Day 2867: Bank of England: By "Steady as She Goes" we actually meant "PANIC! PANIC NOW"

Thursday:


The UK central bank has cut its interest rate by a THIRD, that's a one-and-a-half percent reduction from 4.5% to 3%.

The last similar reduction was a two-percentage-point cut in 1981, at the height of a RECESSION. Surely no coincidence!

In their full statement, the Bank admits that while they HAD thought that the rise in fuel and food prices would continue to push inflation up, they now realise that the complete collapse of the housing market means we'll all be living in caves and bartering with beads and necklaces by Christmas, so they may as well stuff it!

A spokesvampire for the banking industry said that the banks would be responding to the cut in base rates by increasing the cost of mortgages and tripling bonuses all round… hang on, that can't be right?!