Tuesday:
Our new Home Secretay, Ms Jacqui Spliff[*], has decided to allow the police to use road cameras to track our EVERY WAKING MOVEMENT!
This is of course only a temporary measure… until they can fit us all with GPS trackers in our HEADS to monitor everything we are THINKING too!
Ms Spliff gave us the USUAL excuse, TELLING us that this is because we are facing an "UNPRECEDENTED" threat from terrorists.
Now I thought that everyone was pretty much agreed that the lastest bunch of terrorists to crawl out of the woodwork were actually PRETTY RUBBISH. They are only "UNPRECEDENTED" in how BAD they are at exploding things, particularly when you compare them to the villains of the old IRA who regularly used to blow up large buildings like the Baltic Exchange in the City or South Quay on the Isle of Dogs. I do not mean to downplay the threat here, but we do appear to be facing people who cannot explode a car when it is ALREADY ON FIRE!
Under the circumstances do we REALLY want to be abandoning our liberty to drive where we want without the state taking a PRURIENT interest?
But ANYWAY, this document that the Home Office let slip is about giving the police powers to use the cameras to follow ANYONE they suspect of doing anything criminal. i.e. anyone who looks that them funny. So does this mean that they're going to start tracking people who break the speed limit? Double park? Commit DWB, as the Americans put it? You could find yourself a part of almost any criminal investigation just because you happened to be driving past.
And that's without mentioning those people who might have reasons to WANT a bit of privacy – say, because they are on their way to visit their CANNABIS DEALER!
[*] Yes, and so did Mr Ruth Kelly and Mr Alistair Eyebrow-hair Darling – bet you never thought THEY would be INTERESTING!
In other news, Anne the Elephant, Britain's last touring elephant, has been banned from performing.
She is reported to be "disappointed" that she will no longer be being fired from a cannon into the audience…
Who needs drugs when we have stories like this in the news!
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