...a blog by Richard Flowers

Friday, August 25, 2006

Day 2053: Pluto A-Go-Go



No sooner do I write a diary explaining why there are now TWELVE planets in the Solar System than POOF! Four of them DISAPPEAR again.

(Thank you to Mr Will for pointing this out; and thank you VERY much to the International Astronomical Union for chucking them out in the first place.)

This is as bad as DOCTOR WHO! The planets Vulcan, Mondas, Voga and possibly Telos (if that is "planet 14") all do appearing and disappearing acts. Not to mention the mysterious "Planet 5", which is Time Looped by the Time Lords. Oh, and the Moon, too!

All of this puts Little England's IMMIGRATION problems into perspective, I think you will find!

Over the last couple of years a lot of people from the East of Europe have decided that they would like to come and work in the West of Europe.

Mostly they have come from Poland, which is a lovely country but has entirely too much BEETROOT in it's cuisine for my taste, and this is probably why they have all chosen to come here.

(Actually, if they were looking for better cooking, then they ought to have gone to France or Belgium, but those countries are not letting them in!)

At the same time, there has been an announcement from Mrs Ruth Kelly who is the person who does all the things that the Minister for Magical Accidents is still being paid for. Mrs Ruth is also a member of secret cult OPUS DAVE, which I was sure was something to do with Mr Balloon… perhaps she is a secret CONSERVATORY. No, wait, she is in Lord Blairimort's cabinet – there is nothing secret about it.

Anyway, Mrs Opus has said that there must be a BIG debate about "ethnic tensions" which is NOT that bit at the back of your ankles (that is your Achilles Tensions) but in fact is about people not getting on with people.

"We must look for ways for people to get to know their neighbours and to stop people feeling a sense of 'separateness'," said Mrs Opus seated on the far side of her very big desk.

"We must look at all aspects of what keeps our cultures apart," she added, "while obviously ruling out any examination of whether sending children to schools based on their faith might in any way keep cultures apart."

You must not think that the Labour are buying votes with faith schools: they are TRYING to but it won't work.

I think that it is a VERY GOOD THING that all of these people have chosen to come here and do jobs that need doing. It will help lots of companies in our country that need workers – in fact the most worrying thing would be what would happen if there WEREN'T people coming to do all the jobs that need doing.

This current period of immigration will also help to spread prosperity to the former Eastern Bloc. By coming here to earn more money than they could back home, many people will set themselves up for when they return to have a better life. And if they make their own countries more prosperous then there will eventually be more people for us to trade with and more jobs overall!

I think that given all the trouble that the people of these countries have gone to in order to join the European Club of Nations it is only fair that we let them have the benefits too. After all, that is the BEST thing about the Union. It helps to spread the things that we think are GOOD IDEAS by letting people see that there are good results from doing things this way and giving them the opportunity to choose to join in.

We have a RESPONSIBILITY to these people that we have encouraged to join. That is the sort of thing that you might expect Mr Balloon to include in his "responsibility revolution" – although funnily enough, he doesn't.

The thing to remember is that all of us are a part of the community together, regardless of where our great-grandparents were born. And we have a RESPONSIBILITY to all of our communities too. (Funnily enough, Mr Balloon does not seem to mention that either.)

As usual, the Liberal Democrats are the ones who have something to say, and Mr Clogg our spokesperson on home affairs has laid out the problem.

We need to persuade the people of France and Belgium to SHARE their lovely cooking with the people of Poland so that they will never have to look another beetroot in the eye again!

Still, it could be worse, at least Poland hasn't gone POOF the way Pluto has!


Tristan said...

There's a big fight brewing amongst astronomers. Some are very angry that pluto is not a planet so they're trying to make it one again...

I just hope it doesn't get violent, telescopes could be quite dangerous when used in anger...

Pink Dog said...

I like beetroot. Helps keep the colour in my ears.