...a blog by Richard Flowers

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Day 2036: Terminate This


Lord Blairimort has made every effort to break the fourth wall this week. First while travelling to America to suck up to Australian Media Tycoon, Roger Stavro Mordick, he announces that "political cross-dressing is rife".

Then he goes on to dress himself as a "green" while auditioning for a role in The Terminator Four (Destroy All Public Services).

Presumably, he intends his incarnation of the killer cyborg to be some kind of TRANSFORMER!

After Megatron and Unicron, meet POODLE-NEO-CON! The dog that doesn't bark in the night!

Poodle-neo-con comes with a CHOICE of accessories: interchangeable "Imperialist Running Dog Face" and "Obedient Lapdog Face"; fully poseable position papers available for any occasion; weapons supplied direct to the Middle East; spine not included.

See how he swiftly transforms from one position to another: first saying he will delay his holiday because the international crisis is too important for him to leave, then jetting off on holiday because the international crisis will, er, be solved soon!

(Also available: CHAMELEON-I-CON (Blue-bot In Disguise): transforms into POODLE-NEO-CON and, er, doesn't transform back. Other INACTION figures sold separately.)

Still, good news for Lord Blairimort comes from Mrs Tessa Jowell: at least he is not isolated in his own cabinet.

They all hate him; he hates all of them. So they are AGREED about that, at least!

BIZARRELY, some people think that it is GOOD when we keep Lord Blairimort in charge because it means that the country is not being run by the Minister for Magical Accidents.

Is this not like saying "we would rather have a CROCODILE in charge because it maybe a lying murderous double-crossing creep of a reptile, but that hippo is STUPID!"

Give me fluffy strength!

The Magical Minister may be GHASTLY and AWFUL, but at least he is ONLY ghastly and awful in his usual, bumbling, small-minded, small-scale sort of a way. He may be incompetent, but on the PLUS side, that means he DOESN'T know how much DAMAGE he could do if he really tried!

It takes Lord Blairimort's special kind of competence to make a Middle East crisis EVEN WORSE by doing nothing whatsoever. It is a kind of ANTI-ZEN!

Let us hope that we soon find a way of transforming him into the DUSTBIN OF HISTORY!

No comments: