Day 2717: Irises are Poisonous / Spliffs make you Stupid / Heinz in the Soup

Good news for any gay daddies fearing repatriation to the Theocratic Nuthouse of Iran!

According to the Hopeless Secretary, Ms Jacquie Spliff, there is NO DANGER of being executed to death by the religious police, so long as you remember to STAY DISCREETLY IN THE CLOSEST.

Clearly, the 145 people since 1979 who HAVE been murdered by the Revolutionary Iranian State for the so-called "crime" of being gay must be just KICKING themselves for overlooking this simple precaution. Or they would be if they weren't totally DEAD!

Only a cynical person could suspect Ms Spliff of looking for LOOPHOLES in the ban on deporting people to places where they might get killed.

On the other fluffy foot, she might just be being incurably THICK!


Meanwhile, this reminds me that, a little while ago, Ms Jennie asked me to look into a story from Northern Ireland, reported in the Pink News and picked up by Liberal Conspiracy about Ms Iris "Poisonous" Robinson.

Poison-Iris is the wife of the first minister of Northern Ireland, and holds down two jobs, being both a Member of Parliament AND a Member of the Northern Ireland Assembly (except on days when she is suspended for using "unparliamentarily language") for Strangleford. This doesn't keep her too busy to be a born again Christian as well, though.

Now – remembering that I am a militant atheist baby elephant and may have got this wrong – I seem to recall a story that according to the Bible was told by Mr Jesus. It was about a Good Samaritan. The Samaritans were a tribe of people who were at odds with the Jews and had different religious beliefs. Nevertheless, when the Good Samaritan discovered a Jewish person beaten up in the road, he did all he could to help the victim, in spite of their differences.

Funnily enough, this story is about someone who got beaten up too: Mr Stephen Scott, who was a victim of a QUEER-BASHING. And did Poison-Iris do all she could to help… well, no. She said that Mr Scott should try and get cured of being gay.

"I have a very lovely psychiatrist who works with me in my offices and his Christian background is that he tries to help homosexuals trying to turn away from what they are engaged in.

"And I have met people who have turned around to become heterosexual."

Well, firstly he's NOT a "lovely psychiatrist" because psychiatrists do NOT say that being a gay daddy is a disorder and so wouldn't try to cure you. In fact, the Royal College of Psychiatrists EXPLICITLY says that it is NOT a disorder. Which means that this person is a FRAUD, passing himself off as a psychiatrist.

And second, although there is no reason to think that something as FLUID as a person's orientation could not change over time, and BISEXUALITY might express itself more strongly one way and then another, you almost certainly HAVEN'T met anyone who's "turned around to become heterosexual", and more likely have met some SERIOUSLY UNHAPPY people with a whole load of unnecessary guilt complexes and a complete absence of a healthy sex life.

Poison-Iris says that homosexuality makes her "sick" and "nauseous". It sounds like SHE is the one who needs a CURE!

Nor is this a ONE-OFF, as her interjection in the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Debate shows.

"Can she [the Minister] envisage, down the road, a child going to primary school and being collected by two females or two males, and the bullying and abuse to which those children will be exposed…"

And why would they BE bullied? Surely only because prejudice is being perpetuated by lady-harpies like Poison-Iris.

"…or going into their parents' bedroom, as is natural for a child to do, and finding two women or two men making love?"

And that would cause just as much blushing all round as if it was one man and one woman. Or one man or one woman on their own. And what do you mean it's NATURAL to walk in on your daddies' bedroom without asking? How RUDE! Besides, I am fairly sure that the technology of LOCKABLE DOORS has reached Northern Ireland… are the members of the Deeply Unpleasant Party just a bit BACKWARDS?

And THIS LADY, dear readers, is one of the NINE VOTES that the Government relied upon to get detention without trial thorough the House of Commons.


Mr Scott, now TWICE a victim after his mugging and then mugging again by Poison-Iris, had previously taken an OVERDOSE because he couldn't cope with being gay. How did Poison-Iris help him? He said that her remarks had made his life "hell".

Apparently more than one-hundred people have reported Poison-Iris to the police for her remarks. So now, the police are to investigate whether she has committed a HATE CRIME.


And speaking of COMPLAINTS, apparently more than TWO-hundred people found the following TOO SHOCKING to show to children… even though mayonnaise adverts are SO PERVERSE (oh, apparently it's the high sugar, salt and fat content) that they are ALREADY banned from being shown to children.

So here are some men kissing to cheer everybody up!