...a blog by Richard Flowers

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Day 2208: Gordo vs Goody


Embarrassment this week for Mr Frown as he arrives for his BIG TOUR in India. “What’s that on the BARBECUE?” he asks, descending from the not-quite-yet Prime Ministerial jet.

Well, quite.

It’s about the antics of the Ceebeebies in the BIG BOTHER house, as seen on Channel Furore. This is the STORM IN A TEACUP that has swept the country this week – at least until a REAL storm swept the country and made that sort of metaphor a bit BAD TASTE. Oops!

People seem to be STRANGELY SURPRISED that if you take a load of complete strangers and treat them like the ELEPHANT MAN for a fortnight then they turn into a FREAK SHOW!

Politicians were quick to sense a FIGHT brewing… and join in!

Never one to allow a BANDWAGON to pass without hopping aboard, up popped Mr Balloon [Thatcher Thatcher Thatcher…]

Everyone has got a responsibility here,” he said, immediately leading me to the word FATUOUS in the dictionary.

Speaking as a soft toy who is not a shareholder in Channel Furore; who doesn’t work as a producer with Endemol (doesn’t that sound like a cream for sore bottoms?); and who has never watched ANY Big Bother (except for the bits that were on the BBC when Dr Who was in the house!) perhaps Mr Balloon could explain exactly HOW any of this mess is MY responsibility?

Mr Balloon couldn’t be saying that it’s everyone else’s fault so it’s certainly not his, could he?

Mr Balloon couldn’t be saying that it’s everyone else’s fault so it’s certainly not his, could he?

No, we all remember that the DOOMED TV CAREER of Mr Balloon was with ITV Digital, not Channel Furore. Yes, he worked with the sock-monkey, not with people who make REAL television.

Actually, the people who WERE taking responsibility were the SPONSORS, Carphone Warehouse, who decided “NOT IN MY NAME” would be a good slogan for them that this week.

Anyway, Mr Balloon’s not going to do anything to stop this sort of thing but he would just like to be on telly flapping his lips please. In which case, can HE apply to be on the next series? He’s got to get used to being voted out!

He continues: “There's a great regulator called the off button and I think we should use it.

I don’t know if he said anything else because at that point I REGULATED HIM!

Unfortunately, that just meant Mr Frown came back on, leading the choruses of “Burn the Witch! Burn the Witch!

Bugger MY chances of appearing statesman-like, will you!” said Mr Frown, Prime Ministerially.
And lo, did Mr Frown lead the nation into an 80% vote against racism.

(Bullying, however, is to remain accepted for the meantime.)

It would be TERRIBLY CYNICAL to say that it has been AWFULLY GOOD for the ratings, though, when 8 million people tuned in to see Jade get what was coming – a HUGE step up from the 3 million viewer last week that saw talk of the “Reality Bubble” finally bursting with people turned off in droves. Apathy is clearly FAR worse than HOSTILITY in television.

But, but, but… that is the SHORT TERM approach. How much more damage have Channel Furore done to their own brand?

A channel that relies on drawing in the smart young, left-liberal set – and the spending power of their middle-class incomes that makes them attractive to advertisers – might think it FUNNY to play to their prejudices by turning an ignorant girl into a celebrity chav. But those are the same people who are not likely to think it funny that they’ve been supporting racism, and consequently the people less likely to tune in next time.

You might think that that would be a good thing – the storm tearing down the Big Bother house. But it might just be another step on the way to Channel Furore becoming a terrestrial SKYONE – all bought in American sitcoms and dramas, anchored around the big reality show and cheap-as-chips “quiz” game. (You know the one I mean – it’s got Mr Swap Shop in it!)

Still, it certainly EVICTED Ms Tessa Jowell’s efforts to start handing over the BBC’s licence fee cash to Channel Furore as part of her plan to emasculate the corporation reinforce the public service ethic! Certainly, every time THAT idea raises its ugly head in the next ten years, the BBC should just need to play the tape of the Channel Furore man on the The Today Programme refusing to answer whether they were trying to profit out of broadcasting racism as entertainment. And then refusing to answer the question again. And again.

And again.

Fearless, independent and answerable to the public. Ah Channel Furore, what happened to you?

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