...a blog by Richard Flowers

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Day 2129: The Week that Wasn't


I am SORRY for not keeping up to date with my diary.

Everything got a bit MUDDLED for a week and so it is all out of order and out of date. AGAIN. But there are still some things that I wrote down while Daddy Richard and Daddy Alex were driving up and down the road to Manchester and back.

So now I have LOADS of diaries inside Daddy's computer, just waiting for my big fluffy nose to hit the "PUBLISH POST" button.

Here we go…

Day 2129: Questions in the House


"There will have to be an Inquiry, Humphrey. We shall have to ask a lot of questions. Starting with why didn't you ask a lot of questions?"
– Prime Minister Jim Hacker
"One of Us"

It seems that a certain silliness about questions has gripped the House of Commons this week.

The Speaker of the House who is called Mr Speaker has said that Mr Balloon cannot ask who will succeed Lord Blairimort as Leader of the Labour but he can ask about who will succeed Lord Blairimort as Leader of the country.

This has caused great confusion among Lord Blairimort's backbenchers as many of them do not realise that there is a distinction.

It seems that Mr Balloon is more keen to pull POLITICAL STUNTS than to try and ask serious or important questions about the business of the day. I am sure that it is JOLLY LARKS to tweak Lord Blairimort's nose about him not really wanting Mr Frown to be Prime Minister next, but does it actually tell us anything we do not already know? Or could it be described as "Punch and Judy Politics"?

Mr Balloon has been asking this same question every week for a while now. "Boring" is clearly not a word that he learned while he was at Eton. And Lord Blairimort has clearly been getting very FED UP about having to have the same old slapstick rubbed in his face week in week out. So it was fairly obvious that SOMEONE had had Mr Mr Speaker NOBBLED!

Anyway, the attempt BACKFIRED, obviously. It is Mr Balloon's right to waste his questions at Prime Minister's Mud Wrestling Time by being smug and silly if he likes. Trying to MANIPULATE Mr Mr Speaker into throwing him off merely gave the Conservatories a lot of free headlines about their SHOCK and OUTRAGE.

The kerfuffle over this NONSENSE rather drowned out the somewhat more important news of Sir Mr the Merciless's question, and Lord Blairimort's reply that in fact his is NOT ruling out a proper inquiry into the fiasco that we call the Iraq war… in the fullness of time.

The question of whether to ask a lot of questions about how we got ourselves into such a DREADFUL MESS was also one that was troubling the House – if not, Mr Balloon – this week.

The Nationalist Parties of Wales and Scotland (not the British Nasty Party) supported by the Liberal Democrats used their debate day in the Commons to call for a proper look at how it happened and what was done and by whom.

Even though lots of the Labour MP's had said that they were opposed to the war and that they wanted an inquiry, in the end only twelve actually stood up for what they believe. Many of their comrades would have LOVED to help, but suddenly realised that they would be WASHING THEIR HAIR on the night and would not be able to vote. Happily, this COINCIDENCE means that Mr Frown might be able to find places for them in his government!

The Conservatories had managed to promise that they would support the government if there was going be an inquiry in a year's time, and also promised to support the Nationalists if there wasn't.

Some people have said that this was another POLITICAL STUNT by Mr Balloon, but this is NOT TRUE. What Mr Balloon wanted was a POLITICAL STUNT in a year's time when Lord Blairimort is already gone and it is calculated to EMBARRASS Mr Frown by making him carry the can.

Voting with the Nationalists today was just an example of Mr Balloon throwing his toys out of the pram if he cannot get his own way!

Mrs Bucket, the Caravan and Camping Secretary, stood up and said that an inquiry now would undermine the morale of our troops. I do hope that she is going to ROUNDLY CONDEMN the American Monkey-in-Chief for sending Mr Baker to, er, make an inquiry!

Still, it is IMPORTANT that Lord Blairimort and Mrs Bucket remain CLOSE to the American government – otherwise they might not know when the American Army is going to run away; THAT could leave our troops in the lurch! Good to know we're not going to be undermining their morale, anyway!

Personally, I think we should ALWAYS have an inquiry within a YEAR of starting ANY military activity. After all, if you are still there after a year then SOMETHING has obviously gone WRONG! No question.

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