Day 2699: Wrecking Crewe

Thursday:


Let's get one thing quite clear from the get go: the Conservatories AREN'T "back". They never went away. It's just that for the last ten years they've been called NEW LABOUR.

Lord Blairimort decided that the Labour couldn't beat the Conservatories, so he chose instead to be "The Conservatories, but NICE".

Well, Mr Balloon has got "The Conservatories, but NICE" in solid silver spades, and Mr Frown is looking distinctly NASTY PARTY.

So the result in the Crewe and Nantwich by-election isn't the start of something different. It's a vote for more of the same with FRESHER SOCKS on.


What seems almost the MOST extraordinary thing is the calls from supporters of the Labour saying "we must now set a radical agenda" or "we must rob the rich and give to the poor to prove that we care" like it's EVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

The problem with so-called "left commentators" is that they like to think that they are the "good guys". They're utterly incapable of getting their head around the fact that they supporting a nasty brutish and only if we're lucky short fag end of an authoritarian, warmongering, super-rich-rewarding, poor-taxing FREAK SHOW: a bunch of Conservatories dressed up in the undead body of the Labour Party.


But – clean footwear aside – do the OTHER Conservatories REALLY have anything to say to earn the right to step into the DEAD MAN'S SHOES?

Last night on Questionable Time, Auntie Maude was representing the Conservatories – saying it was impossible to guess what the by-election outcome might be, which suggests a certain amount of DIVORCED FROM REALITY-NESS – and a member of the audience challenged him, saying that the Conservatories had no polices.

"Well, that looks like a man who wants sending all of our policy papers…" chuckled Auntie Maude smugly "…our paper on penal reform, our paper on education and, er, er, the others as they come out…"

I am NOT KIDDING! See for yourself; it's probably still in the BBC's IP layer. (What IS a layer of IP?)

Or there's Master Gideon Oboe – did you see him at the by-election? Apparently all Conservatory MPs were told they had to visit at least three times. "I've been here four times," squeaked young Oboe, "just two more and I'll have done my three… that's right isn't it?"

In the aftermath of the results he was talking about "Mr Balloon is putting together a new ruling coalition."

Presumably we can look forward to the Conservatories, the Daleks and the Cybermen together at last.

Mr Balloon is calling it the "end of New Labour" which might be a BIT previous, what with there being two years until Mr Frown ACTUALLY loses the next general election. What's MR Balloon going to say THEN? "This is the end of New Labour… er, again!" probably.

It's NOT the end, it's not even the BEGINNING of the end, it's a bit somewhere in the middle that you're going to leave on the side because it's not very nice.

Governments have recovered from WORSE foot-in-mouths that this. It's just that the Labour do not seem to know how or even to WANT to!




How did WE do? Well, obviously we didn't WIN. Our vote was down from the general election, but we weren't squeezed to irrelevance.

Our candidate was Ms Elizabeth Shenton and she did jolly well to keep up our support AND stand up to some bullying from the BBC's Mr Paxo in a Newsnight debate, having a go at her about being "parachuted in".

Oh, I know it's espirit d'escalier but I DID think of a better answer. Ms Elizabeth SHOULD have said:

"Well, Mr Paxo, the local party selected me to fight this campaign. Why were YOU parachuted in? Aren't the local BBC journalists good enough?"