...a blog by Richard Flowers

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Day 1914: Nose Trouble


Heave! Heave! Heave!

The Clangers have succeeded in pulling me out of the hole in which I was stuck. Major Clanger tied his fishing line around my big fluffy nose and they all PULLED.

My nose is VERY sore now!

Back down on Earth, I cannot BELIEVE how totally RUBBISH Mr Balloon has been about I.D.IOT cards, even after I told you all how VERY BAD the government's not-really-a-compromise was!

Even WORSE! Mr DAVIS DAVID who is SUPPOSED to be Shadow Home Secretary and TOTALLY against I.D.IOT cards only went and VOTED FOR the government’s amendment!

As my Daddy might say: construct a popular phrase or saying using the following words not necessarily in this order: TURKEYS CHRISTMAS VOTING FOR WHY WAIT SHOOT US NOW.

Mr Blair is laughing so hard we can hear him ALL THE WAY UP HERE IN SPACE! Even if there IS a vacuum between the Earth and the Moon.

Looking down on the Earth from up here, it is very LOVELY, even if you people are making it a bit GRUBBY! Could you not tidy up a bit?

Speaking of tidying up reminds me that it has turned out that tidying up all of you NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS is going to cost a lot more billions of pounds more that you thought it was.

Even though I am in favour of ELECTRICITY for television and DVDs and the Internet, I am a BIT worried about making it out of atom bomb material that you have to import from abroad. And leaving radioactive waste that lasts as long as the whole world and might make GIANT MUTANT LIZARDS is not a completely clever energy policy. I am not sure that the MAGIC FORCE FIELDS of Mr Blair’s I.D.IOT cards can protect us from GODZILLA!!

Here on the Moon, the Clangers make all the electricity they need to run their television from RENEWABLE sources. In fact it is Mother Clanger wearing NYLON stockings and taking a brisk walk around the craters – the static build up provides enough charge to run the telly all night!

However, if Britain does not have enough fast moving sock matriarchs, then perhaps you could consider some other renewable resources instead. Perhaps you could generate some electricity from Mr Balloon’s FLIP-FLOPS?

The Clangers do not seem very sympathetic about my SORE NOSE! In fact they keep giving me BLACK LOOKS and hooting amongst themselves.

This does NOT look good: now they appear to be constructing a GIANT MUSICAL CATAPULT…

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