Day 2349: Bungs for Bandar

Thursday:


Do you remember how Lord Blairimort ordered the SERIOUS FRAUD OFFICE to stop investigating the deal where we sell a whole load of hi-tech fighter jets to an unstable Middle-Eastern feudal state?

Well, now the BBC's Panorama-rama-lama-lama-ding-dong Show have discovered that there MIGHT have been some SERIOUS FRAUD going on!

At the time of the police inquiry being so MYSTERIOUSLY dropped, Sir Mr the Merciless and the Liberal Democrats made QUITE A FUSS, only to get the BRUSH OFF from our "whiter than white[*]" Prime Monster.

[*] Other colours available, dirty greenbacks may be substituted for white at the management's discretion.

Now, Sir M is challenging Lord Blairimort again, this time for a PROPER explanation!


"Billions of pounds and thousands of jobs depend on this deal," was Lord Blairimort's excuse then as well as now.

Here is where we get into the nasty, dirty PRACTICAL problems. Lord Blairimort is caught in a bit of a cleft stick – and obviously, it couldn't happen to a more deserving "pretty straight kind of a guy". Here he is, trying to keep the British economy afloat[*] and, somewhat unfortunately, just about the only things that we are able to sell abroad these days are the financial services of the City of London and GUNS.

[*] subject to Mr Frown's approval

Yes, it is certainly the case that whilst TECHNICALLY agreeing to supply billions of pounds worth of the most sophisticated weaponry to one of the least stable regions of the planet and one of the least progressive governments on the planet MIGHT make us low-down, two-faced, double-dealing, no-good, rootin' tootin' ARMS DEALERS… it does at least keep us out of World Bankruptcy Court.

The fact that the Saudis are willing to pay in OIL might be quite handy too.

So, even though we would probably rather NOT be being arms dealers, you can't just switch off Britain's only functional manufacturing export industry. The Saudis rather have us over a barrel. An oil barrel, probably.

Except, on the other fluffy foot, Lord Blairimort HAS had ten years to turn the economy onto a new path. Why not try winding down the Export Credit Guarantee Scheme for Arms Dealers – that wheeze that means that even if foreign dictators turn out to be UNTRUSTWORTHY RASCALS who do not pay, then the good old British Taxpayer will still settle their bills for them. Why not try promoting new technologies so we can become world leaders in the next industrial revolution. Why not try and stick to that "ethical foreign policy" idea that Mr Rockin' Robin Cook came up with?

It is TRUE that today we rely on our "defence industry" too much to allow it to be threatened by anything so unfortunate as exposing its underhand dealings. But this is not exactly A GOOD THING, is it!

We need to say "look: it's all very well having this great big contribution to the balance of trade but it just doesn't fit with where we want to be as a nation. So we're going to make a plan that will see us reduce the support we give to this particular industry in order that we can increase the support for new industries that we as a country can be proud of."


In the meantime, we can get out our copies of "FAHRENHEIT 9/11" again and remind ourselves that this is the same PRINCE BANDAR who as Ambassador to America was such a CLOSE CHUM of the President he was even called Bandar Bush.

No wonder the Monkey-in-Chief jumped in when Lord Blairimort was asked about these REVELATIONS to say: "I'm glad I don't have to answer that!"

"Lots of help there, George," Lord Blairimort nearly didn't not say. AS ALWAYS.



Also, and in completely-unconnected-to-corruption-in-high-places news, Conservatory Lord Laidlaw has been wrapped over the knuckles for not correcting his tax exile status as he promised to do in order to get his peerage cleared by the honours committee.

GOODNESS, a Conservatory promised to do something and it turned out he was LYING!

Voters, do not let yourselves be made to look as stupid as the House of Lords Commission!