Wednesday:
Mr Frown will grab every headline with his surprise 2p tax cut.
Never mind that it all has to be paid for, and the abolition of the 10p rate actually makes this a 10p tax RISE for many low paid workers, the simple easy to understand numbers of the headline rate cut are all that will be remembered. It is the perfect set up to launch Mr Frown PRIME MONSTER! And the perfect launch for a GENERAL ELECTION campaign.
As Daddy Alex says: it has always worked for Tory Chancellors before!
Hang on though! With Mr Balloon leading in the polls by 10% – or even 15% if you believe the Cassandras at the Grauniad – then surely it would be MADNESS for the Labour to throw away another two-and-a-half years of this parliament. What on Earth would make Mr Frown, whose first middle and last name are all PRUDENCE – yes, he's really Mr Prudence Gordon Prudence Frown-Prudence – what could make him take the biggest gamble ever?
Well, fair enough, Mr Frown gets to erase the memory of yesterday's UNPLEASANTNESS. He can BASK in the glow of generosity, and at the same time SHOOT the Conservatories' FOX. In fact, not just shoot their fox, but also MACHINE GUN their whole pack of hounds, and then STEAL their hunting pink and leave them NAKED in the Countryside. It is NOT a pretty sight!
Certainly Mr Balloon was left with nothing to say but his pre-prepared Stalin gag.
He spluttered on: "You've got a deep hole in your policies" he accused the Chancellor. "That hole is OUR policy!" he added.
Even his BEST MATE Mr Nick "Mate-of-Dave" Robinson, spinning like topsy on the BBC Ten O'clock News, was compelled to agree that Mr Balloon had MISSED the OBVIOUS when he WELCOMED what the Conservatory Leader described as a "tax CUT".
Mr Frown was actually CRYING with laughter as Mr Balloon humiliated himself.
All very funny.
Sir Mr the Merciless was the one to spot the cruel catch: that the Chancellor was robbing the poor to pay to the rich.
Or as Mr "Mate-of-Dave" spun it: "The Chancellor's tax cut was a con, and Sir Mr the Merciless agrees." As if it Mr "Mate-of-Dave" Robinson wasn't the one agreeing with Sir Mr the Merciless!
So what was Mr Frowns personal message to us in his Budget Address on the telly later?
"I've cut tax to reward hardworking families. We're on your side. This is a budget for Britain's future. This is a Budget for families."
Heartwarming.
But there is also some RISK. A DEFERRED tax cut does not put the money into anyone's wallet, at least not yet. And will they remember your future largess before it happens? With inflation still above your target range is this the time to inject cash into the economy? With a huge trade gap is this the time to stimulate consumer demand for imports? Plus you've still got to pay for it and when it comes around people may end up rather less chuffed than the headlines implied they would be. As Mr Will has worked out.
Never mind the fact that the Labour are FAR TOO BANKRUPT to pay for a General Election.
And yet, a 2p tax cut is EXACTLY what you would do if your plan is to take the BOUNCE in the polls from dumping Lord Blairimort as a springboard to go for your own mandate in that narrow HONEYMOON window before everyone realises nothing has changed.
It is certainly an indication that the Labour are putting themselves on a WAR FOOTING.
So why would Mr Frown do it?
Unless, of course he happens to have a SECRET ATOMIC WEAPON in his back pocket.
Just suppose that there is something SERIOUS that Mr Balloon still has not told us. Yes, yes, we all know that the CANNABIS AT ETON shock and the BOOZING WITH THE BULLINGDON horror stories have broken, and he has told us how that was all in the past and that we can't talk about it now. But there are STILL all these RUMOURS about Britain's top toff, no doubt all completely FALSE and DEFAMATORY and not a SNIFF of truth to them. But just suppose that Mr Frown discovered that he could prove one of them TRUE.
Then we might have a scenario of, say, an EXCLUSIVE in the Scum, perhaps during the Conservatory Party conference week, Mr Balloon forced to resign, Conservatories in total disarray, still no polices, snap general election and Mr Frown romps home…
No.
It is MUCH more likely that Mr Frown just got a bit GIDDY on TIZER and put the tax cut in at the end as a joke.
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