Monday:
Hello Pope-pickers and welcome to "Top of the Nots" with the all new Vatican Hit List.
Der dahh dahh de de derrr…
At seven… it's out with "Lust" and in with "Violation of fundamental rights of human nature": catchy title, crazy sin! Call me cynical but this just sounds like a scratch mix of the old tune "no to abortion, no to gay marriage" covered with a crude sample of fundamental rights to mean the exact opposite. Never mind freedom of the individual… burn, baby, burn!
At six… it's a new entry for "Morally debatable experiments". Seems a bit harsh to roast in hell for eternity if the experiment was "debatable" to me, but that's the Pope for you – his idea of a debate means you listen when he excommunicates you.
At five… it's a rise of one place for "Gluttony", now trading under the name of "Drug trafficking and consumption". But when cannabis brownies are less harmful than communion wine which drugs? Harder to argue with heroin, though, but it does seem to put the sinners though hell in this world without waiting for the next. What happened to Christian Compassion?
At four… turning the Old Testament number two "Envy" on its head we have a new entry for "Inflicting poverty". This also knocks old "Sloth" out of the charts; I guess we just couldn't be bothered to keep that one in, eh! And there's no place in the new list for the one sin I really would call DEADLY: "Anger" – I guess that doing violence against people (unless it's economic violence) just isn't sexy any more.
At three… it's another riser, up two places for the old classic "Avarice" with "Accumulating excessive wealth". Of course all those old sins always had the loophole of "excessive" built in – love is good, but too much love (of food, or money or other people) is BAAAAD because apparently it's taking away your love for Mr God. So, excessive love of imaginary friends then, where does that go?
Moving on…
At two… falling this week, it's a cover version of "Playing God" for the old-time "Pride" with "Genetic manipulation" showing that once again the ol' Mother Church is setting her face against progress in Science.
But that means we have a new number one and it's…
At one… a new entry for Gaia and the sin of "Environmental pollution". Never let it be said that the Catholics can't spot a new band (wagon)!
So there you have it, hipsters, a new top seven and a new number one.
Those old sins lasted for a thousand years; will anyone remember the new ones in a week? Tune in again next time to find out, PLUS hear if there's be a new entry for Richard Dawkins and the Doubters with "Ain't Necessarily So"!
…der dahh dahh de de derrr… dum dum dum derrrrrr.
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