According to the EXPERTS, Great Britain has NOT been visited by ALIENS.
Which somehow FAILS to explain what PLANET Mr Frown is living on!
As with last year, Mr Frown's commitment to open government extends to sharing with us the Parliamentary Bills (or "Ragbag Proposals" according to Mr Clogg) that we are going to get
Mr Balloon claims that all these bills are STOLEN from his secret stack of policies that he's not telling us. And that's not a surprise: there's no substance here at all.
The full list contains eighteen proposed bills, but as with the summer television schedules, there are a whole lot of REPEATS.
In particular, Welfare Reform (make the scroungers do more courses), Crime and Policing (more ASBOs for binge drinkers) and Transport security (terrorism at airports) all sound VERY familiar.
And similarly, the Education Bill and Health Bill will be more of the same tinkering, with "access to information" meaning more tests and "control of budgets" meaning more targets. Mr Balloon was VERY keen to claim that all of this "rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic" is exactly what the Conservatories would do too. Which just goes to show how empty of plans he is too.
Meanwhile the Coroners Bill is clearly going to be yet another go at robbing powers from our ancient justice system to stop an uppity judiciary daring to argue when the Government does something a bit wrong like getting hundreds of our soldiers killed.
And, in a prelude to the DOG-WHISTLE tactics that the Labour have adopted for the Crewe and Nantwich by-election, there will be more Immigration legislation, in order to set up the already-set-up UK Boarders Authority and (we can but presume) give them the power to BARCODE everyone who comes into the country.
The MEATY part of the proposed policies was, naturally, REACTING to EVENTS, and NOT LEADING them.
Proposals for new Banking Regulation, (which obviously won't work because Mr Frown isn't going to pay for any inspectors to ENFORCE it), were obviously inspired by the whole Northern Rock/toilet interface fiasco. And a Saving Scheme (for people without any money to save) is obviously a half-decade-too-late response to the whole economy being run on the never-never.
Offering £200 million to buy at a knock down rate the homes of people who can't sell them in order to rent them out to people who can't afford to buy, is clearly a
It also even manages to seem a bit PALTRY when you remember that: (a) average house prices are still over £200,000 – so Mr Frown's largess amounts to, er, a thousand houses; and (b) Sooty dropped £2.7 BILLION on the economy the day before.
Don't get excited about the Constitutional Reform Bill, though: it's just formalising the superficial re-arrangements that Mr Frown has already decided upon, like letting MPs vote on invading Middle Eastern countries on flimsy to false prospectuses.
Speaking of which, we will apparently also be ratifying the Third Geneva Convention. Just so you know when we next help the Monkey-in-Chief to BREAK IT!
PS:Actually, you are probably MUCH more interested in the "British X Files" which have been opened, revealing our pictures of UFOs.
Or possibly not.
Expert opinion: it's all twaddle!
Which brings me back to Mr Frown's Queen's Speech…