...a blog by Richard Flowers

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Day 2215: THAT'S More like it, Sir Mr the Merciless


At LAST, some decent news coverage!

Sir Mr the Merciless has gone on the attack with a new rallying cry for the Liberal Democrats. Sir M thinks that it is time we had a plan to get our soldiers back from Iraq where Lord Blairimort got them into a horrible disaster.

Funnily enough, this sounds a bit FAMILIAR from the leadership contest last year: it is another policy from the BRAIN OF HEWN that has been taken up by our Imperial Leader?

This is no BAD thing! It gave Sir Mr the Merciless some much-needed PUNCH to his performance.

Combining the BRAIN OF HEWN with the CHARM OF MING might sound like a Mad Scientists recipe for a Doctor Who monster, but do not knock it – it seems to have WORKED!

Sir Mr the Merciless has more to his plan than just setting a date. (Although, as it turns out, just setting a date would be more of a plan than Lord Blairimort or the Monkey-in-Chief ever came up with!) No, Sir M has said that we should start RIGHT NOW working out the details and negotiating with the regional powers – and that enormous American army! – so that by May we can begin to leave and everyone can be home by the end of October.

Listening on the radio to Conservatory Mr Fatty Clarke and Mr Tom McNulty for the Labour, they both BASICALLY agreed that we should be pulling our troops out of Iraq. Particularly because we are going to need to send them IN to Afghanistan (now that we have remembered that we were in the middle of a job THERE when the Monkey-in-Chief decided Iraq would be more FUN). Their COMPLAINT seemed to be that setting a DATE was just HEADLINE GRABBING by the Liberal Democrats.

Oh, PARDON US for doing the job of POLITICS!

And politically this IS a clever move – by saying this, Sir Mr the Merciless is LEADING EVENTS.

There is a lot of talk from TOP ARMY TYPES at the moment that is all pointing at getting our army out of Lord Blairimort’s mess, and that probably wouldn’t happen if a STRATEGIC WITHDRAWAL sooner or later were not on the cards. Now, the government and the Conservatories are going to have to look like they are COMING ROUND to OUR POINT OF VIEW when the army inevitably forces them to face up to the reality of the situation that Lord Blairimort has dropped them in.

But, we should NOT just be doing this for the politics. It is important to ask ourselves if this is right for the people involved, not just our army but also the Iraqis.

So, is setting a date WISE?

Well, this is the TRICKY question.

It has been suggested that a date will just provoke worse attacks from the insurgents and terrorists who have taken root in Iraq thanks to our invasion. On the other fluffy foot, setting a date may also force the Iraqi government to take some responsibility for holding their own country together rather than just hiding behind the Americans. Of course, that government will probably be the first against the wall once the Americans pull out!

What IS certain, is that SOMEBODY ought to be calling for the return home of our forces – democracy is only going to work if there are at least two choices. (Yes, I know Lord Blairimort does not think that way – that is telling in itself!) As the party that said we should never go in in the first place, it seems right that we should be the ones to study the situation and say that the time has come to get out.

The important thing is that we are NOT “cutting and running” because we cannot stand the heat. We should be going if – and ONLY if – we will do most good for the Iraqi people by going. Our presence is contributing to the chaos and harm, and we are not able to stop it.

But we also need to remember that WE OWE A DEBT to the people of Iraq. After all, we helped the Americans to SMASH UP their country.

I am sure that LOTS of Iraqis are glad that NASTY Saddam Hussein is gone now, but they JUST MIGHT have preferred us not to get rid of their electricity, clean water, hospitals, roads and neighbourhoods without murderous gangs roaming the streets and ethnically cleansing them.

Much mockery was heaped upon Lord Blairimrt for refusing to defend his own government in the debate on Iraq in the House of Commons. Pulling out of Iraq now would just be running away like a cowardy custard, said Lord Blairimort… before sprinting from the chamber, running away like a cowardy custard.

Sir Mr the Merciless WAS able to corner him during question time.

What could possibly be more important than debating it?” Sir M asked.

Well, lining up my private pension deal by buttering up the CBI and avoiding taking any of the blame for all of those dead people, obviously,” is what Lord Blairimort avoided letting slip.

I’m debating it now!” is what he actually replied – before turning to the next question from another Labour quisling asking if he liked fresh flowers in the morning.

The grinning maniac is on the television as I am bashing my big nose against the keyboard, telling bald-faced fibs to Mr Jon Sopel.

He says he still thinks the world is better off without Saddam – which is the EXACT opposite of what he said the week before invading, when he said Saddam could STAY if he gave up his weapons of mass destruction. The ones it turned out Saddam did not have.

The people of Iraq don’t want a Civil War,” he says, “this is something being imposed upon them by powers outside their country.

Yes!” yells Daddy Richard. “It was YOU! You imposed this on them! You are the one to BLAME!” Daddy is starting to FROTH. “And your precious Catholic faith says you’ll burn in hell because you refuse to accept that!

I refuse to accept that…” says Lord Blairimort AT THAT PRECISE MOMENT.

Daddy’s head explodes!

I refuse to accept that people’s choice is between a secular dictator or a religious fanatic,” says Lord Blairimort. “They can have ME and combine BOTH of those qualities!

Sir Mr the Merciless is RIGHT! It is waaaay past time we were given a DATE for DEPARTURE!

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