Day 1886: The Apprentice

Thursday:


Speaking of Daleks, last night Daddy Richard wanted to watch THE APPRENTICE on the BBC.

This is a game show where POWER CRAZED ALIEN LIZARDS try to convince a fluffy person called Sir Alan Sugar to give them a job.

"It's like Big Brother with live ammo," says Daddy Richard.

Actually, Mr Sir Alan is a bit too CRABBY to be fluffy really – like Daddy Richard when he hears Mr Balloon on the Radio but ALL THE TIME! On the other hand, he DOES get to drive around in a big Rolls Royce (even if Daddy Richard says that that looks like a Dalek too!) It has the registration number "AMS", which clearly stands for Mr Sir Alan, but they got the letters in the wrong order. I do that sometimes, so it is very understandable, and number plates probably do not have spell checker to help them either.

Last night, Mr Sir Alan asked the ALIEN LIZARDS to try and make a calendar to sell that would raise money for Great Ormond Street Hospital.

The boys' team decided to take pictures of cute babies (YUCK!) but the girls' team decided to take pictures of kittens (DOUBLE YUCK WITH KETCHUP!).

"What have Kittens got to do with Great Ormond Street?" demands Daddy Alex.

Twenty minutes later: "What have Kittens got to do with Great Ormond Street?" says Mr Television Calendar Man. HAH! My Daddy got there first!

"Shut up and obey my superior alien lizard commands!" says the girls' leader.

Later, Mr Sir Alan says that Mr Calendar Man bought the Kitten calendar out of sympathy. I think Mr Sir Alan is WRONG. I think the girls used their alien lizard MIND PROBE on the calendar man.

Meanwhile the boys have forgotten to decide what price they want to sell their calendar for. No wonder the alien lizards have not taken over the world, they don't seem very bright AT ALL.

In the end, Mr Sir Alan fired the girl leader… but then he let her go and she escaped to her spaceship behind the moon!

Daddy Alex recons that he could do LOADS better at this, but I do NOT agree. Daddy Alex is not nearly EVIL enough to be a power crazed alien lizard. In fact, Daddy Alex is not evil AT ALL. So he would be no good at THE APPRENTICE.

I think it was better when Mickey Mouse made all the brooms. Maybe Mr Sir Alan does not want an apprentice like that, but in that case he needs to find some new ALIEN LIZARDS, I think.