Day 4063: Without a Prayer

Wednesday:

Lady Insider Warsi and definitely-not-a-lady Eric Pickled and man-in-a-frock (or is he a lady?) Mr Lord Canary all rush to the defence of the poor Christians who are being oppressed by a court ruling that no they cannot use the council agenda to COMPEL non-Christians to attend prayers. Shockingly, if they want to talk to their invisible friend they are completely free to do so so long as they do it in their own time and don't make other people join in. In her Valentine to Mr the Pope, Lady Warsi said this was up there with the invasion of Poland. Someone should have reminded her to not mention the War.

And THEN Mrs the Queen barrels in, reminding us all how LUCKY we are to have an established Church to defend the rights of anyone who wants to believe in religion. 'Cos I'm SURE that's how it works, and I for one look forward to seeing Brenda standing up for someone's right to conduct a black mass...

Warsi
Pickled
Canary
Council
Queen

From Blogger Pictures

Day 2663: Mr Frown versus The Pope

Wednesday:


To Amercialand to watch the World Heavyweight contest to see who can be the STEAMINGEST hypocrite.

In the BROWN corner: the Right Honourable Mr Frown, Prime Monster of Great Britain, justly proud of his record on tackling POVERTY by increasing TAX on the lowest paid workers.

But in the WASHES WHITER corner: His Holiness Mr Pope Benelin* née Rottweiler, Bishop of Rome, Head of the Inquisition and Junior Nazi League Come Dancing Champion 1944, SPECTACULARLY claiming that his lot are responsible for human rights.

In 1215 AD, Mr Pope Innocent III took just ten weeks to annul MAGNA CARTA.

It's all very well saying that Magna Carta was mostly about the rights of Barons in castles and Knights in suits of armour, but nevertheless it was the very FIRST time that anyone anywhere had established the principle that the STATE (in the then person of Mr the King) had to obey the law too.

And THAT is where all human rights COME FROM.

But it's not all ANCIENT HISTORY for Mr Pope Benelin, who spent twenty years being the previous Pope's ENFORCER as head of the "Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith", ruling with a ROD of IRON (although no longer the RED-HOT PINCERS of PERSUASION).

There he expressed such LOVING and GENTLY-BENEVOLENT opinions as the "inclinations" of Gay Daddies being "a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil"; or voting for candidates with a permissive stance towards abortion would be "cooperating in evil"; or that issuing of condoms as part of an anti-AIDS campaign "would result in at least the facilitation of evil".

This reminds me of the MAD LADY on the radio, writer for the Catholic Time Ms Joanna Boggling, who claimed that society sexually abuses all of us, equating availability of condoms and education about "that sort of thing" to the abuse scandals within the Catholic Church.

Yeeeees, slightly different there, madam: one is about informing and empowering; the other is about taking power away. Might want to make sure you don't confuse those two.

Ms Boggling was responding to the news that Mr the Pope had met with victims of his clergy's abuse.

He called the scandal a "deep shame" and "gravely immoral behaviour". Which is lovely compassion from the man who tried to have it all hushed up.



Naturally, Mr the Pope won the big fight after Mr Frown performed an unnecessary U-TURN and tripped over his own laces.


*Benelin: nasty medicine that tastes sickly-sweet. May cause drowsiness.

Day 2626: New Seven Deadly Sins

Monday:


Hello Pope-pickers and welcome to "Top of the Nots" with the all new Vatican Hit List.

Der dahh dahh de de derrr…

At seven… it's out with "Lust" and in with "Violation of fundamental rights of human nature": catchy title, crazy sin! Call me cynical but this just sounds like a scratch mix of the old tune "no to abortion, no to gay marriage" covered with a crude sample of fundamental rights to mean the exact opposite. Never mind freedom of the individual… burn, baby, burn!

At six… it's a new entry for "Morally debatable experiments". Seems a bit harsh to roast in hell for eternity if the experiment was "debatable" to me, but that's the Pope for you – his idea of a debate means you listen when he excommunicates you.

At five… it's a rise of one place for "Gluttony", now trading under the name of "Drug trafficking and consumption". But when cannabis brownies are less harmful than communion wine which drugs? Harder to argue with heroin, though, but it does seem to put the sinners though hell in this world without waiting for the next. What happened to Christian Compassion?

At four… turning the Old Testament number two "Envy" on its head we have a new entry for "Inflicting poverty". This also knocks old "Sloth" out of the charts; I guess we just couldn't be bothered to keep that one in, eh! And there's no place in the new list for the one sin I really would call DEADLY: "Anger" – I guess that doing violence against people (unless it's economic violence) just isn't sexy any more.

At three… it's another riser, up two places for the old classic "Avarice" with "Accumulating excessive wealth". Of course all those old sins always had the loophole of "excessive" built in – love is good, but too much love (of food, or money or other people) is BAAAAD because apparently it's taking away your love for Mr God. So, excessive love of imaginary friends then, where does that go?

Moving on…

At two… falling this week, it's a cover version of "Playing God" for the old-time "Pride" with "Genetic manipulation" showing that once again the ol' Mother Church is setting her face against progress in Science.

But that means we have a new number one and it's…

At one… a new entry for Gaia and the sin of "Environmental pollution". Never let it be said that the Catholics can't spot a new band (wagon)!

So there you have it, hipsters, a new top seven and a new number one.

Those old sins lasted for a thousand years; will anyone remember the new ones in a week? Tune in again next time to find out, PLUS hear if there's be a new entry for Richard Dawkins and the Doubters with "Ain't Necessarily So"!


…der dahh dahh de de derrr… dum dum dum derrrrrr.