Day 3632: THIS is why we are in the Coalition, part 1 – Saving the World

Saturday:


After the disappointment of the Copenhagen Summit last year, when even President Barry O and Prime Monster Mr Frown could not wrangle a deal from the World Leaders… against pretty much ALL expectations that ANY progress could be made this year… the Climate Change Summit in Cancun has achieved a (moderate) success!

And Liberal Democrat Climate Change Secretary Mr Chris Huhney-Monster was right at the heart of the process.

Mr Huhney-Monster was proved RIGHT in his decision that it was more important to STAY and try and agree a deal than to come home to vote on Tuition Fees, in spite of Hard Labour's decision to deny him a pair for the evening of the vote. That he ending up with a pair ANYWAY was only down to another LIBERAL DEMOCRAT, and no thanks to Labour playing what can only be described as student politics.

Cancun has seen us contribute to REAL PROGRESS on IMPORTANT ISSUES for developed AND developing countries:

We've established a HUNDRED BILLION DOLLAR Green Climate Fund to help developing countries go low carbon and adapt to climate impacts. PLUS we've set up the mechanisms to help developing countries access low carbon technology, and adapt to climate change

We've agreed a deal on chopping down TREES, to slow, halt and reverse destruction of forests and to agree the rules for delivering it and for monitoring progress.

We've agreed a system for MEASURING, REPORTING and VERIFICATION – if that sounds dull just think how actually it's so important that we know how countries are living up to their promises to take action on emissions.

And ,perhaps most important, we've agreed the OBJECTIVE: to stop emissions from increasing and to limit global temperature rises to an overall target of 2 degrees.

On top of all that, Mr Huhney-Monster was personally responsible for negotiating an agreed way to continue the Kyoto Protocols for controlling CO2 emissions (give or take a couple of FUDGES to keep Russia and Japan on side).

This isn't a world-saving deal YET, but it shows the way and it shows that people can work together and WILL work together.

This last week has been dominated by arguments about how to pay for our kids' FUTURES, but with THIS DEAL we've taken BIG STRIDES towards ensuring that they have a future AT ALL.

And it's another LIBERAL DEMOCRAT policy DELIVERED.
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Day 3629: Now Labour's Opportunism Threatens Climate Change Talks

Wednesday:


Once upon a time, back when HE was Climate Change Secretary, Labour Leader Mr Potato Ed said it would be "profoundly irresponsible" to use one "mistake" as an excuse not to act.

Well, today we learn that he won't let THAT get in the way of EMBARRASSING the Liberal Democrats.

Mr Potato Ed is REFUSING to allow the Liberal Democrat Environment Secretary, Mr Chris Huhney-Monster, a "pair" for the Tuition Fees vote tomorrow. So Mr Huhney-Monster has a choice: come home from the VITAL Climate Change Summit in Cancun OR miss the vote and risk letting the Government LOSE!

This is a MASSIVE breach of protocol by Hard Labour and a really dirty trick by Mr Potato Ed.

"Pairing" is a LONG-STANDING arrangement between Government and Opposition Parties for two MPs, whose votes would otherwise cancel each other out, both to be absent. This allows Government ministers to get on with important business on behalf of the country and in return lets a Labour MP, er, get a night off*.

It's done by a formal agreement between the Whips Offices (which is just one of the reasons you can't "pair" with a rebel on your own side – never mind that if they're wound up enough TO rebel, they're hardly likely to agree to taking a stand by not being there!)

It's been used for TIGHT votes before to allow Hard Labour ministers attend important events such as – not un-coincidentally – the 2004 Higher Education Act (which you MAY recall was a bit of a tight pinch itself with seventy-one Labour rebels opposing, er, the Hard Labour Government manifesto-pledge tripling of tuition fees).

So, with the extra concessions we've won, how close IS the Tuition Fees vote?

Liberal Democrats plus Conservatories make three hundred and fifty-two of the six hundred and fifty MPs in the House of Commons. BUT the five Sinn Fein members do not take their seats, and Mr Speaker Cashcow and his three deputies do not vote either. And Hard Labour have, er, misplaced a seat because Mr Phil Woolas is a CONVICTED LIAR. So at full strength, the Liberal Democrat/Conservatory Coalition has an effective majority of EIGHTY-FOUR.

That means it needs forty-two rebels to bring the Government majority down to nothing.

There are eighteen Liberal Democrat Ministers, and Captain Clegg has announced that they will all vote FOR the Tuition Fees policy. (Or all bar one, if Mr Huhney-Monster can't make it!)

So even if ALL thirty-nine other Liberal Democrats rebel (and they aren't going to - scores on the doors from Mr Paul) PLUS the one or two Conservatory rebels vote against, that's only forty-ONE. And the Government gets a majority of TWO.

And Hard Labour themselves are ALL OVER THE PLACE on the issue of funding for higher education, with only today their Shadow Chancer being arm-twisted into performing a tarmac-melting hand-brake turn on the graduate tax, a policy that will – of course – just put the SAME burden of paying for their education on future graduates, which is why it's been referred to as "infinite tuition fees". So they will ONLY be opposing this rise in order to try and score a mythical point over the Government.


Climate Change is MORE important that Tuition Fees; even the CONSERVATORIES think so, even if Mr Potato Ed clearly doesn't. We can demonstrate we've NOT lost all our principles AND show contempt for Hard Labour's opportunism AND just squeak through!

So personally, I say Mr Huhney-Monster should skip the vote and DAMN THEIR EYES!**




*Yes, unfair. Once in a while even Mr Potato Ed must get an evening engagement too.

**Mr Blackadder says this, so it MUST by okay!
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Day 2998: Gravity of the Situation

Tuesday:


The European Space Agency have launched a new GRAVITY-MAPPING satellite called Goce.

(Not to be confused with the PASTA-mapping satellite called Gnocchi!)

Allegedly sensitive enough to measure the impact of a snowflake on a super-tanker, Goce will be on the frontline in monitoring CLIMATE CHANGE, tracking every butterfly on Earth and predicting the HURRICANES that they are going to cause… er, maybe.



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Day 2542: Bali Water-ed Down

Monday:


The Climate Summit in Bali has come to a successful outcome.

Well, successful if you count arranging for two more years of negotiation and hot air to try and come up with a REAL conclusion by the time the travelling circus gets to Denmark.

The BIG success being hailed is that the Americans, even the Americans, now accept that Global Warming is happening. Which IS a step forwards.

And yet I am strangely reminded of the Foreign Office's standard response to any crisis:

stage one: say nothing is going to happen
stage two: say something may be going to happen, but we should do nothing about it
stage three: say that maybe we should do something about it, but there's nothing we can do
stage four: say that maybe there was something we could have done, but it's too late now

Yes, Prime Minister: A Victory for Democracy

Day 2422: Joe and the Cat Monsters

Sunday:


Daddies' lunch guest on Sunday had to leave early because he was going back to feed Joe's pet cats. Joe could not feed his own cats because he was busy super-gluing himself to the front door of the Shouty Sheep People BAA.


The Camp for Climate Protest has gone off without too much of a fuss, Sunday's climax being a day of COLOURFUL PROTEST, in spite of the HYSTERICAL whinging from certain quarters that a collection of students, hippies, grannies and local residents might somehow bring about the END OF MODERN CIVILISATION. As though shutting down an airport is THAT important to civilisation. As though the Shouty Sheep People don't manage to shut THEIR OWN airports down with baggage handlers' strikes often enough.

There were SOME minor scuffles mostly involving policepeople on horses or in armour trying to batter their way into the camp, clearly intent on zealously pursuing someone for illegal flower picking or perhaps copyright infringement of one of Ms Joan Byes protest songs.

Police said "a number" (later described as "eight") of the protestors had been arrested. Using the words "a number" makes it seem much more THREATENING though – like it was worth them being there in force, outnumbering the actual protesters three-to-two.

Sombre announcements from the BBC that the protesters had "split into a number of disparate groups" (like they were slipping into their NINJA PYJAMAS ready to attack from all sides) ever so slightly overlooked the fact that they STARTED OUT as "a number of disparate groups".

Their OH-SO-CUNNING plan appeared to be to stage a SIT-IN (and other non-violent direct action) starting on SUNDAY, thus catching the policepeople and the Shouty Sheep People on the HOP. Oooh, better hope AL-FLIPPIN'-QAEDA don't get that idea.

One policeperson (name and address supplied) wrote in to the Metro to EXPLAIN the apparent OVER-THE-TOP behaviour of his or her colleagues. "What if," said the police person, "a TERRORIST had infiltrated the Peace Camp and got into a HIGHLY SENSITIVE AREA (i.e. the airport)…" (I'm not making this bit up!) "…then you'd be sorry!"

Well, I AM sorry, but I think that terrorists tend NOT to try and join up with a group of people who are not only highly colourful and very visible but are also surrounded by hundreds of police. Quite apart from avoiding bunches of people all with different politics and beliefs and agenda because they tend to STICK OUT like SORE THUMBS in that sort of environment.

Terrorists tend to prefer to keep a LOW PROFILE. In fact they would be better off sneaking into the airport another way while all the police people are looking at the Climate Camp going "ooh, look at them stinkin' 'ippies!"

Either that or to infiltrate a rigidly hierarchical organisation where it is easier to blend in AND gain greater access to secure areas. Like the police!

Before he had to go, we watched some of the news with our friend… and thought that we saw Joe! We texted him and he was fine. And so were the cats!

Day 2395: Wet, Wet, Wet

Monday:


As Mr Will has already reported, the Evening Standard decided its headline should be the HILARIOUS and NOT-AT-ALL-ALARMIST:

"Thames Floods; Prepare to FLEE!"

(Never let it be said that "The Web of Fear" was UNREALISTIC!)

As the waters rise, how have our leaders responded?

Mr Frown toured the devastation from his helicopter;

Sir Mr the Merciless returned to Hull to see what could be done to clear up after their floods;

And Mr Balloon… er… flew off to Africa leaving parts of his constituency under water.


Poor Mr Balloon, it is not like the crisis in Rwanda does not need publicising, and it is not like trade with Africa isn't a really good idea; it's not even as though Mr B didn't get his wellies on first… but if EVER there was a REALLY BAD time to stage a photo stunt in dry and sunny Africa, then THIS WAS IT.

Still, the Conservatory leader is not the only one facing STORMY WEATHER. What IS going on? Isn't global warming supposed to STOP this sort of thing?

Well, these BBC weather maps show part of the answer: our old friend, the Jet Stream, last year carrying the rains and storms north of Scotland towards Norway; this year aiming them straight at us.

Predicting the climate is difficult at the best of times; all we really know now is that it IS changing and that PEOPLE are having a BIG EFFECT. By trapping more HEAT in the system, there is more energy going around and around and so we can expect more EXTREME climate events.

The PREDICTION is that we will see DRYER summers… but more flooding in WINTER. So we should really be thinking about paying attention to the warnings.

We all pointed and stared at the Monkey in Chief when HE ignored the warnings and allowed Hurricane Katrina to obliterate New Orleans. So what's OUR excuse?

Anyway, it was raining on Saint Swithun's Day and superstitious people tell us that this is BAD NEWS – here is the map of Britain after forty days and forty nights of rain.

Does anybody have an ark?

PS

Mr Simon has got the PICTURES that I wanted! Hooray!