It there is one thing that really gets me in a fluffy bait it is people who are BAD LOSERS.
Two examples this week: Mr Frown (wants another go at changing the right not to be locked up without reason) and Mr Frown (wants another go at changing the right to free speech).
No one should be surprised that the Labour are DEVOUTLY convinced that they know best about everything!
In particular, they can tell who a TERRORIST is just by looking at him!
(Or indeed NOT!)
And if they say someone should be locked up, why should anyone doubt them?
So they brought legislation to the House of Commons to let them lock people up for 90 days without
Of course, they COMPLETELY FAILED to make a good case and so the House of Commons – who are after all the people who are there to represent you and me when it comes to saying "yes" or "no" to government policies – the House of Commons said: "NO! You cannot do that!"
As a COMPROMISE – and because Mr Balloon lost his bottle – the House agreed on increasing the number of days detention in custody from 14 to 28. That is four weeks to hold someone in a cell while rifling through their belongings looking for clues: it is really quite a LONG time, especially since the police would not be arresting people just at RANDOM (we would hope) but only after they have already built up a file of evidence against them.
But was this good enough for the Labour? Oh no! They know BEST remember.
So they have waited barely a year (or less: in fact the extension to 28 days was only enacted in July) before now they are trying to have another go. They are like NAUGHTY CHILDREN who PESTER their parents to try and get their way.
Mr Frown – soon to be anointed incumbent of Lord Blairimort's sacred sofa of decision making – has decided to start as he means to go on by being an utter, utter, utter… very tough person.
By a total coincidence, the Home Secretary has granted permission for a speech from the Head of MI5 (this is VERY RARE because normally she is too busy filming SPOOKS). Dame ELIZA MIND-YOUR-MANNERS-AND-HAM BULLER said: "Be afraid, be very afraid!"
By ANOTHER total coincidence, that clone of Lord Blairimort who is still somehow in charge of the police in London (good week for showing off how COMPETENT his police force is), ALSO gave a speech. He said: "Be afraid, be very afraid!"
Through this carefully co-ordinated campaign of total coincidences, Mr Frown was able to say that he entirely agreed with all right-thinking (and far-right thinking) people that it was time to create a GRAND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC…
What has brought about this AMAZING need to overrule the decision of the sovereign parliament? (Do not say: because they want to!)
Allegedly it is because of two TERROR PLOTS that were uncovered by Nice Mr Dr John. PERSONALLY!
The first is the case of the terrorist that has been convicted and sent to prison for forty years.
Actually, that seems like a case of the police GETTING THEIR MAN within the time limits allowed.
Ah ha! Say the police, but we were WITHIN SECONDS of having to release him until we found the crucial evidence.
Except, wouldn't that have been under the OLD rules – the 14-day limit rules. Or to put it another way, would that have been 14 and a bit days before you would have had to release him under the compromise new rules?
The second case is the terrorists who were going to explode aeroplanes with baby milk.
Except, again, those people were all up in court before the 28 days had elapsed (arrested 9th August; charged by 4th September).
"Neither the government nor the police have yet given any new evidence that would justify reopening the debate all over again" said Mr Clogg for the Liberal Democrats.
Which is TRUE! What the government cannot say is how long the police ARE keeping suspects for and how many they are having to release because their 28 days are up. Mainly because they are not keeping the records.
We cannot dismiss the police when they say that doing their job in the time allowed is very difficult. But that is a reason to give them more RESOURCES – more money and more officers so that they can bring more talent to bear on the investigation and do more more quickly.
It is very PECULIAR that Mr Frown and Lord Blairimort's idea of giving the police "all the support they need" is NOT to give them more resources but to give them more laws to enforce instead.
The completely ghastly leader of the (other) British Nasty Party, Mr Nick Griffin, has been found not guilty of inciting horribleness.
It seems pretty likely that Mr Griffin IS pretty horrid, but that is what we have JURIES for: we ask them to look at all of the details and listen to all of the arguments and then they decide whether someone has broken the law or not.
But was this good enough for the Labour? Oh no: they know BEST, remember!
So they brought legislation to the House of Commons to make "incitement to religious hatred" a new crime.
They pretty much decided to ban anyone from saying anything that might offend anyone else, and refused to listen to the criticisms of people like noted philosopher and moral theologian, Mr Bean.
Fortunately, Mr Bean's friend the Lord Blackadder and the rest of my chums in the good old House of Lords Club amended the bill (coo, same picture!) in order to make it less DRACONIAN – you would only commit a crime by THREATENING people, not just if you OFFENDED them. This was entirely sensible and so everyone expected that it would be thrown out by the lower house.
But when the Bill came back to the Commons, the MP's agreed with the Lords and the government was defeated!
They were defeated by exactly one vote, meaning it was rather unfortunate that Lord Blairimort had failed to turn up to cast a vote of his own.
This was only the SECOND TIME that Lord Blairimort's government had been defeated! For the FIRST time – see above!
Now, Mr Griffin was in fact tried under the OLD law, because religious discrimination wasn't against the law when he said what he was caught saying.
But that is not going to stop Mr Frown from putting freedom of speech up for another battering, and he has called for an even tougher tightening of the law.
The BBC report that Nice Mr Dr John Reid as fawningly following the Iron Chancellor saying "anythings you says, master, my precious, my precious."
Though oddly, the Grauniad describes a rift between Mr Frown and the Feared Friendly Minister of Justice, having him say: "we hates him, we hates him, we hates the master, my precious, my precious."
So no confused spinning going on THERE then!
Meanwhile, never one to keep his sticky fingers clean of a controversy, the Attorney General and man standing between Lord Blairimort and a case before the CPS, Lord Goldfinger, is to probe the gap in the law.
A griffin, incidentally, is what you get when a LION and an EAGLE have a car-crash – which seems appropriate really as Mr Griffin is definitely a CAR-CRASH.
But aren't we better off KNOWING what the Nasty Party has to say to each other, because then we can tell them that they are RUBBISH!
It really is about time we had some proper DEMOCRATIC government, where the will of Parliament actually means something and, when people disagree, Mr Frown doesn't demand to get his own way or he'll scweem and scweem and scweem until he's SICK!