ms Nicky Gavron – suspended as in NOT FIRED for being a convicted, self-admitted liar, then?

No doubt you remember Sir Ian Clone of Lord Blairimort – found GUILTY of putting the public in harm's way. The Labour's Mayor Mr Ken continues to stick by him, even though the TOOTHLESS London Assembly has passed a motion of no-confidence. Obviously the London Assembly was created by the Labour, so you can hardly expect them to have given any POWER to the democratically REPRESENTATIVE body, can you? (And how can Mr Ken claim to REPRESENT anyone if he IGNORES the views of anyone who disagrees with him?)

Ms Grell has put out a statement saying that she doesn't accept the court's judgement. So, scratch "law abiding" from her CV as well.

Her friends and family have started a campaign to overturn the court's verdict. They claim that they never heard any of the things she is meant to have said. Presumably they weren't in court then, when there was testimony from the people who INDEPENDENTLY reported her to hate-crime unit ALERT, or the further FIVE WITNESSES there to testify that she accused her opponent of sleeping with boys of 14, 15 or 16 or HER OWN LABOUR RUNNING MATE, Mr Nicholas Russell, who was "disgusted" by her attitude and also heard her claim her victim had a "fourteen-year-old Thai boyfriend."

No, apparently it's all some kind of RACIST CONSPIRACY. Hmmm, who EXACTLY is playing the RACE card, then?

In court, Ms Grell claimed that SHE was the victim… leading the prosecution barrister to label her a "fantasist".


And speaking of dangerous fantasists, Mr Ken continued to talk nonsense in support of his chum Sir Clone, claiming that there was a "Cynical campaign" against him.

The Cynics, founded by a pupil of Socrates, believed in leading a life of self-sufficiency and virtue, achieved by eschewing the false influences of wealth, fame or power. They reached the height of their influence in Roman times when their philosophy was honed down to responsibility and willpower.

Hmm, yes, they DO sound like the sort of people who would find Sir Clone's love of power without responsibility UTTERLY REPELLENT. On the other fluffy foot, I can't see them hanging around for two-thousand year JUST to campaign against HIM! Perhaps Mr Ken is thinking of someone else.

"Al-Qaeda must be laughing at us while we busy ourselves pillorying the police who keep us safe," said Mr Ken.

Well, no actually Mr Ken I suspect Al-Qaeda were laughing at us when the police started killing innocent Londoners for them.

If I believed for ONE SECOND Mr Ken's LUDICROUS claim that ONLY Sir Ian is competent to lead the Met then it would surely ON ITS OWN be a reason for Mr Ken himself to RESIGN IN SHAME for overseeing a police force composed of such incompetents.

I do NOT believe it! I think that there are MANY brave and capable people in the police and Mr Ken is NOT FIT to serve as Mayor if he is going to diss their talents like this!

It is about time that someone challenged the Labour in their complacency and arrogance.

PS:

One person who IS calling the Labour to account – in a small way – is Liberal Democrat Mr David "I am the" Laws. (We met him yesterday while on our way to see Mr Huhney-Monster!)

Mr David had CAUGHT OUT the Prime Monster. Mr Frown was giving a speech on education last week, and his office contacted the local paper in Yeovil, Mr David's constituency, to say that a local school would be mentioned – with quote from the speech – and they might like to give Mr Frown some jolly nice free publicity please.

Except, when he gave the speech – gasp – no mention of the school.

And then Mr David checked around and GUESS WHAT… several OTHER local papers in different constituencies had ALSO received a note from the Prime Monster's office, ALSO telling them that a local school would be mentioned, and ALSO giving the same quote. Only the names were changed to protect the GUILTY LABOUR SECRET STALINS in Number Ten.

It is so difficult to hold the Government to account when they have NO REGARD for the TRUTH.

But we said very well done to Mr David for at least catching them this time.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Day 2501: The Leadership Interview… Chris Huhne meets Millennium (and some other people)

Tuesday:


Both candidates for the Leadership of the Liberal Democrats have kindly agreed to an interview with a panel of Liberal Democrat diarists*.

Today, first up was Shadow Secretary of State for the Environment and MP for Eastleigh, Mr Chris Huhney-Monster and naturally, as a TOP Liberal Democrat, I was there!



Top Liberal Democrat... and friends
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The first thing that strikes about Mr Huhney-Monster is his enthusiasm and energy and keenness to get his message across.

He is a MAN with a PLAN, big ambitions for the Liberal Democrats and a strategy to stop the other parties IGNORING us. He wants the Liberal Democrats, over the next two general elections, to get to a position where NEITHER party can form a government without us. That means working to a plan, like a business plan, where you start by defining where you want to be, and work out what are the target seats you need to support, who are the candidates you need to develop, what is the training you need to give them, how much is the money that you need to spend.

He certainly has the ELBOWS to be Party Leader, and he recognises that we need to USE them – we have to be more aggressive in going out there to sell our story.

As I suggested to him, the party sometimes has a habit of waiting for the publicity to come to us – that certainly does not seem to be the case with Mr Huhney-Monster; he is hungry for every opportunity to put across his ideas. (He's been on Any Questionables, GM TV and PoliticalBetting and that's just over the last weekend! Oh and there he was on the Newsnight Show tonight doing the response to Mrs the Queen's speech.)

If we are to win in the "air war" then his time in journalism has taught him that we have got to beat the "So what?" factor.

The propaganda of politics is about repetition, repetition, repetition. We need to have our KEY POLICIES – and it is obvious that he is passionate that the environment should be one of them – and press them hard.

Mr Jonny cut to the heart of the issue, asking: "In one line: why should I vote Liberal Democrat?"

And to be FAIR, Mr Huhney-Monster HAD an answer:

"Because we want a country that is freer, greener, fairer and where people are in charge."

Yes, it's on his manifesto, but isn't that the POINT?

He speaks eloquently and intelligently: perhaps too intelligently was the suggestion that Mr Paul Burblings put to him. "Sometimes you're said to speak a little sotto voce. In fact, you're the sort of person who uses words like 'sotto voce', words like 'Gaderene', or 'amanuensis'…" (THAT'S how you spell it, Mr James!) "…don't we need a person who is able to communicate with the people in ordinary language?"

But look at the evidence, was his reply. We now have a clear polling lead on the policy of the environment – six points ahead of the Labour or the Conservatories, in spite of all the Hug-a-Huskie stunts and government targets. This is IMPORTANT because sooner or later, and probably sooner, the environment is going to register with the public, as it has in Canada and Australia, and it will go rocketing up the tables of "important issues". And that lead has grown in the time that Mr Huhney-Monster has held the environment brief. That's got to be a measure of success in communication.

But this question of communication, of image, of STORY is obviously central.

Mr James returned to it later, putting it like this: "I can see the way that journalists will write the story: 'oh, those perfidious Lib Dems: they had the chance to elect the MESSIAH and instead they picked this greying accountant' – how do we escape from that story?"

There is, Mr Chris told us, usually a self-balancing mechanism within the press. Even if one story is being pushed there is usually someone who will look at it, think about it and say "but that's rubbish".

Ms Jackie Ashley in the Grauniad on Monday is a case in point, (SHE was saying our first choice shouldn't always be the pretty boys).

Do we want someone who is just young and telegenic, or would we rather have someone actually capable of running a country?

Remember, SUPERFICIALLY Lord Blairimort had ALL of the characteristics of the PERFECT politician: charm, wit, poise, peerages to sell, er. But Mr Chris pointed out that he could talk a good talk but didn’t walk the walk.

(So crooked he couldn't walk in a straight line, if you ask me, but that is another story!)

Mr Chris said no such thing, of course. He just pointed us to Lord Blairimort's speech to the United Nations where he called Climate Change the greatest challenge of our time. And then he flew home to a collection of ministries that were totally all over the place on the issues of practical delivery: abolishing the fuel escalator, expanding road building, and railroading though new nuclear power. All while Lord Blairimort was supposed to be overseeing them from the Cabinet.

So much for telegenic!

My Daddy Alex followed up Mr James point with another question of "narrative": "You say in your manifesto we need to revive our anti-establishment edge. You're the rich guy, the journalist, the politician, and the man from Brussels. If our leader needs to be anti-establishment, how is that you?"

Being a radical is a STATE OF MIND, said Mr Chris. Are you, he asked, on the outside of the establishment, rocking the boat, challenging the statue quo and championing the underdog? That's what the Liberal Democrats need to be doing, and that is where he wants to lead us.

Daddy Alex asked about the question of LEADERSHIP: Sir Mr the Merciless, said Daddy, sharpened up our policy, improved party organisation and by all accounts was better at marshalling the MPs. None of that did him any good – so what IS a leader FOR?

The most important attribute for a leader, replied Mr Chris – and he reminded us that he has lead teams of journalists and economists (the latter are easier to lead; the former are like herding cats) – the MOST important attribute is the ability to know his own strengths and weaknesses and build a TEAM around him that will best compliment those.

But add to that, this: the leader, he said, must be the one to represent the party to people at the highest level. And he has to be someone that the people would TRUST to hold the highest office, someone who looks like a Prime Monster, said Mr Huhney-Monster.

Where, asked Mr James Graham, on the cat herding scale are MPs between journalists and economists?

"I don't know," admitted Mr Chris, "I'll tell you when I've done the job."


But it wasn't all MEDIA PUFF!

Ms Mary (HELLO to ETHELRED!) brought an INVALUABLE alternative perspective, concentrating on the importance of LOCAL GOVERNMENT, a too often over-looked part of our national debate.

Looking to local government, the Labour have picked up much of our language of empowerment so – she asked – how do we craft a unique Liberal Democrat message and get or councils to do things in a uniquely Liberal Democrat way?

Mr Chris answered in two parts.

First, he said, we UNDERSTAND localism in a way that the Labour NEVER will. They talk about devolving power, but what they ACTUALLY mean is devolving managerial responsibility. The DECISIONS are still all taken by Mr Frown from a desk in Whitehall.

Taking away the powers of local councillors is knocking out the fist rung of the democratic ladder. We know that councillors need to be a POWERFUL first port of call for people seeking help from their representatives.

But, secondly, we ourselves need reminding of the principles of local action. We teach ourselves to go out and deliver Focus and we will get elected. But the POINT ought to be to EMPOWER local people, harnessing our skills to THEIR needs. We must remind ourselves that Liberalism is a PHILOSOPHY and use it.

We do need to give real power back to people, he said, recommending the model devised by the public services commission (chair: Mr C. Huhney-Monster). And he told us how SUSPICIOUS he was of ANY centrally imposed solutions – including "market" solutions. We should have the COURAGE to trust people and let them make their own solutions – and, yes, their own mistakes – and come up with different and local answers, not some scheme from the centre.


Ms Mary's other question was that it seems that a lot of the "star treatment" goes to the MPs – how should we increase recognition for leading councillors within the party?

The first thing to say was that properly devolving power to local councils would automatically raise their profiles.

But you are right, said Mr Chris, we SHOULD celebrate our councillors, and he spoke with pride of the councillors who have leant him their support in the Leadership campaign. Councillors, he recognised, are ESSENTIAL to our ongoing success – there isn't anywhere where we have won PARLIAMENTARY seats without first taking COUNCIL seats.


Turning to questions of POLICY, Daddy Alex had the TOPICAL question. "Today was Mrs the Queen's Speech: your manifesto talks about the House of Lords Club being out of date and bad, and how we need a more fair society – would you get rid of the monarchy?"

Mr Chris's answer was: no. But it was an interesting no, because he said that, as a radical, you have to choose cleverly the fights that you get into: pick the ones that are IMPORTANT. By implication, the Monarchy is not a brilliant idea, but it sort of works and we don't have a President… actually we DO have a President, but at least there are still a few things to stop him getting too much of a NAPOLEON COMPLEX!

Clearly, radicalism tinged with PRAGMATISM was to be our watchword.

Similarly, Mr Huhney-Monster's answers were CAREFUL when Mr Jonny raised the issue of drugs: "Your manifesto says we should have the courage of our convictions on drugs policy – what would a Chris Huhne Liberal Democrat drugs policy actually look like?"

He was clear that he wanted to DE-POLITICISE the question of categorisation – insisting it should be based in the SCIENCE and not the opinion columns of the newspapers. And the treatment of addicts should be MEDICINAL. That is, I think, that doctors should be able to prescribe the drugs that people need – as a part of a programme to get them UN-addicted! – rather than having them turn to CRIME to feed their habit.

But he also made clear that he was NOT in favour of a Libertarian legalisation and licensing approach. Citing the "harm" principle of Mr John Stuart Mill and Harriet Taylor, he said that drugs DO do harm to other people, the families and communities of the people who become addicted.

Mr Jonny came back at him straight away: "Isn't that also an argument for banning alcohol?"

Mr Chris reminded us of our Liberal Party forebears' roots in the Temperance Movement – and we should remember that the harm caused by alcohol in the Nineteenth Century, all "gin palaces" and Mother's Ruin, was if anything as bad as the current problems with drugs. But alcohol is different because it is already socially acceptable.

I am not sure that I completely agree. I think that if people are up to making up their own minds about the dangers of alcohol, they are probably able to make up their own minds about the dangers of cannabis or ecstasy.

On the other fluffy foot, Mr Chris RESPECTED that position and I can respect HIS.

Following up on his reminder that "it's the economy, stupid", I wanted to know if it wasn't time to start talking about talking less tax.

It would be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE was Mr Huhney-Monster's answer, and he explained why. For forty years, the Labour Conservatory battle has been one of "more tax and spend" "less tax and spend" and yet CURIOUSLY the amount taken in tax and spent by the government has remained pretty consistently about 40% of Gross Domestos Product, more or less. A little bit here or their either way that makes not a very big difference, really. The REAL question ought to be about ACCOUNTABILITY.

Millions and billions of pounds are spent with little or no way for the public to have any say in the matter. Take the NHS, said Mr Chris: the front-line elected official in the NHS is the SECRETARY OF STATE; that's got to be ridiculous – how can the Secretary of State know what are the problems in a hospital in Eastleigh or Sheffield or Tower Hamlets?

Mr Paul went to the question of Europe. When the Reform treaty comes to Parliament we will, he presumed, attach an amendment for a treaty on Europe in or out, which will then be defeated. The Tories will then attach an amendment for a referendum on the treaty. Would we then vote with them?

No, said Mr Huhney-Monster. Because the Reform Treaty actually includes within it, for the first time ever, a clause that would allow the SECESSION of a State from the Union. Once that is on the statute book, we can USE that to make sure that we get the referendum on the REAL ISSUE, the referendum that would SUMMARISE all of the referendums that we SHOULD HAVE HAD since the Seventies, the referendums that the Conservatories never gave us into the Single European Act or the Maastricht Treaty or all the others.

(Incidentally, my daddies and I had a THOUGHT about this on the way home and realised that it might actually depend on the ORDER that the amendments are taken. If the CONSERVATORIES' is taken FIRST, then we can vote against with heads held high, knowing our BETTER amendment is still to come; then Mr Balloon faces the VERY TRICKY choice of either voting WITH US, or denying his own Europhobes the very referendum that they REALLY want, or worst option, abstaining, chickening out of giving them that referendum, letting the Government off the hook and being known forever after as Bottler Balloon!)

The Conservatories, as Mr Chris says, are the ones with the REAL problem on Europe, and Mr Balloon must be very afraid of an ACTUAL referendum turning up and exposing his party as SPLIT from top to bottom.

We Liberal Democrats are NOT split, and we all agree with Mr Chris when he said that he would campaign strongly for us to stay IN the Union.

Daddy Alex jumped in with another follow up, referring to Mr Huhney-Monster's "people's veto" proposal. "If one and a half million people signed a petition for a referendum would you agree to support a referendum on the treaty?"

If the people's veto had been on the statute books, then yes he said that it could certainly be used to trigger a referendum. And it was his hope that this would lead to better considered legislation and so more stability, and less of the sort of nonsense where the Home Office adds another crime to the statute every ten seconds.

But, pressed Daddy Alex, what about THIS treaty, if there were a large swell of public support, wouldn’t you be MORALLY obliged to support calls for a referendum. Mr Chris admitted that he would not. (Mr Paxo has NOTHING on my Daddy's HARD STARE!)


As is TRADITIONAL from Questionable Time, we finished with a COMEDY last question – this can be trickier than you think, as it requires the ability to think on your feet and deal with the unexpected and off the wall with humour as well as political nowse.

I asked: do you think that it is time to replace the BIRD of Freedom with the ELEPHANT of Freedom.

Mr Chris was politely positive about me, but reminded me of the EVIL Elephants of America who have sided with the Replutocratic Party. Everyone laughed, but I was PROPERLY ASHAMED!


Mr Huhney-Monster impressed us all, and we were all – I think I can say – a lot more enthusiastic about the Leadership contest after our interview with him. I was particularly happy that the interview avoided unnecessary comparison and focused very much on Mr Chris and HIS qualities, of which there are many. He has, at the very least, once again set the bar VERY HIGH for the other candidate, and Mr Clogg will have a lot of work to do to impress us as much when we meet him later this month.



*This may all seem a bit ELITIST, but do not forget the ONLINE HUSTINGS which will give EVERY Member the chance to put questions to the candidates.

The invited diarists were the five people short-listed in the Liberal Democrat Blogger of the Year together with Mr Jonny, Winner of the Best New Blog award and double winner Ms Mary Reid whose diary was both Best Blog by an Elected Liberal Democrat and Best Designed Blog. (Though Most Humorous Blog, Don Liberali, was – MYSTERIOUSLY – not to be found!) So we were (at least a bit) selected by our peers as top bloggers!


We hope that this format will bring a contrasting and complimentary approach to examining the candidates, and wish them BOTH the very best of luck.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Day 2500: DOCTOR WHO: Forever Autumn

Monday:


With a bit of LUCK my NEXT diary might be a bit SPECIAL.

But first, what with it being Bonfire Night, and with Halloween last week, what better time for a SPOOKY Ghost Story? Instead, Daddy Richard has been reading more Doctor Who. There really is no telling some people, you know.

Here's his review. Trick or Treaters beware: some of the sweeties may contain spoilers…
Mark Morris has written a Halloween story for Doctor Who. It begins with three local boys in witch-haunted New England digging up a book of spells and foolishly reading out the incantation. A green mist soon rises from the ground under the blackened tree that gives their town its name and monsters follow.

What surprised me most often was discovering how far into the book I was, since so little actually happened. For all the haunted mists there is very little atmosphere, and certainly little sense of growing terror. Quite the reverse, the townsfolk's obtuse resistance to noticing that something is going on often counts to undermine any sense of fear. Dropping in the occasional, usually telegraphed, moment does not amount to building up the suspense.

Nor did I get an enormous sense of America out of this – diners and stores instead of cafes and shops aside, Blackwood Falls could have been Littletown-on-Twee as easily as Nowheresville, Maine. The occasional hint of classic "Psycho" – my, what is that in your cellar, Miss Etta? – did not make up for that either.

Once again we have heroic kids along to help, this time sparky twelve-year-old Rick Pirelli and his moody teenage brother Chris, though Rick's friends nerdish Thad and jockish Scott don't really contribute much. I have to say, I'm getting a bit bored of children saving the day, and – worthy exception Tim Latimer aside – it certainly looked like the TV series had done so too, perhaps hiving off that strand for the CBBC-targeted Sarah Jane Adventures.

There's some comeuppance, though, when the climax inevitably sees the town children transformed into monsters by their Halloween costumes, a plan designed to provide the fear and blood that the monsters need to power their ship (why are arcane spaceships never powered by a surfeit of jolliness and candy canes?) though we boldly gloss over whether there are in fact any casualties at all. The Doctor, predictably, defeats the baddies with a combination of the old "tricking them to use the thing that destroys them" and a "reverse the polarity".

Aside from that, I have two quite big problems with "Forever Autumn".

My first is the monsters: the Hervoken. They use magic, like the Carrionites, they fought a war against the Carrionites, they were banished to the dark places by the Eternals along with the Carrionites, Martha even asks "It's not the Carrionites, again, is it?"… is there any reason at all for them not to be the Carrionites?

The first description we get of the villains talks of their long talons, their stick-like necks, their too-wide, grinning heads… sound at all familiar?

Well, of course, you are wrong because in fact they are Pumpkin-head people but rarely have I read a better example of why you shouldn't try and tease out the defining characteristic of your monster. If we'd started with horrible stalking Jack Pumpkin-head figures and we say that they are Jack Pumpkin-head figures then it might have been easier to accept them as contemporaries of the Carrionites. By trying not to come right out with it, Mark has given the reader the idea that they are supposed to recognise these beings before the locals do, inadvertently adding to the idea that he is basically writing a Carrionite story but couldn't bear to let his own monster name go.

I'm a big fan of the "if it might as well be" school of thought that says there is no point in over-complicating things by duplicating a perfectly good monster. One of the reasons, I think, that all of those attempts in the sixties to recreate the success of the Daleks fall over is because we've already got the Daleks. We don't need Mechanoids or Chumblies or War Machines to do the same job. It's not until the Cybermen come along with their own, different, unique selling point that we get another classic monster.

This "one monster to the tune of another" wastes time: instead of using the opportunity to expand on and explore new ideas about a foe familiar to the reader, you just cover the same ground with only the names changed.

One race, users of "magic" at the dawn of the universe, banished by the Eternals is fine. Two, begs the question why not three or ten or a hundred. In fact, the way that the Hervoken's magic spell book, the insipidly sub-Necronomicon named Necris, is bound by salt (like the Fendhal) or iron (like Bok in the Daemons) suggests that maybe the author was moving towards Lawrence Miles-esque territory of the early Universe being a whole realm of magic before the Time Lords put a stop to that sort of thing. But this is never explored, and you are just left with the sour taste that this is merely paraphrasing "The Shakespeare Code".

My second problem is how Mark handles the dreaded gay issue.

Aside from the Pirelli family – and Etta the obligatory local seer/witch woman – there are two incidental characters in the book to receive any development: Dr Clarke, the old town MD who, since his wide died, has turned to drink; and Jim Tozier, proprietor of the local costume shop who, since his gay life partner died, has turned to thinking of moving out to be with his sisters family. Gee, that's nice, I thought, a genuine no apologies gay character in a Doctor Who novel. Who then turns into an evil killer clown. Ah.

Compared with Dr Clarke, who is also affected by the Hervoken magic – he has his mouth magically taken away and is hospitalised – you can maybe see why I was a bit miffed. (And add to that the climax where all the kids that turn into monsters are wearing costumes from Tozier's store … gee who's going to get burned at the stake for that, I wonder?)

Although it's quite clearly an alien intelligence possessing his body, and not just saying "the gay man goes evil!" it is still a bit unpleasant to choose the one gay character pretty much ever to be the one person to become a key agent of the Hervoken.

The evil clown chases Martha and young Rick across town until Martha outwits him and hits him over the head with the Hervoken spell book. This, handily, breaks the spell and she and Rich are able to peel the clown mask off Mr Tozier's face. (With hilarious Scooby Doo quote fitted as standard.) My heart rose again, as I though that my now lowered expectations were about to be subverted – freed of the spell, now Jim could join the good guys and play an obviously redemptive role in defeating the Hervoken. Except no, he simply drops right out of the plot at that point. For all we know, Martha and Rick just left him on the sidewalk to bleed to death from a sub-dermal haematoma.

So, basically, we're introduced to a man, told a bit about his life, including that he has lost his male lover, he is possessed by evil and defeated. And that's all the writer is interested in telling us about him. Hell, even Dr Clarke gets a quick reference when Martha wants to know if he got his mouth back when the monsters were defeated! It's not exactly as affirming as the revelation that Dumbledore is a gayer, is it?

It's pretty well written, captures the Doctor and Martha (possibly the cartoon "Infinite Quest" versions of them) and keeps the pages turning. But it isn't a particularly good Halloween story because it's just not really scary enough. Nor is it a particularly good Doctor Who story, because if you just takes it as read that magic works (but the Doctor can beat it) then what is there to learn from events that can be, essentially, arbitrary?

And what's with the title, being a reference to the song from Jeff Wayne's Musical "War of the Worlds"?


Day 2499: The Dark is Rising

Sunday:


This film is SO POPULAR that EVERYONE in Great Britain has already seen it. Surely that is the ONLY explanation for me and my daddies being the only ones in Cinema One at our local multiplex for today's matinee!

[R: whispers]

Daddy tells me that it was at number SIX in the UK movie charts last week. So there must have been SOME cinemas even EMPTIER!

Here is Daddy Richard's review – since the book has been out since 1973, expect spoilers. Not that the plot has much to do with the book…
It ought to go without saying that the success of "The Lord of the Rings" and the "Harry Potter" movies was always going to spawn a slew of imitators, as other studios reach for the children's bookshelves in search of the next hit franchise.

"Star Wars" was followed by a generation of "space" movies – does anyone remember "Battle Beyond the Stars" or "The Last Starfighter"? The idea was that you could take a bevy of classy (but not too expensive) actors, play around with the new special effects and it would make a decent movie. Inevitably, it was always proved wrong.

Here, Christopher Eccleston is terrific as the Dark Rider, spearhead of the Dark, a force of evil intent on bringing a literal Darkness to the world, illustrated by a rather good early effects sequence. Eccleston is dark and brooding in his Rider persona, and camp as Christmas in his "disguise" as the local doctor, with an outrageously fake posh English accent, so cod you could batter it and serve it with chips, so hokey it practically screams: "This is why Doct'r Oo was from t' NORTH!" (And yes, our hero's mother does get to say "Hello, Doctor" to him.)

But he can't, on his own, make up for the shortcomings in the plot, or the low ambitions of the producers.

Were it not for the digital effects – obviously way too high-budget for the telly – this could be described as very TV Movie. And there's a sense that it might have been better served, shown on BBC1 for Sunday teatime in six or eight weekly episodes, as this year's "Box of Delights".

It wasn't helped by the titles, all yellow Helvetica, looking so like all those seventies dramas where the titles end with the words "based on a true story". Here the titles ended with "based on a much loved children's fantasy" and with about as much basis for the words "based on".

So, Susan Cooper's original story of Will Stanton coming of age on his eleventh birthday, discovering he is, as seventh son of a seventh son, one of the Old Ones, and then recovering the six talismans or signs of the Light that will turn back the Dark is used more as inspiration than guide for the movie. Finding the Sign of Stone in the church becomes an exciting Indiana Jones-esque action sequence, all crypts and snakes. The Sign of Water is found from the thaw – but it is a flood of the evil Black Rider's making, and conflated with a rather wasted side-story about Will's crush on local girl Maggie who turns out to be in league with the Dark and, for about five seconds, a witch.

The book's subplot about "the Walker", a local tramp, is also lost. Badly used by Merriman centuries ago, he betrayed the Light and was cursed to immortality to guard the Sign of Bronze in punishment; this in an early clue that the Light can be as hard and cold as the Dark is implacably evil.

Instead, we get a gratuitous step back through time to an attack by Vikings (well, more accurately it would be Danes) probably a reference to the appearance of a chieftain's longboat in the flood at the end of the book. Will accidentally brings along his young sister Gwen who rescues a cute kitten. Oh, the humanity.

Perhaps most controversially, the Sign of Fire is replaced as the Sixth Sign with a "soul freely given" – no Doctor Who fan will be able to avoid thinking of Princess Astra in the "Armageddon Factor" and her transformation into the Sixth Segment of the Key to Time. When you're writing a sub-Bob Baker and Dave Martin knock-off, you should know you're in trouble. And "A soul freely given" – as Alex says – suggests sacrifice rather than apotheosis, so the "and now he's a super-hero" ending also seems like a cop-out.

The other very big change is to give Will a (minutes older) lost twin brother Tom, kidnapped and never found with terribly tasteless Madeleine McCann overtones. In the book, Tom is, or would have been, the oldest Stanton brother and none of the other children knew – explaining how he could never be mentioned. Here, it seems inexplicable that no one has told Will about his lost brother. And the "oh, he lives" ending is just too twee.

I don't, in fact, mind that the central character Will Stanton has been aged up from eleven to fourteen, to make him a bit more turning of age, nor that he has become an American (a slightly unmemorable Alexander Ludwig, who is actually Canadian), along with his family, all iPods and flatscreen television. It's a shame that it loses much of the "English myth" strand of the original: Herne the Hunter, John Wayland Smith and almost all the Arthurian references are excised from the plot – although the character of Merriman Lyon remains (played by an underused Ian McShane), there is no hint that "Merry Lyon" is in fact Merlin. But there's nothing intrinsically bad about the Stantons being translated to America and rediscovering their English roots; it adds to some of Will's sense of alienation. When Lady Greythorne (Sylvester McCoy in amber glasses and frock) tells him he's an Old One, she's as good as saying "young man, you are English!"

I do baulk at the idea that Will's father is a professor of physics who was developing a thesis about the battle between forces of light and dark, the very ludicrousness of which bastardises both the mythology and the physics. And why should he also, handily, be an expert in fractals? A fractal is an object described by Chaos Theory, a branch of mathematics more closely associated with statistical predictions (weather forecasting) than physics. Not that the animated spirals that Will sees actually are fractals, pretty though they may be.

Dad Stanton is portrayed as a weak man, undermined by unspoken guilt about losing tiny Tom the twin. In fact, his story is never properly resolved, in as much as Tom is returned at the conclusion by Will's efforts not his father's and we don't see him overcome his guilt or inadequacies. Not even by Will’s efforts – Will does the effort for his brother, then forgets about him, then Sylv sighs, consults the script outline to see what’s not been done yet, and announced ‘Look who I’ve found!’

Rather better-handled is the strand concerning Will's second oldest brother, Max, who is unexpectedly home from college for the festive season and has taken over Will's room, banishing the youngest brother to the attic faster than you can say: "Harry, go to the cupboard under the stairs!" Max is the "cool" brother with a secret, and falls under the Rider's evil sway. The scene where he tries to stop Will reaching the fourth Sign is genuinely creepy, nicely mixing Max's voice with Christopher Eccleston's, even if it ends with the ol' "punch up with your brother and then go and have a man-to-man talk with dad" cliché, I'm afraid.

It is often said that evey American movie is about a son learning to say "I love you" to his father. At least here the unresolved father-son tension in the movie is mostly the father's guilt and weakness and worry about his son rather than the other way round.

But by now you should have spotted what the problem is – and why this would work better on television. This film is all sub-plots.

Possibly interesting developments – Max's turn to the Dark side; the mystery of who might be the Rider's cloaked contact; Will's teenage hormone-driven infatuation – are used up and tossed aside too quickly. Unnecessary and unsatisfactory additions – dad's guilty secret; what really happened to Tom; oh look, Maggie's a witch; Vikings! – are bolted on haphazardly.

In a television series like Heroes, which also features a standout performance from Christopher Eccleston, the tangle of subplots actually serves to give each separate episode its own unique story and the fact that the through-plot is obscured actually seems rewarding to the viewer. Episodes translate into "chapters" in Heroes, emphasising that the reverse transition, from book to screen, also works more easily.

Alex expands on this idea, pointing out that a further advantage of the TV series is that we learn interesting things about a range of different characters; in "The Dark is Rising" movie, there really only are two characters, and one of those – the Rider – is kept deliberately obscure, (or just hissably evil, take your pick). Other characters exist only in as much as they orbit Will; there is no sense of them having a real life separate of him. Even Max, who gets most to do, ceases to play any role once his story's impact on Will has been resolved.

In a film, you need a much clearer, more linear narrative. The usual "quest" type narrative involves just a single McGuffin to find, not six and especially not six with mysterious complication about what the sixth actually is. Here Will does not go on the traditional "journey" collecting the signs as he goes; instead he goes and gets a Sign, comes back, goes and gets another Sign, comes back, etc. It's a stop-start narrative that undermines the "dramatic W" in the same way that editing together episodic Doctor Who into "feature length editions" does. It's not immediately obvious but you can sense that there is something wrong with a story that comes in lots of little climaxes instead of a beginning, middle and end.

It's not that any of this is bad, as such, it's just that – in spite of often quite amazing visuals – it looked ordinary.

It certainly wasn't helped by the fact that it was preceded by the trailer for (do I need to say "makers of the 'Lord of the Rings'") New Line Cinema's "The Golden Compass", all Nicole Kidman in head-to-toe gold frock, Daniel Craig with James Bond swagger, and Sir Ian (do I need to say Gandalf) McKellen as a talking polar bear. (Actually we spotted "Sir" Christopher Lee among the magisterium too – do you think they signed a six-book deal by mistake?)

There was scope to make "The Dark is Rising" an epic battle across history, visiting crucial events in time and space and linking the local to the global. But instead, the power to "walk through time" is used for no more than history-based stop-and-gawp action sequences, of the dressing-up box variety. Very nice dressing-up, don't get me wrong, but ultimately pointless.

This story is about a millennial war between the Light and the Dark. The book, actually second of five, is staged as a small but important battle in that war. Will is destined to be a powerful agent of the Light, and the Dark take a risk striking at him when he is weakest in order to try and gain unprecedented advantage. It doesn't pay off because, with sacrifices, the Light holds the Rider back. But the book ends with the Dark still rising, the war still to be won, and the Light – and their new warrior Will – in desperate need to recover their old powers and weapons if they are ever to meet the Dark when it reaches its full might.

By making itself more self-contained, the film becomes both to big and too small. The threat of a global Darkness, while excellently realised, does not match up with the small, family-scale drama – a lost twin, a mixed-up brother, a cute kitten – that the events of the story actually portray.

I actually enjoyed "The Dark is Rising", there's a lot of fun among the confusion, but I really wanted to love this, because I loved these books as a child. But "The Dark is Rising" is never more than an okay movie. For all Christopher Eccleston's efforts, he just couldn't raise it enough.

Awards to watch out for: Most Gratuitous Use of Snow-Globes in a Movie since David Bowie's Goblin King in 1986's "Labyrinth" (a film which makes much better use of the "the power was with you all along" ending).


Day 2498: Tricky Times for Foreign Relations

Saturday:


President Pervez Must-be-having-a-laugh of Pakistan has declared a STATE OF EMERGENCY.

People trying to explode Ms Benazir Bhutto on her return from exile and people trying to explode President Must-be-having-a-laugh have given him the excuse he needs to suspend the Constitution and move against the JUDGES.

Even with the news that the elections set for January are STILL ON, this is very bad news.

Former Liberal Democrat leader, King Paddy of Bosnia, has always said that the most important first step to Liberty is always the RULE of LAW, whether in Bosnia-Herzegovina, Russia or Afghanistan and Iraq.

Without LAWS that people can rely on to protect them, their work and their property, guaranteed by impartial and independent judges, then you cannot develop a functioning society. Democracy alone won't work when it is NOT SAFE to express differing opinions and you can't vote in elections without FEAR of intimidation or corruption.

Or, to put it crudely, as Captain Paddy says:

"…we lovingly forget that item number one is always the rule of law. It is not elections, I’m afraid. If you have elections before you establish the rule of law then all you do is elect the criminals who ran the war."

The "emergency" in Pakistan has been widely seen as a move to hold onto power for longer. Although he had reached a deal with the opposition – that included granting Ms Bhutto the pardon that allowed her to return home – so that President and also GENERAL Must-be-having-a-laugh could stay on as head of state if he gave up some of his powers as head of the army, the judges were taking their time about deciding whether or not they would admit him as ELIGIBLE when the Parliament recently selected him to stay in the top job. Their intransigence – and perhaps a bit of taking fright at the sight of just how popular Ms Bhutto turned out to be – seems to have lead to this crisis.

Ms Bhutto herself has said that she DOES accept that militant and pro-Taliban factions were getting WORSE, but she thinks that the answer is MORE democracy, not less.

"I believe dictatorship has fuelled extremism. The extremists need dictatorship to flourish, and dictatorship needs the extremists as a pre-text to continue in place."

Liberal Democrat Leadership prospect, Mr Huhney-Monster has pressed Mr Millipede to side with the forces of democracy.

"When the regime does change – as it is bound to do in the case of General Must-be-having-a-laugh because this is the last throw of the dice for him – we are likely to find ourselves very isolated," he said.

With the huge international outcry and even both Great Britain and America considering their position on the huge aid packages that we give to General Must-be-having-a-laugh's government, we have to remain hopeful that he will remain open to persuasion, and that the Pakistani people will be quickly returned to a just and democratic state.


PS:

On a more TRIVIAL note: what a shame for Mr Balloon. The very week that he is praised for trying to play the IMMIGRATION card WITHOUT playing the RACE card (even if Mr Trevor also said he had a way to go yet), he only goes and gets TRUMPED by one of his own Conservatory Candidates playing the "Enoch was right" card!

As Liberal Democrat Mr Ed put it:

"This episode must raise serious questions, both about the Conservative Party's selection procedures and the views of at least some of their grass roots members".

The first of which is the one that Mr Paul asks:

Why has Mr Balloon gone so QUIET on the issue he was talking about so much last week?

Immigration is POSITIVE process, but one that we need to manage carefully, to ensure that we have the infrastructure and resources in place to meet the needs of the TOTAL population, new and old. Just saying: "Stop! We're full!" is a crude and nasty approach that does not address the needs of migrants OR Great Britain.


Many British immigrants and their families have ties to Pakistan, and they must be worried about their friends and relatives at this difficult time. They are all a part of our BRITISH family now and our fluffy thoughts should be with them.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Day 2497: Boring Statistical Point

Friday:


I am getting a bit BORED of the commentary (copyright all newspapers) that "half of all the new jobs created since 1997 have been taken by foreign workers".

It is JUST AS LIKELY that two million new jobs have been created and ENTIRELY taken by British workers… leaving one million LOWER-PAID jobs vacant, which have drawn in workers from Europe to do the jobs that British workers are no longer willing to do.

I am not saying that that HAS happened – it's just no more unlikely than the other EXTREME, the one that everyone is quoting as gospel.

Of course, the Labour didn't create ALL these jobs, either. They just created the public-sector ones by spending money like it was going out of fashion. And this week's latest banking crisis suggests they may have been RIGHT! The Conservatories are just miffed that the Labour is better than they were at creating the CONDITIONS in which other people can create jobs too.


It is the MIX of jobs that is important. If MOST people have moved UP into a better job – British people into better British jobs; European workers move into better-paid jobs in Britain – then surely that is an all round WIN. WE are better off; THEY are better off; the GOVERNMENT gets more tax; the vital jobs still get done… where is the DOWNSIDE?

(Oh yes, it's the new DOG-WHISTLE that the Right have discovered: pressure on housing. Of course, it would also help if they were calling on all those big building corporations that fund the Conservatories so well to build more affordable houses even though that would mean lower profits.)

Day 2496: Police! Stop or I'll Not Resign!

Thursday:


Let's start with a statement of the OBVIOUS: you CANNOT make the public more SAFE by SHOOTING them at RANDOM.

We listened to the wise words of Mr Brian on Questionable Time last night, saying it was TOO SOON to call for the resignation of Sir Ian clone of Lord Blairimort, that we should not RUSH to JUDGEMENT. There is the report of the Independent Police Complaints Commission to be published in the next few days, and then there will be an Inquest. Mr Brian is right – we should wait for those.

And THEN Sir Ian should resign.


Reaction to the guilty verdict in the case of Jean Charles de Menezes has been MIXED: Mr Mayor Ken says that Sir Ian has his FULL SUPPORT. Everyone else thinks he should GO.

Leadership candidate Mr Clogg, with his Liberal Democrat Home Secretary hat on, put it well when he said:

"It's absolutely nothing personal about Ian Blair. I have a lot of admiration for him. I just start though from a very simple principle that policing needs to be seen to be accountable."

This is the key point: it's about TRUST.

You have to appreciate what a rock and a hard place Mr Brian found himself in: he has worked for the police all his professional life, he knows these people and the job that they do – and especially how difficult it is. This is what would make him such a GOOD candidate for the Mayor of London: he UNDERSTANDS.

It was a BRAVE decision to support his former colleagues and try to explain a more NUANCED position, especially when the POPULIST PUNDITS – Ms Eggwena Curry, I am looking at YOU – are saying fatuous things like "less of this building relationships with the community; we want the police to catch criminals". Oh and just HOW do you think the police go about "catching criminals" WITHOUT building community relations?

It's about TRUST.


Mr Mayor Ken has said that the court's decision will make it more difficult to protect London from terrorists. HE IS WRONG.

(And, yes, this is the Labour attacking the courts (AGAIN!) because they don't believe the Rule of Law, only in the Rule of the Daily HateMail)

The REAL moment it got more difficult to protect London was the moment that Sir Ian – without knowing the truth – gave a press conference saying that they HAD shot a terrorist when in fact they HADN'T, and members of his police force KNEW that they hadn't.

Because that means that people do not believe him and do not trust his policepeople and that is the SECOND most UNFORTUNATE thing about the de Menezes case. And although Mr Brian may see and know about the GOOD IMPROVEMENTS that Sir Ian has made, there remains that VITAL question of TRUST.

It is tragic but UNDERSTANDABLE that mistakes can be made – even mistakes that end up with an innocent person dead.

But it is NOT acceptable that the police should DENY making those mistakes, cover up, mislead even DECEIVE people about those mistakes. That makes EVERYONE'S lives more dangerous – not just from the risk of FLYING BULLETS, but because it will DRY UP the sources of INFORMATION that the police and security services need in order to stop things before it is too late!

A police force that makes mistakes – and mistakes WERE made – is not protecting London as well as a police force that gets things right. And a police force that is IN DENIAL about those mistakes will make them again and again.

Someone DIED, and we have not been told how it went so wrong. We need to know what it was and we need to know that it was FIXED.

  • Why was the building only being watched by one officer? Even the most bumbling spy knows that you need AT LEAST two observers in case one gets "caught short" – which is EXACTLY what happened!
  • Why was Mr de Menezes not stopped before getting on a bus? Or onto a second bus? Or before entering the tube? Apparently the police were waiting for the armed officers – or, more accurately, the MORE HEAVILY armed officers – but why did they not know those officers would arrive too late? Does this not mean that the police allowed a person THEY BELIEVED to be a terrorist to REACH his TARGET?
  • Why is it possible to get to a situation where armed officers respond on a shoot-to-kill basis against a man they can clearly see is restrained APPARENTLY without anyone instructing them to? Is it not EXTREMELY DANGEROUS to wind armed men up to a height of terror and then let them go running into a crowded tube? Pumped on ADRENALINE they nearly shot one of the surveillance officers too.
  • Why did Sir Ian give out misleading statements at his press conference? Who briefed him? Did no one tell him his briefs were on fire? Did they have direct knowledge of the incident? Didn't he CHECK with someone who did? And why didn't THEY tell him the truth?
  • And why did the defence go to seemingly ANY lengths – distorting photographic evidence, character assassination (Traces of cocaine alleged to be in his system? Hey, he was only a druggie!) – to try and avoid a guilty verdict?
The police have NOT answered these questions. Instead they have DENIED getting things wrong and denied that they endangered the public, even though one member of the public was very obviously endangered TO DEATH.

On the CRUDEST LEVEL, Sir Ian's decisions – including the decision to contest this case – have cost the London taxpayers over half a million pounds because he wouldn't accept that mistakes had been made.

Mr Mayor Ken makes more excuses:

"Police officers operated against suicide bombers in conditions of extreme danger – and subject to strains – both of risk to themselves and of their desire to safeguard Londoners lives, that no one not in their position can understand."

But that is FLIM FLAM trying to distract us from the point. NO ONE is blaming the firearms officers. They were placed in a position there they believed they were "in conditions of extreme danger" and they did their job. But who put them there and why did they genuinely believe they were in danger? Because that belief is what killed an innocent man.

In a case, ANY case where lethal force is thought to be necessary, there MUST be someone who is responsible. If there isn't, then bullets will end up flying at random and people will get killed. There has GOT to be something wrong with a system that allows that to happen. And the person responsible HAS GOT TO BE the man at the top who – ultimately – is in charge of the operations and systems and procedures.

You might think that that is not fair – making one person be responsible for a decision, a decision that could cost them their JOB. Well, it cost someone his LIFE.


But do not have NIGHTMARES! This is, thankfully – and as the Judge pointed out – a very RARE incident. How many times have the police wrongly shot a suspected terrorist? Only Mr de Menezes. And the Forest Gate incident.

And just remember how many times they have shot a GENUINE terrorist in that time… oh.

Day 2495: Spooky!

Halloween:


A new report from the Competition Commission:

"No, no, no, Mr Beelzebub is not in the classical sense EVIL. Yes, we admit that there may be SOME technical concerns about restrictive practice involved in the selling of souls business… And we're not COMPLETELY happy with everything that is going on between the Prince of Darkness and his minions in the National Farmers' Union, viz use of red-hot pitch-forks… And we MAY have to consider requiring him to release to other demons some of the 'land bank' that he has built up in the property of 'Hell'… But there is no doubt that the public are getting the very best quality of service in provision of maleficium.

"On the whole, people are getting the devil that they desire."

Well, no, they are just getting the devil that they DESERVE.


PS

Boo!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Day 2494: Vince Versus the King

Tuesday:


Well done to Mr Power Cable for turning down a slap up banquet in honour of King of the Sauds, King Ablutions.

I have to say, it was a bit of a CHEEK of his rude royal richness to have a go at Great Britain for not doing enough to combat terrorism, when a great many more terrorists appear to come from his country than from ours. (No need to mention the nationality of the World's Official Number-One Nutter and Winner of the "Which Cave Shall I Hide In" Award for the last four years running.)

Saudi Arabia is the sort of country that gives MEDIEVAL DESPOTISM a BAD NAME. There are times when it seem like half the radical groups in the Middle East were radicalised because of the extreme oppression of people in Arabia… and that the OTHER half were radicalised by militant manuals funded by the Saudi Government!

(The ultra-conservative Wahhadi brand of Islam that the Saudi Government is pushing seeks principally to turn the clock back to the Time of the Prophet, preaching that the religion has been corrupted by undesirable innovations and modern materialist cultural influences. That means US by the way. Mind you, they don't seem to mind such modern materialist cultural influences as receiving squillions of oil-dollars in ready cash.)

Their RECORD on human rights can be found in the HORROR MOVIE THEMES section, and we still do not know whether they were taking ILLEGAL BRIBES from BAE… largely because they BLACKMAILED the British Government with the threat of no more co-operation on terrorism if we didn't quietly drop it. Remember: Corruption is a CRIME unless, apparently, the Prime Monster decides he'd rather it wasn't.


HILARIOUSLY, Conservatory MP Mr Daniel Kawczynski has tabled a motion condemning Mr Power Cable's Condemnation!

Presumably Mr Kamikaze is not doing this to get some CHEAP PUBLICITY but to register his profound support for the torturing, murdering, blackmailing, bribe-taking, anti-democratic, anti-gay-daddy and profoundly misogynist backwards barbaric regime. Although, come to think of it, the cheap publicity stunt option would actually make him look less of a BERK.

I DO look forward to hearing Mr Balloon give him his FULL SUPPORT.



PS

Today was Daddy Alex's birthday, so we had a party to which King Ablutions was NOT invited!

Featured on Liberal Democrat Voice

Day 2493: THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES: Warriors of Kudlak

Monday:


Warriors of the Kudlak… no, it is NOT about the Liberal Leadership candidates getting into a FIGHT CLUB situation, it is more good fun from Sarah Jane Smith. As always, Daddy Richard has the review, and spoilers may follow…

With a title that is reminiscent of the first ever Tomorrow People story, "Slaves of Jedekiah" and a plot looking superficially similar to Jac Rainer's early ninth Doctor novel "Winner Takes All", you might worry that Sarah Jane was heading into a hole, but fortunately this third story is a lot better than that.

Children are disappearing and Sarah traces the connection to the local Combat 3000 game. Meanwhile, Luke has been having difficulty fitting in, finding humour, slang and play all rather difficult to grasp: as part of his education, Clyde takes him along to the Combat 3000 to try it out.

The actual plot – and the two storylines come together quite naturally, since the people that Sarah is investigating are actively trying to get hold of kids like Luke and Clyde – the actual plot is very traditional, even predictable. Yes, it's aliens; yes, they are recruiting humans for a distant war in space; yes, it's because we're just so good at it. There is one twist, which is fairly easy to spot, before we're home in time for tea. But it is solidly done, the characters are all engagingly three-dimensional – whether it's the computer nerds or the slimy human collaborator or even General Kudlak himself, they all feel real.

What's good about this is the way that we see Sarah actually at work, rather than investigating something that the children bring to her. She's clearly got an eye for spotting the strange and unusual and, although she denies being a conspiracy theorist, she is also clearly delighted when it turns out that aliens are involved.

There is a beautiful scene in part one which owes a great deal to Kate Bush's "Cloudbusting", in particular the video (which itself is oddly reminiscent of Doctor Who) – a debt that author Philip Gladwin happily acknowledges. Sarah and Maria build a device out of alien spares in order to investigate a mysterious momentary storm. The resulting machine is charming and preposterous and rather like the TARDIS, particularly thanks to the bicycle pump that Sarah uses to get it going.

It's great to see Sarah clearly putting to use the techniques that she has picked up initially from the Doctor (though she's clearly not stopped learning over the years, and K-9s Mark III and IV no doubt helped too). The reference to UNIT training is nice, but slightly odd as Sarah was never officially a member of UNIT – unless Harry persuaded her to join up after the Doctor left her behind.

There are several good moments for Maria too – the best being her improvisation when she and Sarah are caught red-handed raiding the Combat 3000 offices. Sarah passes her off as her "work experience girl" and Maria winsomely adds "it was this or building work". She also gets to save Sarah's life with a cleverly set up Chekhov's gun.

The other side of the plot sees Sarah's adopted son Luke continuing to develop along his own Pinocchio/Mr Data path of discovery about what it means to be human. This week, Luke discovers a couple of aptitudes: he's able to make people laugh by coining a nickname for a classmate, and his Bane-programmed superior physical design makes him rather good at the Laser tag wargame. It's interesting to see that in both cases, his initial delight at getting something right turns sour on him. Of course, unlike STNG's Data, Luke does have feelings; in particular, he is hurt when he gets things wrong, and wracked with guilt when he causes, unintentionally, pain to schoolfriend Lance. This "heart on his sleeve" trait makes him both more sympathetic as a character and more empathetic of the target teen audience who – I remember – will likewise be feeling their emotions bigger and harder than reality allows.

Part two sees Luke and Clyde kidnapped by teleport to Kudlak's waiting ship in orbit, leading to some more rather good special effects – the spaceship is nicely designed in a chunky Stargate-ish way, and there is a gorgeous (if predictable) view of Earth from space looking out of a porthole. In what must be a rather charming nod to the Big Finish Sarah Jane audios, it is suggested that Sarah might steal a space shuttle, in order to rescue the boys, though it turns out that blackmailing Kudlak's odious human sidekick Mr Grantham proves more effective.

Here the theme of games as preparation for war is repeated, with the kidnapped children thinking that they are escaping only for it to turn out (not once but twice) to be another trial. Thus the sinister side to play – it's not heavily dwelt on – mirrors the darker side to jokes, which Luke discovered earlier.

Ostensibly the "villain" of the piece is chief kidnapper General Kudlak. The well-structured script gives us the easy view of him as alien monster first before carefully rounding him out, to reveal apparently a noble but still vicious military tradition which is then further shaded to uncover the lonely alien underneath, cut off from his people and his war against the Malakh. (Which is interesting, because on the one hand that's Hebrew for "angel" but on the other hand that's Mad Larry-speak for fallen Time Lord ) Ultimately, he's transformed into a sympathetic figure, for all that he's done terrible things, and that's a sign of quality drama.

Even his computer isn't "mad" in the traditional sense, just living up to its badly programmed commands.

The Kudlak costume is jolly good, too, nicely insectoid with an appropriate Samurai feel to his robe – and reused in best Sontaran fashion as the Mistress and the Emperor and any other passing members of the Uvodni race, all played (you'll be unsurprised to learn) by the "man-of-a-thousand-bodies", the lovely Paul Kasey.

So the traditional plot, rather than being over familiar, becomes a comfortable setting in which to showcase some beautiful and startling imagery and some interesting and thought-provoking character work.


Next week: Yes, that's Jane Asher baking up trouble, a sinister seer is haunting our heroes and someone seems to have vanished from the gingerbread house… Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane Smith?


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Day 2492: Victory for the Elephant!

Sunday:


Okay, ACTUALLY it this photo news story that an ELEPHANT has won a top photographic award, but it looks like FUN doesn't it! I must melt down all of Daddies' CHOCOLATE supplies to see if I can RECREATE this image!

In other news, a scientist has scanned the Mona Lisa's eyebrows only to discover the words "THIS IS A FAKE" written on the canvass in felt tip!


Word of the Day: Clams!